Love in many languages.

“It is not that financial stability is not important, but having generosity towards others is more precious to me.” Ms Peng Cheng Yu said. 

She married Abraham Yeo last year. Abraham cofounded Homeless Hearts of Singapore. Their age gap is 13-year apart - he’s 38, she’s 25. Here’s their love story. 

She joined Homeless Hearts as a volunteer and that was when love at first step became a walk down the aisle a few months later. Ms Peng is now 7-month pregnant and is expecting a baby girl. 

“While Mr Yeo’s age was initially a concern, it was his generosity and heart for others, as well as his missionary way of life - choosing to serve God and others - that she also sought to follow that changed her mind.”

That missionary way of life colours everything they do and say. With hearts dovetailed towards generosity, the couple are “also keen to explore adoption and fostering.” 

Abraham said: “Being married also gives us the opportunity to move out into our own space and host people who need space, such as those who are homeless.”

I write this because if there is a black swan in our society when it comes to compatible goals in marriage, Abraham and Cheng Yu must be it. Abraham said: “A reason we were able to progress at this pace was that we had a clear idea of what we were looking for in each other. We know our life goals and the paths we wanted in life are compatible.”

Abraham admits that he married later in life because of the way he had lived, yes, that missionary way of life. That means that if you are scrolling through coffee and bagel and looking for financial stability as one of the prerequisites, well, people like him are out. 

And who doesn’t want that kind of stability? Isn’t it basic? Isn’t it what you want for your daughter in a future son-in-law? No money, erm...hard to talk. Understandable. 

But bucking the trend is Cheng Yu and Abraham. Not that it is not important, but like Cheng Yu said, “having generosity towards others is more precious to me” or us. And the two goals are not mutually exclusive though, and that mutuality reminded me of a scripture in 1 Timothy which says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.”

Likewise, generosity with financial stability is great gain too; for an ungenerous heart will never find stability even if the world is handed over to him on a silver platter. When a heart takes more in than it gives out, what he stores up becomes an obsession, his preoccupation, his distraction. 

For without generosity, the heart piles up for himself what he cannot take with him when he is gone. He can no doubt leaves an amply inheritance, but that doesn’t heal the heart that is untouched by the gift of generosity.

Incidentally, the headline today in the Home Section is about this: “Fewer marriages, more divorces last year”. Couples who are going to ROM to register their marriage is 6 per cent lower last year (2019) as compared to 2018, that is, from 25,434 (2019) against 27,007 (2018).

At the same time, couples who had divorced or annulled their marriage have increased by about 4 per cent, that is, 7,344 in 2018 as compared to 7,623 in 2019. 

Without more, I can’t say in particular that this is a trend. I guess we have to wait and see, although it is quite apparent that over the years, divorces have been rising steadily. 

Sociologist Tan Ern Ser said that the fall in marriages may be due to “a variety of factors”. For example, the economy’s not doing well, deferment to buy flat because of affordability, and “there is a shift in social values towards approval of cohabitation”.

As for rising divorces, Focus on the Family’s principal counsellor Theresa Pong said: -

“Many married couples in the midst of balancing multiple responsibilities and roles, would place their marriages on the backseat, putting greater priority on other aspects of life such as career, finances, and even parenting.”

“Without intentional effort in investing in the marital relationship, this can often lead to an increase in unmet expectations between couples and a variety of marital issues that may result in divorce.”

Well, after reading all that, I choose to end with the missionary way of life of Abraham and Cheng Yu. 

They are newly wed no doubt, and will be starting their family soon. It is definitely an exciting new marital path they will be walking together, from the aisle saying “I do” to the journey they will take saying “I will” - while at the same time, sharing their home and life with those who are in need, those who need shelter, and those who need a warm meal. 

The truth is, nobody can tell for sure whether their union will overcome the test of time, circumstances and even personalities, for marriage is indeed like a searing searchlight of the soul, and it unravels as much as it excites. For while the excitement bubbles at the aisle, the unravelling culminates along the character-testing journey. 

But, I believe with my heart that their marriage is not just a black swan, it is also foundationally sound. Because what they got right is not about meeting their own expectations, or matching the ideal of a marital union.

On the contrary, what they got right is how they seek to serve others first. 

For a marriage that is built on generosity and sacrifices is a marriage that allows love to transcend and overcome all the trials in life. But a marriage based on “unmet expectations” unravels when the first crack emerge. 

Indeed, when the heart is generous, it is always contented. It lacks nothing. It is sufficient by itself. And when you join the two hearts together in their missionary way of life and love, what you have is a marriage built to last for a lifetime, and a legacy that will endure even after they are long gone.