I saw the video. It’s close to 10 mins. And I applaud Mr Parkash’s patience. He dealt with the Chinese man as kindly as kindness goes. At one point, he did call him an idiot. But I guess he was still unpacking the moment in the best way he knew how. And idiot comes in many forms.
That real-time video garnered enough attention that even drew in a few ministers to openly register their disapprobation on social media.
Ministers Shanmugam said Singaporeans must not be xenophobic. Dr Janil Puthucheary said that the video shows “blatant racism and bigotry”. And MP Leon Perera was encouraged by the many likeminded netizens who supported Prakash, and are against the Chinese man’s words and conduct.
Here’s a little backdrop.
The Chinese man accused Parkash of “preying on a Chinese girl” and assumed blatantly that “Chinese don’t like it.” He pointed at Parkash’s girlfriend and said that she’s a disgrace. He even blamed her parents, saying that they too are a disgrace. That seemed to unhinge Parkash as he confronted him - yet maintained his cool.
At most parts of the video, the Chinese man was incoherent. I couldn’t understand his idea of racism. When Parkash called out his remark as racist, he replied: -
“You are the example of racism. You don’t see a Chinese guy preying on an Indian girl?” (Actually, Prakash is half-Indian and half-Filipino and his girlfriend is half-Singaporean Chinese and half-Thai. But, I don’t think it mattered to that Chinese man. He sees what he wants to see).
And I don’t know what he meant by preying. But, I have seen many marital breakdowns and talked to couples in courtship, and there are just as many Chinese husbands/boyfriends preying on their spouses/girlfriends as there are such behaviour in other relationships of different races. I have also heard of Indian/Malay spouses exploiting their same-race partners too.
So, when it comes to taking advantage of your better half, each race has its own fair share of so-called “predators” (in the proportionate numbers). Bottomline: all this has nothing to do with the colour of your skin. It’s about the content of your character, as MLK would put it.
Yet, however much I extoll the virtue of being colour-blind, the reality is that the Chinese man is not the only person in Singapore who carries that attitude. This tribalistic mindset is bubbling in the surface of our society, and for some, it takes a pandemic-like trigger to flush it out. Most are just publicly embracing, but privately distancing, that is, you can be my close friend, but don’t get too close with my daughter.
In fact, I see the man as being very cocksure about himself, possessing a high self-regard for the purity of his race, and this is shown in the manner he spoke to Parkash.
He was like giving Parkash advice to reform himself because in his eye, Parkash was just wrong, period, regardless of how he treats or loves his girlfriend. It is highly unlikely that that would matter much to him anyway. For he is not going to care about that, because for him, many things defines Parkash (an almost perfect stranger to him).
First, for him, Parkash’s skin-color spoke louder than his words and actions. Second, his unconventional hairdo might have set the contours of the stereotype of his kind. Third, his public display of affection for his girlfriend was nothing to him but the flirty acts of a playboy who has ulterior motives in his mind. Fourth, even his reasoning with him seemed like an effort of a predator trying to cover his exploitative tendency.
And I can go on and on, but my seemingly-contrived point is that the man would rather spare no effort to guard, reaffirm and protect his inflammatory bias/prejudices against Parkash and his girlfriend than to take the time to know the couple, their background, their love story, and their struggles before coming to an opinion about them.
I guess that would take too much effort on his part, and it would thus be much easier to assume that, if you have darker skin, you have darker motive. Rule of thumb; rule of character.
And most times, we allow the shadow of our prejudices to keep us in the dark prison of our reeking attitude. For the chain of such bondage is the false security of our heritage.
But, the problem with such an attitude is well spelt out by author Isabel Wilkerson, in her book “Caste:The Orgins of Our Discontents”: -
“The tyranny of caste is that we are judged on the very things we cannot change: a chemical in the epidermis, the shape of one’s facial features, the signpost on our bodies of gender and ancestry - superficial differences that have nothing to do with who we are inside.”
Well, I am sure that that man does not want his daughter to be judged at her workplace by her gender. Or his son to be judged by his looks. Neither himself being judged by his age when a fresh undergrad replaces him from a job he has been working for four decades.
Alas, a little self-awareness will go a long way, and for some people, it may take them on a journey that might just change their lives for the better.
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