One thing that the development of liberal values has forgotten to include in its widely evolved repertoire of human and individual rights is a certain abounding graciousness to the differences of opinions.
Mind you, I am not just talking about tolerance, but the hidden malice of tolerating intolerance. And I don’t want that. It is not authentic. It is hypocritical.
For I may disagree with what you say, or stand for, but I don’t say I can tolerate that, and then behind your back, I accuse you of being neanderthal, primitive, luddite, outdated, a prude or a religious freak. Or worse, treat you with extreme prejudice.
That’s tolerating intolerance in my view. In other words, what I am really saying is that I am intolerant of your traditional, premodern (mostly religious driven) views in contrast to my liberal, open-minded lifestyle, but for the sake of my liberal (enlightened) makeup, I will - with a stiff upper lip - tolerate my intolerance of your views.
One day, the cognitive dissonance will show, even unknowingly, even unintentionally. And the cause of that is because we - the enlightened ones - have not resolved in our hearts and souls to come to terms with the reality that people can disagree with us and still not be wrong (or religious) about it.
After fleshing all that out, here comes the article that led me to that thought. It is entitled “Hart steps down as Oscars host over homophobic remarks.”
What’s that “homophobic remarks” he made? Well, in one of his comedy shows in 2010, Kevin Hart said this: “One of my biggest fears is my son growing up and being gay.”
He said: “That’s a fear. Keep in mind, I’m not homophobic. I have nothing against gay people. Be happy. Do what you want to do. But me being a heterosexual male, if I can prevent my son from being gay, I will.”
Honestly, as a heterosexual dad, I catch myself saying that too.
This is my candid, uncensored shot here: -
”I want my son and daughters to marry the opposite sex, to have children through the traditional way of intercourse between a man and a woman, and I want them to have children the way my wife and I had them, with our mutual genetic makeup combined; that is, regardless of how they might turn up in this intimate, passionate and enduring union recognised and endorsed by society at large for as long as society could remember.”
Is there a lot of hidden prejudices in that statement or desire? Can one construe that as me (or Kevin Hart) being homophobic, primitive, religious hypocrite or a gay-basher? If so, I think we are tolerating intolerance.
I guess at this point, some people may say that we the so-called traditional, religious folks had it coming.
For centuries, the ones at the bottom of the holier-than-thou cycle were the, well, gays, and now, it may just be a-taste-of-your-own-bitter-medicine time. Payback is a b#¥%€, right?
Before I reply to that, here is what Kevin Hart has to say on that statement he made five years ago: -
“I wouldn’t tell that joke today because when I said it, the times weren’t as sensitive as they are now. I think we love to make big deals out of things that aren’t necessary big deals, because we can. These things become public spectacles. So why set yourself up for failure?”
And what is the payback (or backlash) for him? Well, recently he was asked to host next year’s Oscars. But yesterday, “he announced that he was not going to host the event”.
And yes, the trigger of that decision was the remark he made five years ago concerning his biggest fear - that is, his son turning out to be a gay.
This is what Kevin said: “If you want to hold people in a position where they always have to justify or explain the past, then do you. I do not want to be a distraction on a night that should be celebrated by so many amazing talented artists. I sincerely apologise for my insensitive words from my past. I’m sorry that I hurt people. I am evolving and want to continue to do so.”
Lesson? Just one. Let me reply to that payback part as I bring this post to a close.
I think religiosity has never left us. If religiosity is about intolerance, hidden prejudices, hypocrisy, double-mindedness, self-righteousness, most of us have not risen above it.
You can be a believer and be guilty of religiosity or irreglious and still be guilty of the same. And in this context, you can be liberal minded, and still be religious about it. Both sides are equally guilty, equally dogmatic.
But we can’t stop there. We can’t say that vengeance is mine and then ask for an eye for an eye. Sooner or later, wouldn’t we all go blind?
For if we kept going on payback rampage, keeping scores, sooner or later, we will be bankrupt with nothing left for payback. The desolation is on both sides.
And let me add to what Kevin said: “I am evolving and want to continue to do so.” I prefer to replace that word “evolving” to maturing or learning. I think we all are maturing, learning.
I choose to believe that maturing or learning in this journey of a lifetime is not about growing an outer scale of what I call tolerating intolerance. We have to go beyond that. The heart of the issue is always the issue of the heart - however trite or cliche that sounds.
Regardless of religion, culture or liberal values, enlightened or otherwise, we have to evolve (or mature) with increasing and abounding graciousness to diversity and differences of opinions.
Am I being liberal by saying that?
Well, at the risk of being caught up with labels or semantics , I think not. Instead, I choose to believe that I am being mature about it. And being mature about it is also about being open to learning more, understanding more and accepting that we can be wrong in our attitude about our beliefs, religious or otherwise.
And for that reason, the greatest obstacle to maturing and learning is the ossification of our beliefs, turning it into a list of tyrannical rules and regulations, and institutionalising (or enthroning) them as unimpeachable virtues.
Because, if you think about it long and hard, the issue to be addressed is not so much the tolerant part of our intolerance, but asking ourselves, why are we intolerant of it in the first place?
Most times, it is not the beliefs that are wrong but it is the attitude that comes from (or with) it that poisons the well of maturity and learning.
So, let me just say that I regret that Kevin will not be hosting next year’s Oscars, for he is quite a funny chappy. But having said that, I nevertheless agree with him that we tend to make a big deal out of things, especially things that rub us on the wrong side of what we insist cannot be wrong. Cheerz.
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