Happiness as happiness does

Recently I read an article about the perils of happiness. In a nutshell, the author wrote that, in that self-serving name of happiness, many marriages were broken. And this breakdown starts with this trite self-justifying statement that when one is no longer "happy" with the marital union, one can rightfully leave it, period.

This accounts for why the author wrote that happiness in this modern age is a dangerous thing. He further wrote this: "Happiness is not something to pursue. Holiness is something to pursue."

We live in the Age of Therapy. The pursuit of well-being replaces the pursuit of either salvation or holiness. "The religious man was born to be saved, but the psychological man is born to be pleased." (so says a psychologist and philosopher).

I always wonder whether the pursuit of happiness makes any sense? If happiness is to be "pursued", then when will it be finally caught? Will it ever be caught? And what's next after we catch it? Is that the end of the pursuit and it is then autonomously self-sustaining? Will somebody throw me a happy bone here?

Many years ago, I have two clients who came to my office at two different occasions, not so far apart in time. Both want a divorce; but for different reasons.

The first case is a young lady, newly wed. She wanted a divorce because her husband told her that she's a burden to his personal freedom. You see, Josh, she, at her late twenties, needed a liver transplant to save her life. She needed money and had to go to china for the transplant. She wanted a divorce because her husband wanted it badly.

The second case is another couple, older, longer marital union. Now, it's the husband who wanted a divorce. He came into my office with his wife, both eyes were red, swollen. The husband desperately wanted a divorce to the strong protest of his wife.

You see, he had a life-threatening tumor and he didn't want his wife to suffer with him for the rest of his life. The husband wanted to release his beloved wife from the marital vows because he loved her too much. And ironically, but beautifully, the wife didn't want to let go because she loved him too much.

Here we have two cases, one same desire, but two different motivations. One cannot imagine being burdened as it would destroy his happiness. The other cannot imagine being apart as it would destroy their happiness.

What is happiness then? In the age of therapy, happiness is self-defining. In the spirit of the gospel, happiness is others-defining.

This is the truth as I see it: I love my wife and I cannot see a future without her - even if it is a future of uncertainty and illness. In jest, I always tell her, "my happiness is your happiness; your happiness depends on my happiness." In reality, it is actually this: Her happiness is my happiness and my happiness depends on hers. Subtle changes in the order make all the difference. Cheers out.