Friday, 18 July 2014

Telling my daughter about pre-marital sex

One day my daughter will come to me and ask me about sex. What will I tell her? How should I put it? I can tell her about the biological aspects of it. I can tell her about the organs and how they work. I can tell her about sperms and the egg. Or I can approach it from another angle. I can take a wholly different tack. I can make it more meaningful for her in view of how the world has sullied the beauty of sex. I can therefore skip the biology part for now and tell her
 about the beauty of sex as it was meant to be and as foretold in an ancient book. 
For a start, I will tell her that it originated with a profound longing from a lonely man long long time ago. This man obviously had everything he wanted and yet it was somehow not enough. He was rich beyond his wildest imagination in a bejeweled garden with a divine companion for eternity. But still he needed something that he could not describe. He just could
not put his existential desire into words.
He knew that it was something that was more precious than gold or silver. He knew that his heart was telling him what he cannot put his mind around. He knew he will never be 
complete without this one thing in his life. But the emptiness was real and it was aching him in ways that all the abundance in the world around him could not satisfy.
The condition of this man troubled his Creator. Nothing created - no matter how spectacular and glorious - was ever going to distract him from this void he was trying in vain to fill. Passing time was like an eternity of heart-wrenching oblivion for him as he tried to keep himself occupied with naming everything in his heavenly residence. Yet the irony did not escape him and his Creator. He
 could name with ease everything he set his eyes upon but he could not name the one thing that would make his life whole and his joy complete.
"Enough is enough!" - his Creator uttered and resigned to the fact that to deny him what he cannot live without would be to leave a perfect place less than perfect. So, the Creator thought about creating something new. He wanted to make it special. He wanted to make it unique. It had to be 
something wholly different from the animals in the shimmering garden. It had to be something that the man could share his most intimate touch and thought with. It had to be something from the man, from his inner most being.
So his Creator put the man to sleep and took something from him and made something out of it. He made it with the man in mind. In the man's sleep, his Creator crafted this new being. He saw the man's dreams and he
 put the measurements to work. He saw the man's hope and he put the soul to form. He saw the man's passion and he put the beauty of love to action. With each passing masterstroke, this new being took shape, took form and took flight.
When the man woke up from the deep sleep, he knew the place was different. It had changed almost instantly and magically. When he set his eyes on her, he was speechless. Suddenly, words that came so
 effortlessly to him escaped from him equally effortlessly. Strangely, a stranger stood before him and yet he felt he had known her all his life.
She smiled at him and moved towards him, trying to make the first connection. He was motionless and teary and felt the emptiness quickly filling up with emotions of unspeakable joy. They then held hands. They smiled at each other. And they went away to celebrate a lifetime of passion and intimacy together.

Here is the sweet irony of this love narrative. God took something from the man and created a lifetime companion from it. What was initially one became two. And yet, in this union of love, they will endeavor to join their hearts, spirit and soul together as one. So what became two eventually returned to become one.
Therein ends this story of creation and love. For my girl, I will tell her that it is also a story
 about the beauty of sex. It is about an intimacy between two souls that goes beyond words. It is about a passion that binds them together for as long as they live. It is about true love, commitment and companionship. And with all that, comes a lifetime of exclusive and shared intimacy. 

But why sex? Because sex is the most precious gift you can offer to another, especially from my daughter to her future husband. It is not to be given away unthinkingly, upon a lark, after a bet, because of a lust-driven request, or to
 appease, entice or exploit. My daughter must hold out this gift to the one who truly deserves it. And the one who truly deserves it is the one who will jealously guard this gift with and for her until the time is right. He is someone who understands that to love is to give and not to take. He is someone who will keep what is meant as the ultimate intimate act between two responsible souls for such time when their love is publicly declared before loved ones.

If true love waits, then what is true 
in love is also true in sex. My daughter will need to know that couples who are truly in love are never in a hurry. They are never in a rush. They wait for the right season for everything. And especially for sex, the right time is without fail on the night after the marital celebration and never anytime before that. In the end, what my daughter needs to know above all this is that a love that lasts invariably saves the best for last. Cheerz.

* Image at 6 years old. She is 9 years old this year.


  1. Beautifully written ... you bring out all the love with which God created man .. and woman ... and sex.

    1. Thanks for sparing the time. Appreciate your feedback. Have a great day. Cheerz.