You see the end of life much clearer when you live yours to the fullest in overcoming love now.
Two lives in the papers yesterday taught me about that.
The first one is a five-year-old boy in a small city in Iowa and the second is a 52-year-old in Singapore.
Both battled cancer with such illuminating courage that I felt blessed just to have read their struggles and learned from them.
Garrett Michael Matthias had lots of spunk and humour when he wrote his obituary. The five-year-old had cancer, which was diagnosed last September.
The medical name for it is alveolar fusion negative rhabdomyosarcoma, "a rare form of cancer which attacked his temporal bone, cranial nerves and inner ear."
In his touching simplicity, here is Garrett list of the things he loves most:
"Playing with my sister, my blue bunny, thrash metal, Legos, my daycare friends, Batman and when they put me to sleep before they access my port."
And the things he hate? Well, he wrote them down: "Pants! Dirty stupid cancer, when they access my port, needles and the monkey nose that smells like cherry farts."
This is his wish when he passes on. "When I die: I am going to be a gorilla and throw poo at Daddy. Funerals are sad: I want five bouncy houses (because I'm five"), Batman and snow cones."
And his parents, thru the help of GoFundMe (which had collected US$56,586 thus far) granted Garrett his last wish.
But before all that, the doctors were upfront about chemo with Garrett's parents and said that it is "poison, radiation and (it) burns." The other alternative is to "cut it out". The parents had to choose between the two, and they chose chemo, the poison.
However, Garrett's cancer was resistant to chemo and it spread quickly to other parts of his body.
He passed away on 6 July and got his wacky funeral wish of five bouncy houses, snow cones and fireworks.
In his obituary, the family wrote this:-
"Garrett endured nine months of hell before he lost the battle with cancer. During this time, he never lost his sense of humour and loved to tease the doctors and nurses. From whoops cushions and sneaking clothes pegs on their clothes to "hazing" the interns and new staff doctors, he was forever a prankster."
The parents signed off with this:-
"See ya later, suckas! - The Great Garrett Underpants."
Here comes the second story...
Richard Ng is another brave soul in his fight with cancer. He wrote a book about it entitled "Silent Scream Of A Cancer Warrior."
What makes this Cancer Warrior's fight inspiring is that he fought cancer not once or twice but four times with more operations and procedures than he cares to remember. Yet, he remained positive throughout the ordeal.
The first time was when he was 22.
Cancer struck when he was a flight attendant living a carefree life. He said then that he just wanted the best things in life in the shortest time possible.
But life dragged on for him when he discovered blood in his urine. The doctors informed him at 22 that he has a tumor in his bladder.
After the tumor was removed, Richard married a colleague, who was the daughter of a Taiwanese general. They have no children.
Eleven years later, in 2004, cancer struck again. This time it is "a tumor the size of a Chinese dumpling in his intestines." It was stage-two colorectal cancer.
This was a shock to Richard because he was "running 30km a week and doing 80kg in the bench press".
He said: "It wasn't just about myself anymore. A lot of scenarios popped into my head. Would I survive? And if I did, would the quality of my life be different? Would I be able to work to support my family? I felt so helpless and vulnerable, I wept."
But he fought back and went through three weeks of chemotherapy. He said he felt like "a chicken in a microwave machine during the radiotherapy sessions".
It was at this time that he finally gave up smoking and said that he "became more conscious of how (his) actions and words can affect others."
Two years later, another tumor was detected in his liver.
This time, Richard said this: "I almost threw in the towel. I spoke to my wife and told her she would have a better life if she divorced me."
But she stayed on with him and Richard said: "She was unbelievably positive and said we could weather this together." And together they did, Richard's operation was successful.
But barely a year later, another 2cm lesion appeared in another part of his liver.
Drained and exhausted, his wife however convinced him to fight on. And Richard said this with a calmness of resolve: "It was time to just focus all my energies on fighting instead of having so many different thoughts. At least if I died while trying, it wouldn't be so bad."
But this time, he refused to be cut up anymore and doctors referred him to a rare treatment called "intra arterial iodine therapy". Such treatment however can only be found in Hongkong or Paris.
Richard went to HK for the treatment. But the shocker for him was that he was told that "another eight tumours had surfaced on his liver."
Due to the many operations, the adhesions and scar tissues gave Richard terrible stomach attacks.
Once in New York, he had an attack from the operation scars that he had to be warded in a hospital there for 5 days.
To compound matters, Richard had to be registered with the Central Narcotics Bureau because he was taking drugs to relieve the pain.
Now, at 52, and after the trials of life he had valiantly walked through, Richard said he is "determined to live life right."
"We're all in transit here and should do our best to have a positive impact on other people's lives."
Richard is currently a volunteer at Assisi Hospice. This cancer warrior had also donated all the proceeds of the sale of his book (about $8,000) to the Singapore Cancer Society.
Lesson? One.
Actually, the stories above narrate themselves most inspiringly and any comment here would not add much to them.
But as I was reading the stories of Garrett and Richard, one who died leaving a legacy of such amazing courage and humour, and the other living with exceptional resilience and meaning, this statement by Richard made me reflect deeply:-
"I just wanted the best things in life in the shortest time possible."
Richard said that before he encountered his first struggle with cancer at 22.
And that kept me wondering, what is the best things in life? And can we ever get it in the shortest time possible?
A quick fortune by a stroke of luck maybe? A success that earns us acclaims, titles and respect?
Or, a lifetime building up wealth for ourselves and our children and some to spare for charity? Best things in life?
Except for the first one (inherited fortune), the other two come with some grit, brain and yes, luck no less I guess.
But do they come close to being the best things in life - whether acquired in the shortest time possible or over what seems like a lifetime?
Alas, who am I in the first place to say what is the best thing in a life? Surely, we have different "best things" for the different seasons in our life.
But, while one life goes through different seasons and derives varying levels of satisfaction from what he or she would deem as the "best things" in that season, I have to say that the fight of Garrett and Richard has shown me a side of life that is the "best things" for all seasons.
And what they have gone through in living and the legacy they leave behind in passing can never be secured in the shortest time possible.
In fact, a life that has overcome trials is a long lesson in humility. Each lesson in humility allows us to grow to be more human. And to be more human always exacts a heavy price on our pride, self and ego by shattering all illusions we harbour about life.
Ultimately, through the lens of people like Garrett and Richard, I have come to understand that the best thing in life is always a transformation from within, and never a change of status or wealth from the outside.
And I think this conclusion best fit what I am trying to say in distilling the true gems for every season of our life. And the common thread that runs through them is none other than love.
It is called "the Faith of an Ageing Saint" by Rev Dr Daniel Chua (in the book "What Pastors want Christians to understand"). Enjoy...
"At 15, I learnt that mothers always know best, and sometimes fathers know best too.
At 20, I learnt that crime doesn't pay, even if it is done well.
At 25, I learnt that a new baby keeps a mother from having an 8-hour day, and the father from having an 8-hour night.
At 30, I learnt that strength is the charm of a man, while charm is the strength of a woman.
At 35, I learnt that the future is not what you inherit, but what you create.
At 40, I learnt that the secret of happy living is not doing what you like, but liking what you do.
At 45, I learnt that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it.
At 50, I learnt that a dog is a man's best friend, but a man's dogma can be his worst enemy.
At 55, I learnt that small decisions should be made with my head, big decisions with my heart.
At 60, I learnt that you can give without loving, but you can't love without giving.
At 65, I learnt that to enjoy a long life, we should eat what we want after eating what we should.
At 70, I learnt that life is not a matter of holding good cards, but playing a poor hand well.
At 75, I learnt that as long as you think you're green, you will continue to grow; but as soon as you think you're ripe, you are rotten.
At 80, I learnt that to love and be loved is the greatest joy in the world!"
And that is the best thing in life, my friends. Nothing matters or comes close to it, that is, to love and be loved in return is the greatest joy in the world.
Little Garrett and Richard experienced that more clearly, intimately and deeply than many people I know, and it is the source of their joy in life even unto death.
And the joy of overcoming love is indeed the best thing in life that is never gained over the shortest time possible, but over one's lifetime. Cheerz.
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