Kids with dyslexia more prone to social,
emotional problems - that's the headlines in the Home section today.
While Tom Cruise, Richard Branson and even
our very own Lee Kuan Yew made it big, rich, and famous in their own unique and
admirable ways as they all struggled with reading and understanding, most kids
are neither that fortunate nor privileged in their own struggles.
It reports that kids with dyslexia are
often target of cruel bullying and it persists throughout the most crucial
phrase of their childhood, that is, throughout their emotional and cognitive
development.
As such, they often suffer from anxiety,
depression and low self-esteem - than their normal, well-adjusted peers.
To them, the world is a stranger and will
readily pass them by with ridicule and mockery as they struggle with what they
can't understand and grapple with fear, uncertainty and anxiety alone in
silence.
They are basically embarrassed with
themselves. They count themselves as failures. And they would rather the world
just pass them by.
This cruelty often stems from the
insecurity that those who are deemed normal (by society's superficial
standards) feel when they notice that their peers are different from them.
In a society where many strive with
unreflective efforts to converge at a one-dimensional economic goal that
seduces her seekers with instant gratification, fame and wealth, being
different, "slow" or "abnormal" is a liability or burden to
such society or community.
Diversity (or being different) is therefore
not uniformity, conformity and ultimately, productivity to such society.
Lesson? One.
When my youngest, 6, was diagnosed with
borderline dyslexia and needed extra help in her studies, I deeply regretted
the times when I had used the cane, instead of gentle persuasion, stimulation
and playful distraction, to get her to learn.
She must then be wondering by herself,
"How do I help daddy to understand that I just don't?"
As a father, a parent, we all want the best
for our child. We want them to be accepted by society, to move forward with
hope, and to succeed in whatever they are passionate about.
It is undeniable that their first and most
enduring experience of being loved and accepted is in the place where they
spent most of their childhood.
Alas, the love of family is the wellspring
of their growth and development, and the springboard for their future
resilience and hope.
I have thus learned that rearing a child
and loving her is not so much about filling her schedules with work
assignments, expecting her to jump academic hoops one after another, and making
sure she matches up to that neighbour’s kid who scored all "A's" for
his exams.
Don't we sometimes catch ourselves as
parents secretly hoping that our kids would never be different, that is, to
always conform, to be like our neighbour’s kid? We hope they were different
because being different is bad, even embarrassing.
Yet, as parents, truly loving our child is
to never let her feel that she is alone in her struggles. It is to never let
her feel that daddy or mommy doesn't understand, and doesn't care that she's
also struggling to please, assure and comfort us so that they may be accepted
by us as not being different.
They have learned through our unintended
social cues and body language that being different is wrong.
And most importantly, loving our child is
to never let her feel that she is a disappointment to us as she will never be
like us, that is, she will always be different.
My god, I do not want my daughter to be
like me. I don't want her to live my script. I want her to be her. To be
assured in herself, to grow within herself, to overcome in her own skin, and to
be different in her own unique ways. I want her to be different and to know
that being different is a privilege, not a liability or burden as insecure
bullies will mock her with.
And I understand now that the script that
is going to make our kid over-comers later in life is not going to be written
alone by them, but it will be primarily co-authored by us as their parents in
this growing journey with them.
We therefore stand in the gap for our
children. We make the difference by assuring them that being different is not
only normal, but it is a cause for celebration and a reason for loving
nurturance.
We must never forget that we are here as
parents in this brief lifetime to love them, not use them as an extension of
our stillborn dreams, to cherish them, not make sure they perform to competent
levels dictated by society, and most crucially, to help them build wings to
soar and fly at their own pace and time, and not put them on society's conveyor
belt and expect them to magically experience accelerated growth and maturity so
as to conform.
So, joy, daddy is always here with and for
you. He is a jerk sometimes, but a jerk who is always prepared to learn. He
will faithfully walk with you so that you will never feel alone, or
misunderstood and bullied.
We will journey this together, and
together, we will write a new script - a different script because being
different is what makes me love and treasure you even more as you are one in a
million, or a billion.
You are the one shining star in the
galaxies of billions of stars that supports life - my life.
And the world, for all I care, can stay the
same, uniform or conform, just as long as you stay the way you are - different
and uniquely you. Cheerz.
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