This has been written before, but there’s always something different, and worth even repeating, when it comes to personal encouragement.
Vincent Lim was not an academically bright student. He started out as an EM3 pupil in primary student, “a stream for academically weaker pupils that was scrapped in 2008.”
But he worked hard, never gave up hope and today, at 33, he has a PhD.
From polytechnic and later graduated with first class honours from NTU, he read biology and is now employed as a research fellow at the Agency for Science, Technology and Research.
A quiet, introvert individual, Dr Vincent Lim has come a long way from being an academically struggling student to a top class researcher.
Lesson? Three.
1) This first lesson is about self worth and empathy. Vincent said: “I remember lying sleepless for a few nights thinking as though I had lost my identity. It took me a while to accept that fact (limits of his abilities) and to use hard work to overcome my limitations.”
I believe a life goes through a lot of those crossroads, that is, a time when you feel utterly worthless, losing your identity, and thinking that there is nothing much you can do about it.
This is where empathy comes in. Vincent understands this. He said that he believes “weaker students tend to have lower self-esteem, which means they care a lot about what others think about them.
“Everyone is fighting a battle you cannot see. So always be kind.”
That’s the part that goes to the heart of the issue. We are all going through our own personal battles that are invisible to others.
Some take a shorter time to realise that they can overcome it, and finally do (overcome) for that season of their life, while others take longer. Most times, they don’t even know they are in the battle, struggling to find a way out. Some even choose to escape from it, deny it and hope it will go away.
But sooner or later, circumstances will force them to face it, to confront it. It will be lonely fight of one against many naysayers - a fight for your self-worth. This brings me to my second lesson.
2) It is about never giving up, finding a way, and Vincent puts it aptly: “Despite the situation you are in, there are always ways to go on. Don’t give up on yourself, and you will find a way.”
In your battles to reassert and reaffirm yourself, your self-worth, you must know that your enemies have a weakness. They all share one common foe that they know will wear them down eventually. And yes, that weakness is for you to keep calm and keep going on. You don’t just put that in your mug, you inscribe it in your heart.
I believe Vincent understands that intimately, viscerally. He is where he is today because he has found ways to go on, even on days when there seem to be no way.
I believe the greatest breakthrough in a person’s life is not so much in achieving success, but in defeating failure.
But first, let me just say how failure can be daunting...
It may be said that when you hit rock bottom, the only way is up. But when you are at rock bottom, most times, you don’t even know where is up. In the pitch darkness of your disappointments, pain and self-condemnation, all you can hold on to is that piece of rock (at the bottom) that keeps you safe, but down.
And this brings me to my third lesson (because I am not done yet)...
3) Vincent said: “Aside from the practical intentions of grades and certificates being a way to enter or build a workforce...one more primary function of the education system is to give our children a sense of hope. Education should leave them feeling hopeful, and not hopeless.”
They say hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have is not permanent. Well, it is not. Really, no.
Whatever feelings you have at rock bottom, they are not permanent. The one thing about hope is that it is a forward moving force. If you hold on to it, it would not leave you in the same way (or spot) you were before.
It may take days or months or even years to move you up, or out of the darkness, but hope is prepared to take every step with you just as long as you never let go.
Hope is there when you fall again to pick you up. Hope is there to offer you a firm hand when you break down and cry out like you never did before. And hope is there even when you think you have given up because hope is never so convinced that nothing can be done.
Alas, ultimately, hope is whatever you see as a door or a light or a hand or a voice that never let you go, never let you (stay) down. Even in your darkest moment, when all seems lost, hope is never bankrupt, never crushed.
As long as you are alive, hope is alive. For this reason, hope is you, that is, the air you breathe, the thought you conceive, and the step you take. Your choice to hold on to life, is a choice to hold on to hope.
Let me end with this thought for parents. Like me, we want them to do well. We want them to be the best they can be. But sometimes, we unconsciously crush their hope, not directly academically, but their hope for us to have hope, or continue to have hope, in them.
Like a chain reaction, hope rides on hope, especially the hope our children long for from us. Our hope for them is like a womb that incubates their hope in themselves.
Everyone of us need someone to believe in us. And for our kids, the greatest encouragement we can offer as parents is to assure them that we believe in them, no matter what.
And believe it or not, our approval, our pride and our trust in them give their hope wings to soar. It is their launching pad to fulfill their own dreams. Cheerz.
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