Right Balance of Light and Trauma

We must seek the right balance between light and the shadow of trauma. What is light? It's hope. It's belief. It's faith in a power greater than our collective humanity. What is "the shadow of trauma" then? It's trials that we go through. It's pain and suffering. Trials are inevitable and hope is indispensable. In a personal crisis, we must keep the right perspective by keeping the right balance of hope and trials, of faith and suffering.

By now, we should come to accept life's uncertainties. And that which is uncertain always strikes with a cold hand of certainty.  I guess this squares with the ironic saying, "Nothing is certain except death and taxes...and possibly, pain." Sorrow is a close cousin of pain and it is also inevitable.  Don't invite more pain in your life than is necessary. They say that sorrow is unavoidable, but misery is optional.

The misery that is unnecessarily generated by us, that worsens or perpetuates our life's trials, are the misery that comes with trying to control everything, expecting only good things, and blaming others for our own misfortune, that is, shifting the blame. The latter only perpetuates our pain unnecessarily.

Let's face it.There are many things we cannot control, especially when it involves a relation or a situation, or both.  Men (and women) will generally disappoint, even your dearest loved ones. Isn't it true that the difficulty of marriage is that you fall in love with a personality (a colorful one) but must live with a character?

Your blissful situation will, sooner or later, be shattered by a death, a financial misfortune, a sickness. Let me ask you: What is your expectation pegged to? Reality or your ego.

By now, you should be aware that your ego has a peculiar way of inflating and distorting reality.  Let me illustrate this with the fraction of man. A man is like a fraction whose numerator is what he is and whose denominator is what he thinks of himself. The larger the denominator, the smaller the fraction and the smaller the chance of him coming out of a crisis unscathed.

You'd be sorely disappointed if your expectation is ego-pegged. The reality is this:  if your expectation is pegged to your ego, you are basically "Edging God Out" in your life. Alternatively, you will find yourself edged out of reality!

This brings me to the next logical point about traumas.  It is said that when you are no longer able to change your situation, you are then challenged to change yourself. Taking up this challenge will move you forward. Avoiding/denying this challenge will hold you back.  The best bet in life is owning up to your responsibility and moving forward with it.

I often tell my son to "light tomorrow with today." Don't darken your tomorrow with today. No doubt there's positive growth in a trauma or trial but it is not a given or an automatic entitlement. You have to fight for it. Your attitude counts and it counts a lot.

Many people refuse to see the light at the end of the tunnel. They choose to see only the darkness - groping, wallowing and lamenting as a result. If life is likened to cycling a bike, then seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is to keep cycling, finding your momentum of recovery, keeping hope and faith in balance, and being intrinsically inspired by the progress that is forward moving.

We all know that seeing only the darkness in a tunnel means that we stop riding our bike. And when we stop riding, we fall. That is the law of gravity as well as a fact of life. And the fact of life is in this quote: "In three words I can sum up what I have learned about life: it goes on!"

God has given us today to make a difference. Today is where we are alive to. The past is buried. The future is stillborn. The present is our only temporal workshop where our past and future converge; that is, where we can learn and use our past to shape our future.

The mantra to live by is this: Live in the present moment. Don't re-live your past and re-feel the pain. Neither pre-live the future and pre-feel the anxiety. The present is indeed a gift.

Imagine a genie grant you these two wishes in life and asks you to choose one, what will it be?  The two wishes are: Do you wish for a life that embraces unavoidable trials, whereby you persist through it with a positive spirit, with support of loved ones, praying for a breakthrough, hoping for the best, and ultimately learning from it and becoming better and stronger by it?

Or, do you wish to be given a green pill where upon ingesting it, all your painful memories magically disappear and you are immune from any future pain, thereby enabling you to cruise through life bereft of challenges, trials or trauma? Give it some thought, and be careful what you wish for, because it may just come true!

Here's another way to see it:  "If a butterfly had said no to struggling in a chrysalis, it would have forfeited it's future for an entombed fate." Seen in this light, isn't the choice a tad clearer?

To sum up, strive to achieve a healthy balance between light and the shadow of trauma. When the balance is right, you will embrace uncertainties and trials, you will have a reality-based expectation, you will treasure your today, making the most of it, and you will be an agent of positive change, taking full responsibility for it.  When such balance is achieved, it will yield only one result: post-traumatic growth.

 Let me leave you with this thought: When you are in your own shadow of trauma, remember that there is no shadow without light. In fact, for every shadow, light is nearby. So, turn not your eyes on the shadow, but upon the light.  Look for the first light that created this universe. And walk confidently towards it. And as the shadow retreats from behind you,  you will find your redeemer waiting.

For it is said, "O, where does my help come from? It comes from the Lord!"

Cheers!