BEING RIGHT IS VERY WRONG

Of the many problems we have, this is but one of them: We all, without exception, want to be right (even when we know deep inside it's not quite right to want to be right and even when we are right about being right). And some would rather go to their grave with clenched fists on the "rightness" of their stand; no matter how much hurt and pain they have inflicted along the way.

This squares with this cheeky prayer, "Lord, when I am wrong, make me willing to change. When I am right, make me easy to live with." So, to be right we are prepared to do or say it "wrong" by making others feel bad in order to feel right. Being right is therefore no longer a private affair. It is a very resoundingly public one.

Sadly, in our insistence to publicize our rightness, we pile up more wrong than right.  Isn't it ironic that the same way that one can do right things for the wrong reason, one can also do wrong things for the right reason? When being right becomes rigid, unfeeling and arbitrary, it mutates into self-righteous condemnation. And when the wrongs pile up on our steamrolling journey to be right, our position of rightness becomes ossified and fiercely protected.

The obsession of being right is like wet cement, whatever falls on it becomes irretrievably hardened. Thereafter, our resistance to admit wrong is legendary. Too much loss of face is involved. Too much ego is at stake. And when we take on a cemented position, we unconsciously turn a blind eye to the heap of wrong that we have piled up.

Of course, there is no simple solution. But on this, we are not without help. The antidote in short is humility. And the paradox of being humble is simply this: The more we are open to be "wrong", the more likely we'll end up right. It's therefore about letting go. Some battles are not worth losing an arm and a leg for.

Let being right be a strictly private affair - only you know about it and you can self-congratulate yourself in the privacy of your heart. Because most people would rebel against being told that they are wrong and you are right, it is thus best to overlook costly victories for better relations, especially in the context of a marriage. Indeed, the art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

For isn't it true that, "We stand tallest when we are on our knees?"

Cheers!