Two worlds, but worlds apart.
Recent suicide of K-pop star, Sulli, tells of a toxic world where there is “never-ending competition and comparison among fans and groups” and that means “idols live with negativity and intense pressure every day.”
Jan Lee reports that “everything in K-pop is a competition. YouTube views, award show wins, music show wins, Instagram followers, Twitter topics, unofficial polls on which idol has the most beautiful eyes - K-pop fans can and will vie over everything, in part because of how crowded the industry has become.”
Basically, as a K-pop star or idol, you sign your life away, or at least, your youth away, and you live life on others’ terms.
But, here is another world. It’s much quieter world. No noise. No competition. No comparison.
And, instead of projecting on social media the most beautiful eyes, or striving to be the fairest of them all, this other world is about seeing the most beautiful side of nature, and of human friendship and communities.
This world is what the young couple Kelvin Cai and Debbie Lim, both 34, are embarking on.
Zaihan Mohamed Yusof reports that “for the next four to six years, they will be seeing the world while riding Honda motorcycles across six continents over a distance of between 120,000 km and 180,000 km.”
Kelvin and Debbie, both tutors, will be renting out their sparsely renovated four-room HDB flat in Boon Lay for a life of unpredictable adventure.
Married in 2013, in a simple wedding ceremony at the Singapore Flyer, the couple hope to spend less than US$100 each day by cooking their own meals.
They said, “if not for this trip, we won’t be learning how to cook.”
Lesson? I have three actually, and it’s from their candid sharing that I pluck these lessons out.
First, Kelvin said that “some friends say we will be missing out on our careers, but it is precisely the worry of “missing out” that we’re going on this great adventure.”
Being tutors, they noticed that “some of their students’ parents seem to have a lot of money but have no time.”
“We feel it’s important to live life to the fullest. Plan enough for retirement needs but don’t get so lost in the pursuit of money.”
Let me clarify that I contrast these two worlds not because I strongly recommend one over the other - yet, I admit the urge is irresistible.
Although one is glamorous and enriching materially, the cost is high. Sadly, that which doesn’t kill you in such a toxic world can mentally or emotionally change you for a long time to come.
But the world that Kelvin and Debbie are going for is not a life for everyone either. Not all can pack up and go off just like that. We can go for a quick getaway, or a long holiday, but to leave for years on a motorbike is not everyone’s cup of tea.
The point of the contrast is to bring out the balance we have to find in our own life. It is often futile to pursue happiness when we don’t even know what makes us happy, or what value those things that we pursue will bring to our life. Self introspection has to come first before achieving personal fulfilment and contentment.
For this season, Kelvin and Debbie have found theirs in their station of life. We have to find ours in our own season. My takeaway in both worlds is that we must live our life on our own terms.
Yes, we have obligations to fulfill and roles to play as a worker, parent or spouse, but ultimately, we have to be able to look at the mirror and tell ourselves this, “you are making progress mike, even if they are micro-stumbling steps, to becoming the best that you can be.”
Second, Kelvin and Debbie said that they “hope to meet kind souls on their travels who are able to share with them riding routes or even somewhere to stay.”
Kelvin said, “We want to use this trip to inspire other Singaporeans and overseas Facebook followers, and tell them that people are inherently kind and compassionate.”
To be honest, compare to a world where there are endless competition and comparison, their world would definitely be kinder and more compassionate. It is a world lived to see the beauty of humanity without worrying about how you will be judged, how you measure up, and how you can win even more followers and adulation. It is an endless competition remember?
One is a world of insecurity where today’s novelty is tomorrow’s monotony. But the other is a world of discovery where you feel no shame embracing and accepting yourself for who you are without constantly needing to reinvent yourself to be who others expect or want you to be.
So, wherever we are, it is still about living a life on our own terms, that is, in a way that our conscience is always clear, our self-worth is always anchored, and our soul is always contented.
And,
Thirdly, Yusof posed this question to Kelvin and Debbie, “What if something unexpected happens to (you guys) while on the road?”
Debbie said that they will savour their adventure “one moment at a time.”
“The plan itself is not important because we would have to react to whatever happens to us on our journey.”
This is true. For can anyone ever plan for everything?
Plans are like maps, like signposts. They only point you in one direction at a time in general. But living one moment at a time is where plans become planning or living it out, even when unplanned things happen. And they often do.
If we take life as an adventure, if we are determine to savour every moment as they present themselves to us, whether good or bad ones, then what matters most is not when the unexpected or unplanned happens, but how we overcome them together and come out of it even stronger.
The objective therefore is not about meeting the plan (as planned). But it is about what becomes of us when we take this (most times, unplanned) adventure called life as a couple, and what our loved ones would eventually remember us for at the end of our life journey. And that is what makes a life worth living, and living to the fullest.
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