Aloysius' sea burial.

We have to let go of a life, and yesterday, Aloysius was “liberated”. His ashes were scattered into the sea off the coast of Pulau Ubin. 

The last 10 days since Saturday (19 Jan) has been a massive outpouring of grief for Aloysius and many felt that it was understandable, instinctual even. It is in other words part of human nature to join others in grief because we all have loved ones. 

Aloysius’ final instagram post, which was written by his brother, has even attracted ”more than 254,000 “likes” and 25,500 comments since it was posted last Wednesday.”

The enormity of expressed grief for his passing (even from people of all ages who have not met him) tells of how even in death every life differs in the degree of longing and remembrance.

Some lives attract more attention like Aloysius’ for the most obvious of reasons. 

He is young. He is popular, endearingly so. He is undeniably charming. He has boyish good looks. He is an actor. We see him on tv. He won awards. He is well-liked or adored. He has a fan club. He had left so unexpectedly, amid a tragic military exercise in a foreign land. 

And the fact that military generals fronted the panel before the media also ratchet up the public emotions, curiosity and attention.

To add to the grief, Aloysius has a love life with a fellow actress they have kept from the public. And like a stab of the poignancy knife, they have plans to get married just after Aloysius has saved up enough money. He said he wanted to provide for her like a good and faithful husband would. They are therefore trying in earnest to start a life together. 

His future is so bright that to be so suddenly dimmed out by an avoidable training accident only makes it readily and emotionally identifiable by the tens of thousands who have poured into his wake and social media like a tsunamis washover.

One comment in his Instagram wrote: “Your passing has taught the nation what love, gratitude and kindness is. You will be greatly missed by many (people) from all walks of life. Thank you for serving the nation. Salute, RIP.”

Alas, this is the reality of a society that is kept only six degrees of separation apart, where we are somehow connected by modern technologies. This connection is made more robust when one is young, famous and has a large following on the internet. 

As such, I would expect the passing of such celebrities like Taylor Swift or Katy Perry to be vastly different (or more intense in outpourings) than an unknown lady on the street. Like I said, it’s only human nature. 

But, if that should happen, in passing that is, we must nevertheless look beyond the fame and adoration, which is often transient in this brief life we have on earth, to how the life gone will be dearly missed by his or her loved ones who have to struggle with the painful physical absence henceforth. 

The numbers attending a wake or liking a post no doubt matters to some extent, but ultimately, every life leaves behind a family and close friends who will find it incredibly difficult to let go.

In other words, the numbers do not make the life more precious. Neither does the lack of it makes it less precious. What matters in the end is how much that life is dearly missed and sorely felt after the crowd has dispersed, the dust has settled, and the ashes are scattered. 

Ultimately, it is still a private family affair struggling with the numbing grief they have to bear. 

For this reason, the loss and sorrow suffered by the family and friends of Liu Kai, Dave Lee and Gavin Chan (all of whom also gave their life in training) are truly heart wrenching for their loved ones. And Aloysius is one more life added to the many unfortunate deaths in NS. 

Let me thus end with a heartfelt tribute offered by Aloysius’ close friend and talent manager, Desmond Koh, who joined the family in a boat offshore for a sea burial. 

He wrote this: -

“We sailed across the calm waters on this cloudy afternoon. At a spot near Pulau Ubin, we saw you descend slowly into the sea. This is the final farewell. 

You wouldn’t want to trouble anyone. It’s so you - the easy going boy, as always. Thank you for trusting me and working so hard in the last few years. As you begin your free-spirited adventure, remember to wait for me.”

Indeed, when death beckons, it is always the final farewell. 

But we all know that the one we love never passes away. He or she is always felt, and the presence brings about a wellspring of hope for us, the living, to go on living for those our loved one has left behind.