I always wonder, when a young life ends where does she go? Assuming she goes to heaven, will she find peace there? Will she find what she is looking for? What kind of conversation will she have with God?
Another K-pop star Goo Ha-ra, only 28, has ended her life. Ironically that was what she had control over. She ended it by a decision she’d made independently, on her own, at the very threshold she made it.
Goo was a former member of popular K-pop girl group Kara. It disbanded in 2016. Goo later released a solo Japanese-language single, Midnight Queen, this month. She had also just “wrapped up a mini-tour in Japan from Nov 14 to 19.”
Her death follows at the heels of another K-pop star Sulli, 25 (whose full name was Choi Jin-ri). Both took their lives in the privacy and comfort of their homes. Choi aka Sulli was found dead on 14 Oct.
Goo’s last words were about a certain much-sought-after recovery.
She wrote: “I’m sorry for causing concerns and a commotion. In terms of health, I am recovering...I had been in agony over a number of overlapping issues. But from now on, I will steel my heart and try to show up healthy.”
Overlapping issues? Well, it reports that Goo has been “embroiled in a public row with a former boyfriend whom she accused of assault and said had threatened to release sex tapes of the two of them.”
Mind you, the K-pop industry is ”known for its cut-throat competitiveness, a lack of privacy, online bullying and relentless public pressure to maintain a wholesome image at all times.”
Lesson? One.
We live in different times. We can’t really protect our kids all the time, at least in the way our parents could during their time. And during their time, social media was non-existent.
So, when they need feedback about themselves, they either look at the mirror and do the necessary adjustments or ask their parents and friends for advice, and I trust most of the time, they will be kind and constructive about it.
At least, there were still some filter from trusted loved ones. And their privacy was amply preserved.
At that age, struggling with the fragility of self, they need all the buffer they can muster between themselves and the world (and its culture). But with the rampancy of social media, that buffer is blown away.
In another section of the papers today, Joyce Teo wrote an article entitled “Let’s chat about stress - complications from social media.”
In the article, Dr Charmaine Tang, a consultant from IMH, said that the top stressors among youth are relationship problems, studies or work, and the emerging adult responsibilities.
Dr Tang also said that “social media can add a layer of complexity to the problems some youth face.” She was talking about cyber bullies.
In her chat with 16 to 21, she said, “They may post pictures of themselves looking good, looking slimmer, or of their things in the hope of being perceived in a certain way.”
Dr Tang cited a case where “they were poking fun at her, calling her fat and ugly. Whatever she posted on Instagram, people would slam her. That caused her quite a bit of distress. She was referred by the school counsellor as she had suicidal thoughts and was self-harming.”
Alas, all this somehow reminded me of Goo’s last words, “But from now on, I will steel my heart and try to show up healthy.”
Is our social media age an age where our young strive to “show up” in whatever ways (or image) they feel would please their nameless and faceless fans, acquaintances or friends?
Is it no longer about themselves as themselves in whatever season of nurturing growth they are in, but it is now about what others in social media expect of them and how they try, even if to breaking point, to bridge that gap?
Alas, it used to be that when they look into the mirror, the simple reflection shows only one image, that is, their very own. And from there, they reflect upon it in solitude and do the necessary changes as they deem fit at the pace befitting of that season.
Now, when they look into the social media mirror, what they see are hundreds, if not thousands of faces, with expectations they often struggle to keep up, and with their own image lost in the crowd.
So, let me return to the imagined conversation that Goo may have with God (bear with me here, or indulge me).
...
God: “How are you my child?”
Goo: “Are you...God?”
God nods.
Goo: “Is this heaven?”
God: “It is a place where you can be yourself, yes.”
Goo: “Oh...I am in heaven?”
God smiles.
Goo: “Oh...I am so sorry. What have I done?”
God: “My child, you are here now, with me.”
Goo: “God, why didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you appear and warn me? Surely, that would change things right?”
God: “But, would it have changed you?”
Goo: “erm...I think so. You are God, for heaven’s sake! Oops, sorry.”
God: “My child, you are deeply loved. That love has been there all along. It started from creation and it is made perfect in my son.”
Goo: “yes, I have heard about that. But somehow, it’s just not enough. I needed something more than that. Something that is attention grabbing. God, if I may be frank, at times, my boyfriend and even my fans are more real than you.”
God: “That’s what I mean child. Would it have changed you? What you have been looking for is not what will change you ultimately from the inside. The choices you’ve made have consequences. And they are made not by you, but by the people or things you felt at that time matters to you.”
Goo: “I have been told that many times. It is not easy. I feel I needed to fill that gap, even to breaking point.”
God: “Well child, your rest comes from what you build within you. It comes from finding the right anchor, one that loves you unconditionally.”
Goo: “I have also heard about that too.”
God: “Yes, but hearing it more than once doesn’t make it less true right? It only makes it more urgent, and when you fail to act on it, it makes it more of a nuisance. But truth is tough. It is tough love.”
Goo: “I guess you’re right. You’re God after all. So, where do I go from here?”
God: “You are now in a place you can be yourself. A place where the anchor never changes. It is an anchor that does not depend on views or opinions, but love, overcoming love. It is a place you know on earth as home.”
No comments:
Post a Comment