I imagine I had a dialogue with God. I imagine I ask God what does his sovereignty mean to me? More precisely, what does it mean to the premature death of a baby, to the cruel gang-rape of a 12-year old victim or to a terminally ill man who prays in vain for deliverance?
This is what I imagine he would reply.
"Son, what does my having control of everything mean to you?"
"Everything Lord. It means everything."
"It means everything to me too."
"I don't understand Lord."
"Son, listen carefully. It means everything to me. Nothing more and nothing less."
"But Lord, how do you explain the killings, the deaths, the sufferings? What does being in total, full and complete control mean in the light of all that? What good is your sovereignty if it can't even stop the innocent from a fatal torture or intervene to save a dying child from cancer? I need to know Lord. I need to understand."
"Son, my sovereignty is no different from the mystery of love."
"Love? Mystery? Am I never to understand it then?"
"Tell me about love as you understand it."
"I don't Lord. I don't quite understand it. Love comes in many forms. The ones you think you know, changes when you think you know. And the ones you think you don't know, reveals itself when you don't know. Then, there is betrayal in a love you were so sure of. And there is loyalty in a love that you thought would never come through for you. So I don't understand it all Lord. I don't. Is that what your sovereignty is all about?"
"But it means everything to you, love that is, no more, no less?"
"Well yes. Love means a lot to me. I guess it is everything to me. I can't imagine my life without it. But why no more, no less Lord? I mean, I wish it could be more and not less. By this, I mean that I wish to understand it more and not less."
"Son, my love for you can't be any more than what it already is and it can't be any less for what it is. It is everything you will ever need and ever want, no more, no less."
"But Lord, what does that mean? Will any less of it mean that you'll be denying us of your son? Will any more of it translate into a more pro-active sovereignty that goes beyond Calvary? Or is that the mystery of love that I will never fully understand? Tell me Lord. Please tell me. I beg of you."
"Son, come think with me. Open your heart as well as your mind to what I am saying to you. My love for you set everything in place. You name it. Time. Space. Gravity. Light. Hope. Life. Even death son. And birth...new life. This mathematical universe beyond what your eyes can ever hope to see is the handiwork of my love for you. Think about it. I cradled you into existence. My love made everything that is possible possible and it prevented everything that threatens to make it impossible impossible. My son, the universe has to exist for you to exist. This world has to exist for you to exist. And my love has to exist for you to exist. Nothing needs to be subtracted from it and nothing added for your existence. That's my love for you. It is enough as it is. It is self-sustaining and self-sufficient. Nothing more will be necessary and nothing less will suffice. Can you understand that?"
"I think I can Lord. I think I can. But still what does it take to fully understand it? And how about the suffering and pain? How does this mystery explain it all?"
"It doesn't need to my son. At least not in the way your human mind wants to understand it. What you see is only the minutest part of the entire picture both in breath and depth, in time and space. It is just one dimension of it. There is really more to that, much more. My sovereignty covers much more. Not just your freedom and the freedom of primary existence to support your existence. Not just the lives of millions and millions that came before and after you. Not just the wars that you have fought for and the blood that was shed on this earth. Not just the suffering that remains apparently unresolved and the cruelty of mankind that seems to reign with no end. It is much more. And this is where the mystery of my love for you comes into focus."
"Yes son. It is a mystery because words cannot describe what your eyes will one day witness when the fullness of it is all revealed."
"So, my hope rests on an end to explain it all?"
"Not an end my child. It's a beginning. But that's not what I am trying to make you understand. This mystery is about a love that would do anything and everything to ensure that it will all turn out as foretold. And this love is enough for it as it is. I'll have you remember that this love had already made the penultimate sacrifice at Calvary to set in motion the ultimate resolution. This is the hope of your salvation my son. And I am trusting that this hope will persist as your strength to carry you through in words, deeds and understanding.”
"My child, the fullness of understanding which you are asking for is a privilege reserved only for me because it is only with this mind of mine that full understanding can be achieved. And when you have learned to accept this limitation, you will then come to accept this mystery for what it is...no more and no less."
"...and what is it about this mystery that I will come to accept Lord?"
"It is my love, son. What is left once the mystery is accepted for what it is is my love. It is somewhat reminiscent of the love that you had earlier tried to describe and even so, you have failed to fully understand it. However imperfect that love is, it is but an image of the fullness of my love for you. And I trust you will one day come to accept that."
"Oh Lord, I stand before you, deprived and disillusioned. I stand here at a lost, unguided. But I will just have to start this uncharted personal journey of acceptance and pray that you will be there for me when I cry out to you."
"I will my son. I will. And lest you forget, I had never left."