The Toughest Education

The toughest education. I am in the law profession. I am working in a law firm. I deal with all kinds of people everyday. I also have to advise on many legal and even emotional issues daily. I love reading and watching movies during the weekends. I am married and I have two daughters and one son.

Okay, so much about me. Nothing unusual. Routine is boring, I know. But my point here is that while we are only young once, we can be immature for life.  What is immaturity? Simply, it is never really feeling outside of yourself. It is empathy-deprivity. It is the refusal to care for others' feelings.

Here's where my boring family stats come into play. I believe that my formal education doesn't guarantee me a life of progressive maturity. It just doesn't assure me that I will care more about people and their feelings. It doesn't make me more attuned to their peculiarities and how I can respond to it with the highest regard and sensitivity.

As social animals, our schools do not equip us to effectively deal with the perplexing issues of human emotions. So, where do we get this "education" to grow in maturity? Where should we enroll ourselves in? What courses must we take?

Well, here's what I understand and it should be decoded in this narrative.  One day, a rock superstar was mobbed by a group of screaming fans, some of whom were hollering, "Superlover! Superlover!" The rock superstar calmed the fans and addressed them tenderly with this, "I am no super lover. The greatest lover is a man who loves his wife for life. That's a super lover."

Folks, that's the education that is life changing. That's the education that one should seek after. And the bottom line is that a true super lover is a person of towering maturity, and a man worth emulating. He is definitely worth his salt.  Surely he is still human, vulnerable to failures, and suffering from the usual human foibles. But as imperfect as he is, he is a master of control - the best that one can expect from a person this side of heaven.

A famous psychologist once compared the struggles of mankind as one between reason and emotions. He likened reason to a rider/trainer and emotions to an elephant. You can see how the tussle can be epic when emotions (elephant) run amok and go on a rampage.

At times, reason (the rider/trainer) gets the upper hand and manages to rein in the elephant. At other times, it's the emotions that create the mess. This is the essence of the struggle of maturity. It's all about keeping an even-mind, balanced and calm, amidst the chaos of the circumstances. This is where there is a fitting collaboration between the rider (reason) and elephant (emotions).  

Without reason, we become emotional; at times even neurotic. But without emotion, we become Vulcan-minded: stiff, rigid, turgid (inflated, pompous). Einstein once quipped, "Be careful not to make the intellect your god: it has great muscles but no personality."

So, this is the toughest education in life: the education to truly love. This is the greatest test of humanity.  You see, we can lead a superficial life, protecting our ego from hurt by distancing ourself from others, never showing our vulnerabilities, never allowing others into our inner emotional sanctum, and always weary of our loved one's intention.

This "unbrokenness" turns our life inwards; away from commitment and devotion, away from disappointments and pain. This life is well insulated and concealed. It's also a life of stillborn maturity.  One wise man says, "I'd rather be cheated a thousand times than to develop a heart of stone."

Why? Why rather be cheated repeatedly than to develop a heart surrounded by a six-foot high, lead based, steel solid wall? Because, for one and one reason alone, we never learn by taking the easy road. And the toughest road you can take in this life is the road to unconditional devotion.

Shun a life of unbrokenness. You are shaped much more by your pain than your joy. Opening your heart completely, without reservation, to your loved one will make you vulnerable. It will also disappoint you. You risk everything for everything. But it's a risk that will be rewarded if it all works out in the end. I would even dare say that it is one of the sublimest pleasures you'll ever taste in this life.

That's why this education is the toughest; and it is needless to say lifelong. Cheers