In Memoriam - Brenda See

I only knew her online, FB. Never met, never chatted FTF. Just messages exchanged. She often corrected my grammar and spelling. It was almost a teacher-student friendship - telling me this should be “5” and not “6”, and that verb is spelt wrongly. 

Her name is Brenda. She passed on just two days ago. She was 47, leaving behind three children and husband, Noel. The last time we exchanged messages was 21 Jan 2021. I wanted to meet her with my family and hers, and she said when she is up to it, she would want to meet up too. 

We were in fact perfect strangers, but connected by our interests about life, politics and God. She in fact had strong, feisty views about leadership and spoke with such clarity and soul that oftentimes, I had learned quite a lot from her.

I write about her because I read about her in the obituary this morning. She quoted Philippians: “...he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion...” 

It is a familiar verse and I believe the continuation of good works doesn’t end with her passing. It in fact grows stronger and brighter because of such good works that are diligently sown while Brenda is living with purpose and hope. 

It is true that there is no love of life without despair of life. Clarity of living thus comes when we do our best in the different roles we play in life. As a spouse, to love selflessly. As a parent, to give unconditionally. As a friend, to be present intentionally. And as a fellow human being, to build bridges and pursue peace consistently. 

Mind you, these role will challenge us to the core. Some will take us to valleys we dread and into tunnels enshroulded in darkness. Nevertheless, I always believe that even in tunnels as dark as night, there is always clarity as bright as light. And that is the clarity that Brenda’s life embodies. Her legacy has thus become the lens many who know her puts on to live their own life with the same clarity that is as bright as light. 

Alas, in living, she has fought the good fight and never gave up. This was recounted by her in her numerous FB posts. She spread joy and love unconditionally. She warmed hearts and inspired hope. Indeed, you can’t savour life in full without embracing despair as they come. Death is surely not the end of a life. It is a continuation by other means, a means only love, relationship and hope can ever bridge. 

Let me end with a quote from tragic poet Aeschylus.

“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against the will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.”

Indeed, awful grace, for it is not a grace that is pristine and sterile as we all want our life to be, that is, always in control. We can’t approach life the way we approach strict logic, where we take a reductionist approach to decipher its many conflicting mysteries. 

For how is sorrow and joy linked? How is the flip side of death life? How is the opposite of a profound truth another profound truth, even seemingly contradictory? How is faith and hope evidence of things not seen or felt yet as real as things not seen and felt?

Perhaps that is the wisdom of a life lived even beyond the earthly years. It is a life that lives in the shadow of eternity, always looking forward to earn the crown of life by living through - with passion and hope - life’s trials. 

It is a life lived that others cannot forget because she is never really gone. Her memories are the clear signposts of what her life used to be and how they point to a life that has lived in embodied equanimity, courage and faith. 

For me, that is what it means by the verse in Philippians where grace blossoms into wisdom and brings one’s good works to its completion. And Brenda’s life embodies that grace and beauty, though journeyed through despair, yet passing on with hope to inspire us all.

RIP sister. Indeed, his mercies are new every morning 

Ps: I have lost a perfect stranger, a friend I have yet to meet, and a grammar teacher.