DeepNude. Have we lost our young to lust?

Funny how my daughter used to run to us and mispronounce YouTube as “NudeTube”. When my wife and I recall that, we can’t help but feel amused by her innocence. 

Today’s papers however give no cause for amusement. It is about an app that allows users to virtually “undress” women using artificial intelligence. The app is entitled most candidly, “DeepNude”.

How it works is almost ingenuous due to the simplicity of the idea with the help of technology. 

All you have to do is to take a photo of a clothed woman “and transform that into a nude image.” The technology embedded will help you strip the object of your fantasy according to your baser instinct. You basically turn yourself into a fledgling director of your own private striptease show. 

I trust you can take photos of strangers in common places like the MRT, malls and even schools, or flip through personal photo albums and glitzy magazine covers, and take furtive shots of the ladies, whether they are fully or scantily dressed, and then let your imagination go wild with them in the privacy of your own room. No one will know. Hush hush. 

Alas, I can really hear the cash register ringing with such app that is based on the three vectors of success: simplicity, accessibility and autonomy. 

But before the creator of the app start planning for a lifestyle change with the cash pouring in, the story doesn’t end there. Like all stories, there is a catch here. It is called conscience. 

After a social media uproar, DeepNude was shut down. CCRI (Cyber Civil Rights Initiatives) said: “This is a horrifically destructive invention and we hope to see you soon suffer consequences for your actions.”

A law professor, Mary Anne Franks added this objection to the chorus of protest: “It’s good that it’s been shut down...the app’s intended use was to indulge the predatory and grotesque sexual fantasies of pathetic men.”

Apparently, and quite unwittingly, the creator from Estonia said: “We never thought it would be viral and (that) we would not be able to control traffic.” 

Never thought it would go viral? Not being able to control traffic? Are you serious? 

In a hyper-sexualized, postmodern world, where liberty has no or little boundaries, and values are what you make of it as long as nobody gets physically hurt, you really think an app like that would not go viral? 

And not to mention, a world where we can’t even remember where we had last buried modesty, possibly in an unmarked grave nobody wants to talk about (because we will be accused of being outdated or holy prude), I think it is safe to say that if you sell something that offers generous runway space to launch our most intimate sexual fantasies to the boundless skies, you can be sure that you have struck gold of the most carnal kind.

You don’t need me to tell you this. Let‘s hear it from this theologian, Frederick Buechner. 

“Lust is the ape that gibbers in our loins. Tame him as we will by day, he rages all the wilder in our dreams by night. Just when we think we’re safe from him, he raises up his ugly head and smirks, and there’s no river in the world flows cold and strong enough to strike him down. Almighty God, why dost thou deck men out with such a loathsome toy?”

And how about Freud? Didn’t he once say that our modern civilisation is driven by “erotic energy”? 

Mm...let’s continue with where we left off...and it is a cautionary word from the creator. 

They added: “Despite the safety measures adopted (watermarks), if 500,000 people use it, the probability that people will issue it is too high. We don’t want to make money this way.”

FYI, DeepNude was launched a few months ago, and the creator has intended it was for pure entertainment. But after the overwhelming response, they said that they have “greatly underestimated” demand for the app. You think? 

With that few months of commercial traction, I am sure many men who have downloaded the app must have had their appetites filled to overflowing with an app that gives them the full autonomy to do as they please with the female body. 

Lesson? Although DeepNude has been taken off the market, I am quite sure it is nevertheless thriving in the black market. 

CCRI said: “The app is out there now and will be used, despite the creator taking it off the market. If only there were a way to disable all the versions out there.”

Alas, you can disable the apps, but you can’t disable the wanton culture that feeds on the minds of our young who are openly defying any boundary and responsibility that seek to treat the opposite sex with respect, honour and protection. 

And if the desire of the man is for the woman, and the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man, then, thanks to our pornified culture, we have turned the desires of our young into one that lusts only after the woman’s body. 

She is nothing more to him than that. And once that is sated, they are on the prowl for the next sexual high. Sadly, it will never satisfy because their future wives can never compete with the many sexual fantasies they can manufacture at a few clicks of the buttons with the aid of technology. And mind you, no one will know. It’s all hush hush, until something leaks, cracks and breaks of course. 

At this juncture, it is tempting to ask, is this the freedom that we have been craving after or fighting for? Is this what it means by living in the modern society, full of technological wonders, and enlightened in every way by the fortification of knowledge that frees us to pursue happiness, progress and prosperity for all and sundry? 

Let me end with this quote for your Sunday morning mental digest: -

“It is a mistake to suppose that all men...want to be free. On the contrary, if freedom entails responsibility, many of them want none of it...The aim of untold millions is to be free to do exactly as they choose and for someone else to pay when things go wrong.”

Ultimately, we as a society pays for it. The script is all too familiar. We try to do right, to prevent the moral haemorrhaging. But in our ennobled pursuit, in our earnest attempt to turn society around to save our future generation from moral decay, family disintegration, broken marriages, and even climate changes, we have ironically acted in ways that have undermined and sabotaged all that earnest efforts. 

In other words, we have taken two steps forward only to find we have previously taken three to four steps back. 

So, God help us, because we sure as hell can’t help ourselves. And if science or reason, technology and the hallowed market-driven capitalism have collectively debunked religion and they are thus deemed as the glowing trinity of our salvation, that is, our new city on the hill, I honestly do not see it emerging anytime soon from the dreaded distant horizon of our modern civilisation. 

Or, is it just me? 

My letter of resignation to God.

This morning, I was walking and thinking about God. 

At that point, I was also thinking about some of the questions some of the young adults have been sharing, that is, their struggles in the faith and with organised religion. 

So, mischievously, I thought to myself this: what if I wrote a letter of resignation to God, as if He was the CEO of the universe and I was just one of His employees.

What would I write about then? 

Maybe, this is how the letter will turn out...and buckle up, it is written tongue-in-cheek (that is, to be read with a pinch of salt).

Dear God, how are you? I guess you are fine? But I really don’t want to presume too much. Who am I anyway, right? Anyway, I don’t want to make this awkward but here’s my letter of resignation. I am resigning because I don’t feel part of this organisation anymore. 

I know there is no official appointment to join this organisation. I did not sign any employment contract. Neither was I given a formal title nor did we discuss the remuneration terms of employment. 

My god, I don’t even know how many weeks of advance notice I am supposed to give you or your HR department for my departure. 

But I think I can stay for a while to hand over to the next guy you will be employing. The last thing I want to do is to leave without proper accounting. So, I return to my reason for resigning. 

As I’d said earlier, I am resigning because I do not feel like I am part of this organisation. It has definitely changed quite a lot since the time your son ran it on earth. 

Now, I know I was not there when he ran it, that was many many years ago. But I joined your organisation because of him. I heard and read so much about him that I thought at that time, it made a lot of sense to give of myself working for him. 

To be honest, it was not strictly a cost-benefit analysis when I joined. It was a heart decision. In a nutshell, I felt that for me to be hired is him, and to retire is gain. 

Not so much in economic terms mind you, but much more in a heart that is always full, doing things that made a difference and living a life pursuing a purpose that is beyond this world.

Here, I recall what was told to me when I was first interviewed. It was said that in this organisation, I will know the truth and it will set me free. I thought at that time, it was really cool to know the truth and experience the freedom that comes with it. 

Most time, in my experiences, most recruiting organisations just tell you the bottomline, that is, the pay and the job scope together with the working hours. Then, I am shortlisted by them with an impersonal phone call and expected to start work at a stipulated date. Not much talk about truth, freedom and the purpose that comes with it. 

So, that was the clincher for me. Your son made it almost irresistible for me to join the organisation. I read that he led by example, taught in a very personal manner, and always had the organisational mission at heart. 

I therefore joined with little reservation and looked forward to an empowering working environment with wonderful like-minded colleagues who would follow in your son’s footsteps. 

I told myself, what could go wrong right?

But I was soon to be disappointed because things are very different on the ground. Sometimes I felt as if there was a change in management or worse, hostile takeover, and none of us were given the memo in advance. 

As the organization got bigger, the human leadership got even more ambitious. Rules were made to ensure that it grows at all costs. Financial concerns became top priority. Membership became an obsession. And the result of that is to create as many programs as possible to appease the members, to keep the numbers coming. 

From a qualitative experience, the focus eventually turned into a quantitative investment. You can say that it’s like an inverse Parable of the Sower, and the fruit is not so much that of the Spirit, but the flesh. 

So, it has become too human and too serpentine-like. The rules and regulations pile up and there is no more room for personal growth, just organisational expansion. Evangelism is a cover word for filling the pews. Eternal hell is used to remind people to toe the line. And money is still an issue with suppressed envy against other organisations that are doing well. 

For the above reason, I am rendering my resignation. Thanks sir for a wonderful experience no less. It has been enriching while it lasts. 

Signing off.

Mike.

...and in my overly contrived universe, guess what, God answers. That’s the point right? You don’t expect me to end with my letter of resignation right? 

But let me warn you, it is still from my human perspective (mine), and I can’t escape from that. So, again, read it with a pinch of salt...

Dear son, I have read your letter of resignation and I will accept it on the condition that you take the time to answer this question. Once you have found the answer and have peace about it, and if you still want to leave, then you may do so as you please. 

Here is the question: Do you think your experience now is any different from my son’s experience then?

He came at a time when the world wanted him dead. He had to be hidden from view because of it. He was a fugitive of the government but love protected him from harm. 

For 30 years, he lived the most ordinary life. He did his part with quiet resolve. He lived in a community just like yours, with friends and family, colleagues and leaders. His community was far from perfect with the usual conflicts, the social and economic inequality and the rampant exploitations. 

Yet, he grew up well within the community he was given unto. He overcame because love overcomes. 

His ministry started when he was 30. But it was not off to a smooth start. It ended even worse minus the resurrection of course. 

The first test of his ministry was being hurled into a god-forsaken wilderness. For 40 days, he was denied everything you often take for granted now. He nevertheless went through it and proved that love never fails. 

In the three years of his ministry, he had seen it all, that is, the worst that human kind has to offer. He was scorned, accused of, misunderstood, labelled as a false prophet, rejected, banished, treated with contempt, framed, whipped, tortured, nailed, mocked, speared, and hanged. 

Jesus never had a home. He was invited to many but he lived with his disciples, depending on the kindness and gratitude of others, and interacted with anyone who is anyone along his path. He spoke and ministered to all and sundry, transformed lives, touched their souls and gave them a hope beyond this world. 

Jesus came into a cruel world, an indifferent world, a world that only cared for its own flourish, its own interest and successes. 

But he changed all that, he stood the test of time and started a resilient counterculture that broke down walls, lifted the downcast, opened hearts, instilled the joy of service, empowered spirit, and strengthened faith. His greatest gift was love - a love that went all the way and changed everyone along the way.

So, you are right, Mike, to be disappointed with the people in the organization, their rules, their obsession, their ambition. That’s how you feel. But you are wrong to expect that during Jesus’ time, it was any different. It was not. It was never intended that way. 

Never forget that a choice created this world, a conscious choice, and I would never want it any other way. 

If you look at the whole human timescale, from beginning to the coming end, the only other thing that stands sovereign (apart from my sovereignty) is autonomy, human autonomy. 

I made that choice. Jesus made his choice. And now, you claim you have made yours with this letter. 

Son, I have received millions of such letters since I could remember and everyone of them is the same...they are, in essence, looking for someone to make that choice for them. 

You may think you have made up your mind to tender this letter to me. You may think it was a choice, a conscious choice. But the reality is, the choice you have made is more a push from circumstances as you see it rather than a resolve of the heart. It may be a conscious choice, but not a conscientious one. 

If Jesus had made his choice the way you made yours, he would have surrendered to Pilate, accepted a truce with the Roman authorities, and kept Barabbas to languish in prison. No one would have heard of Calvary, and the Cross, and not the tomb, would be empty. 

His choice was made from the blood that he sweat out at Gethsemane. It was therefore not made lightly. Neither was it made from the undertow of circumstances or convenience. 

It was however made from the heart that overcame all circumstances. And that is why when he gave it all at Calvary, he turned the doubts of his mockers who clamoured for his death to secret admiration, and that is when a centurion, facing him after he gave his last breath, uttered beneath his own breath: “Truly this man was God’s son”. 

Indeed, it was a dying breath in exchange for living one. 

That’s authenticity my son. That is living to the end, to the fullest, and never giving up on the mission at hand. 

They are all choices made by Jesus and they are choices that led him to a convicted and desired end. That is what I mean by human autonomy, choices made to fulfilment, choices made to complete the race with enduring faithfulness.

So, I return to the question: Do you think your experience now is any different from my son’s experience then?

No, it’s definitely not. But what made the difference? 

Mike, the difference is a choice committed to lives and not systems. In other words, it is a choice committed to individuals and not to the crowd, to transformation and not to regulation. 

My beloved Son did not contend with the system, however organised or self-serving it was. He instead ministered to lives, he interacted with the people, not programs, and he bent souls for change, not rules for self. 

He saw a need, a cry for help, a yearning for meaning, and he went in to offer hope, unconditional love and faith to overcome. That is what made a difference, an enduring difference. 

I will end here my son. Let me say that I am not here to dissuade you. It may seem that way, but my intended goal is for you to take responsibility for your choices, to live authentically, not pretentiously. 

So, I will leave things to you Mike. Your letter is still on the table. I have not accepted it. You decide. 

Signed off.

Father.

Breaking the silence on suicide.

The article about “Breaking the silence on suicide” made me think about family and life.

Elaine, 54, struggled to let her son, Zen, 17, go when he took his own life while studying in Melbourne. Zen passed away on 1 Oct 2018. 

What is perplexing about Zen’s case is that before his passing, Elaine described her son as being his “usual loving self”. 

Elaine in fact flew to Melbourne to be with him on 27 Sept (about one day before he took his own life). They had dinner together and it was his favourite meal, steak. They had a hearty chat and Zen told his mother that he wanted to go to the gym that night. 

When they parted ways, Elaine even planned to take him and his buddies out while she is in town. 

However, a few hours later, at 1:30 am, Elaine (who was staying in a hotel) received a call from the accommodations manager where Zen resided. She rushed down to his residence and performed CPR on Zen until the paramedics arrived. 

Upon admission, Elaine was cuddling “her son as he convulsed with seizures on the hospital bed.”

Zen was hospitalised for three days and Elaine was by his side. As she scrolled through the messages on his phone, she realised that Zen had been planning his suicide a few days before. 

He even told the recipients what he intended to do. Unfortunately, no one alerted her about it.

The last time Elaine spoke to her son were these words: -

“I thanked him for choosing me to be his mummy for the past 17 years and 11 months...I told him mummy forgives him and asked him to forgive me too. Tears were rolling down his checks and that night, he was brain dead.” 

On 1 October last year, Zen’s parents decided to donate his organs to six recipients. 

After his passing, Elaine started a Zen Dylan Koh Fund “in partnership with non-profit organisation Limitless, to raise funds to counsel vulnerable youth.”

She also got a tattoo (her first) on her forearms, and said that “when she holds herself, it feels as if he is comforting her.”

And every evening without fail, she and her husband would light a candle for Zen. She said: “Even if we’re travelling, we will light a candle for as long as we live.”

Lesson? ...

How does a parent let go of a life she has nurtured from the start in her womb? 

I have written about a mother’s love before and now I am contemplating about the struggles to go on living. 

I recall Arnold Toynbee once wrote: “The sting of death is always less sharp for the person who dies than it is for the bereaved survivors...that’s the capital fact about the relations between living and dying. There are two parties to the suffering that death inflicts, and, in the apportionment if this suffering, the survivor takes the brunt.”

The grief and guilt are that brunt a parent has to bear, and Elaine felt both immeasurably. 

On his 18th birthday, a month after he took his life, Elaine wrote a letter to Zen asking for forgiveness “for the genes she had passed to him. She has found out that eight relatives in her family tree had mental illness of some kind.”

Alas, who is to fathom the cause or causes of suicide? Who has the mortal tools to measure the turbulence of the heart being bombarded by the circumstances of life? 

Even when Zen was in school, his parents had found “scalpel blades in his room”. 

They took him to see a psychiatrist and was diagnosed as having Attention Deficit Disorder and later, Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Zen was also on medication. 

As a parent, there is always this hope that if you can be with your vulnerable child at the right time and at the right place, assuring him that things will turn out alright, you can save him from himself. In the same way you had preserved him in your womb, you strive to do the same in his life. 

But, when is your child’s breaking point then? When is the exact moment when his resolve to live turns insidiously into a commitment to die? Is it a wide, temporal gap where the death wish takes time and courage to process? 

Or is it a split second decision that ominously tilts the balance because the weight of his mortal anguish accumulates silently, most time, invisibly, over time? 

Those alive are left to grapple with those questions for life, and this is what Toynbee meant by the one-sided apportionment of suffering between the living and dying that death inflicts. 

Kay Redfield Jamison wrote: “Death by suicide is not a gentle deathbed gathering: it rips apart lives and beliefs, and it sets its survivors on a prolonged and devastating journey. The core of this journey has been described as an agonizing questioning, a tendency to ask repeatedly why the suicide occurred and what its meaning should be for those who are left.” (“Night Falls Fast”).

Let me end by repeating Elaine’s words to her son at his deathbed. “I thanked him for choosing me to be his mummy for the past 17 years and 11 months.”

I believe that is the only way to go on living, that is, to live with the memory of a life once lived and loved deeply. This love is the candle that is lit for Zen and its meaning is in the flame that can never be extinguished in the hearts of his loved ones for as long as they shall live.