Why is it that so many people still think that
the normal rules of life do not apply to them? Why do they think that they will
not make the same mistakes? Why do they rebel against the universal principle
of sowing and reaping? Here are 5 gung-ho statements to sadly prove my point:-
1) I am
different. This is the mother lode of the other 4 points below. We think we
are different. We think rules of
humanity do not apply. If there is any description about us that fits like a
glove, it has to be this Hercules mentality. Our self-confidence is out of this
world. The delusion is real deep. We think we are invulnerable. We are chosen,
special even. Others may fall because they are weak, foolish and lazy but not
us. Not me. We will not fall into the
same trap as them because we are just different. This time, it’s different. We
will somehow lick this problem. Now let me expand further below.
3) I
have enough. I know this seems unfair. I mean, what's wrong with that?
Surely if a person says he has enough, he has had enough, right?
Well, it
depends on the context. Let me tell you the tale of two contexts. Many years
ago I went to prison to interview an inmate for a family matter. He was
convicted for having sex with his underaged student. He told me that he saw the
errors of his ways. He has turned to Christianity and has been reading the
Bible. He then looked at me stoically, and with tears in his eyes, muttered,
"I know I am wrong. I will change." When I came out of prison that
day, and everyday after that, I somehow
believed him. I believed that he
had enough and he will change. The last time I heard about him is that he has found a job and is earning his keep. Now I can't promise for how long he will
stay that way. But I can tell you that I earnestly felt his remorse that day.
It was deep and infectious. It was real. Here is the other context. Recently a
client told me that he loved two women, his wife and his mistress, who happened
to be his secretary. He said that he will change. He said he felt bad for his
wife who has
been so devoted. His wife even told him that she trusted him
hundred percent. Looking into my eyes, he said that he will break off with his
mistress because he has had enough. Somehow, I was not too convinced. The last
time I heard, he went on an exclusive holiday with his secretary. Just the two
of them. In a final breaking-off-goodbye
tour? So much for having enough. I guess he had had enough of having enough?
And this is my point: Oral confession not
backed up by outward confirmation is nothing more than inward deception. We
deceive ourselves when we promise to change but make no effort to do so. We pay
lip service to it when we admit to our faults just so that we can offload our
overburdened conscience. It is a feel-good confession just to placate a deep-rooted
denial. So when a man says he has enough, the question in reply is this, "Does he have enough to want to change?"
If not, then what he has enough of is nothing more than a sentiment arising
from the inconvenience of a pricked conscience and not the
determination
coming from the conviction of a broken and repentant heart.
4) I can
change if I want to. This is the ultimate Hercules mentality. This self-belief is a belief in our own
invulnerability. It is hubris well
preserved in a vat of formaldehyde. It is also dangerous because if to err is
human, then to believe that one is unerring is inhuman. We can't escape the
fact that we are sometimes not in control of our own destiny. For this reason,
we should never tempt fate. I heard of a recent news about a pastor who personally
took the scripture about poison snakes literally and picked one up. The snake
bit him and he died. This is a sad tale of how a misguided form of self-belief can end most tragically. And we
have to remind ourselves constantly that there is more to a person's resolve
than self-will. Most times, we are victim of circumstances beyond our control.
This is not readily admitted I know. Many social experiments have been
done to
show that seemingly obedient, respected and steely adults can go haywire when they are
either placed in a hierarchical structure of authority or are given absolute
power to act as they please. For isn't it
said that if we want to test a man, give him power? I sincerely believe
that within us, which many may not know or want to admit, is a lurking
opportunist ready to exploit others to further its own purpose and at all
costs. Given the perfect storm of the right place, the right time, the right
victim and the right immunity, we will unleash it like a wild pack of wolves.
And this is mostly beyond our control. No man is the absolute captain of his
ship – there is always the tides and waves and the storm to override or overpower him. The point is that the feeling of control is mostly context-dependent. If you approach a churchgoer after a Sunday service,
or even after an altar call service, and ask him whether he harbors any
indecent or revengeful thoughts, the answer is obvious. He will rebuke you. But
if you put him in a different place and time, away from the churchy crowd,
and
assure him of complete immunity and privacy, you may just be pleasantly (or rudely) surprised with his reply to the same question. So, the self-belief
that a person can change if he wants to (just like that) should be taken with a pinch of salt. Sometimes the person may be sincere and sure about it at that time, but given a
change of circumstances, it may just be less assuring.
AND
5) I am
better than them. Are we? Am I? I
have come full circle from the first point of "I am different." The fact is that we are no different from all
those people who have come before us and have fallen thinking that the rules do
not apply. I dread that many will take this Hercules
mentality to their graves. I am guilty of this too. If we conduct an honest
assessment of ourselves, we will find that the only thing we are better than
others is the misjudgment (or overestimation) of ourselves. And I am afraid we
might not learn from history not because history did not happen but because it
did not happen specifically to us. I guess learning a lesson from personal
experience is much more enduring than learning from a text, lecture or some
indirect sources. And this is the reason why I shared the tale of the two
contexts earlier to show that unless we turn the mirror on ourselves and
truly examine our motives and confront them with verve and raw honesty, our
remorse may just be self-deceiving (and self-serving). Alas, history will
repeat itself and we will just have to ride through our own deluded sense of
invulnerability until such time when we are forced to confront its punishing
end. Let's just hope that the end will not be six-feet deep. Cheerz.
