I felt that this needs to be told. These two stories needed to be written (side by side). One will break your heart; trust me, I teared. The other will lift it up, at least offering hope.
Let’s brace our hearts for the first story.
A mother, only 30, was jailed 7 years for killing her 2-year-old daughter. Before this, the mother lost her four-month-old baby in 2011 and another child of hers was born premature.
Her defence counsel said in mitigation: “Our client was struggling under the immense agony of an undiagnosed mental illness for several years after losing two children - and tragically, another child has been wrenched away."
The full story is reported by Selina Lum and is best told in the reporter’s words.
“On April 9 last year, she was tending to the victim at their two-room flat when she became angry with the toddler for defecating on a towel in the bedroom after her bath.
She carried the girl back to the toilet to wash up, and along the way, some faeces dropped onto the floor. The woman scolded her daughter as she washed her, and the girl started to cry.
After washing the girl up, she was further angered when the girl did not obey her instructions to go to the bedroom.
She then pulled the toddler into the room and after dressing her up, lifted the girl up to shoulder level and threw her to the floor forcefully. This made the girl cry even louder.
The woman then told her daughter to clean up her toys in the living room, but when she noticed the girl standing still and crying, she lifted her up again and threw her to the floor.
As the girl lay on the floor, the woman kicked her. When the child did not respond, she became alarmed and tried to resuscitate the girl.
At this time, her 41-year-old husband phoned her, and she lied that their daughter was having fits.The girl, bleeding from the mouth, was taken to the KK Women's and Children's Hospital.
Hospital staff made a police report but the woman maintained that the toddler had a seizure and "fell out" of her hold.
The toddler was declared brain dead on April 14 and taken off life support on April 17.
An autopsy found that she suffered multiple skull fractures and abdominal injuries.
After her arrest, the woman was diagnosed with major depressive disorder by an Institute of Mental Health (IMH) psychiatrist, who said the condition had its onset before the death of her youngest child earlier that year.”
The second story is about overcoming mental illness.
Daren Lauchengco, 51, checked into IMH in 2010 when he heard voices telling him to kill himself. He was 42 then.
In fact, as early as 16, Daren was experiencing depression. It was only 20 years later that he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after he sought help.
Daren is blessed with a strong marriage and two understanding children. His wife, Mdm Noriytah, stood by Daren, and never blamed him.
This is what she told her children. “I’d always say, daddy’s like that not because of anybody’s fault...it’s just something he needs to go through. I wouldn’t have become the woman I am today if I hadn’t married him.”
Due to his wife’s support through the darkest of times, Daren was able to flourish in his art and they are now exhibited at the One of Us art exhibition at Temasek Shophouse.
Daren said: “Right after I got diagnosed, I told myself I wouldn’t just take medication and wallow. So the next best thing I could do was grab hold of my art. If I didn’t have this condition, I don’t think my art would be the pieces you see now.”
“I tell myself you got married, you got two kids...why blow it all away? Yes, it’s tough, but I tell myself to just take it one day at a time...if tomorrow comes, it comes.”
Lesson? Just one.
Truly, when tomorrow comes, it comes. And by and large, tomorrow often comes. It is the same with the day after tomorrow and so on. They keep coming to lengthen a life by the numbers. But to fill those numbers with resilience and meaning is quite a different thing altogether.
I juxtaposition the two stories together, one tragic and the other uplifting, because Daren’s words gave me pause for deep self-examination: “I tell myself you got married, you got two kids...why blow it all away?”
But, this I have to say: Daren was still able to fight for his sanity to tell himself, to reason with himself, and he did it in an environment of love, understanding and unwavering support, from his wife and kids.
I dread to think of the mother in the above story who had her own mental demons to fight, and sadly, lost the battle in such a heartbreaking way.
Yes, Daren would never want to blow it all away. In his storms, he saw his family and his art and that gave him strength, meaning and hope to move forward.
Yet, for others, they are often blown away because the mental storm they have to struggle with overwhelms them. It is often not a chosen path they have taken, but one upon which they were led into, most unwittingly and unwillingly, by the storms in their broken minds.
Let me end with a casual chat Daren had with one of his sons, when he was younger. His sons are now 21 and 26.
Daren said: “I told (my younger son) that when daddy’s sad, there’s always this dark cloud hovering over me, and it follows me.”
“His son then drew a ladder leaning against a cloud, and drew him standing on top of the cloud. This provided a safe way to talk to his sons about his condition without scaring them, (Daren) said.”
Isn’t that a beautiful image of support we can give to our loved ones, or to those who are suffering from mental illness in our society?
Imagine everyone carrying a ladder with us, and are always prepared to lean it against the dark clouds of a person’s life, and then scale up to the top to stand on it.
It is a powerful symbol of hope and understanding. A symbol that our society not just bears the burden for one another, carrying the ladder even when it looks awkward and/or it is inconvenient, but also takes the time and effort to scale this beast of mental torment to slay or overcome together with the sufferers.
Eventually, as a society, we chase the clouds away, allowing rays of hope to return once again.
Of course, it is not easy and some may feel that people who think that way are daydreaming. Wait till they live with someone who has such condition, then see how.
Well, Daren, his wife and sons have at least taught me that it is not impossible. Sometimes, we need handles to lift us up, to carry us through the storms. Handles come in many forms and ways, and one of them is imagination like the one Daren’s son had offered to his dad.
The reality is, we can’t save everyone. We can’t change everyone. But to those whom are within our reach, to those whom we see are suffering in their own mental storms, we will never know how much an enduring difference we can make if we don’t apply our imagination the way Daren’s son had applied his and lived to tell of such inspiring testimonies.
The boy imagined a ladder. He knew where to lean it on. He didn’t stop there. He climbed up, no matter how long it took. Then, he stood on TOP of the cloud because he knew that everything below the cloud is rain and everything above it is sunshine.
And the boy stood there to fight the cloud so that he could allow his dad to see the sun that is always shinning above. He saw hope and all he wanted to do was to share hope with someone who to him is the source of his hope.
Alas, there is no greater, or more powerful, imagery than that!
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