Easter Sunday - Love never gives up.

You know, when Sammi Cheng, who is a Christian, posted an abridged version of 1 Corinthians 13: "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance,” I told myself there is a good Easter Sunday message hidden in there this morning. 

Led by that verse, she told the media that she is holding on to her marriage because true love never gives up. 

Now, I am not saying that things will eventually work out for them. For who is to know what the future holds for the couple? Only time will tell right? Andy will still have to restore the trust. 

For starters, Andy was and is truly remorseful, at least that was what his 7-mins tearful plea for forgiveness tells me. Although one may doubt his sincerity, I would however go with Sammi on this wholeheartedly, because her reliance on Corinthians is the source of hope for everything that this world has turned its back on.

Let me derail a little to lament about why the verse Sammi cited stands in contrast to the values of the world. 

“Love never gives up” or "Love never fails".

The world is often about giving up. If things do not go your way, give up. If he lies to you, give up. If he commits the unpardonable sin in a marriage, give up. Many have indeed asked Sammi to dump Andy. Her decision had in fact caused a debate about why she had even bothered to forgive him. 

Alas, it seems there is a new shame in the world today. It is the shame of ”why are you still hanging on to that adulterer?” He’s not worth your time or your heart, just give up. 

How about “love never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance?” 

Well, the world sees it differently. The world doesn’t think faith is a worthwhile pursuit.

Faith is the hope of evidence not seen, but the world has no time for that. It wants it now. It wants a tangible touch or things that are set before its eyes. It‘s instant gratification for immediate consumption. A consumerist heart therefore brooks no time lag or lapse. 

The world sees a meek heart as weak, a broken soul as defeated, a repentant spirit as damaged goods, and a returning prodigal son through the envious eyes of his elder brother, not the teary eyes of his Father.

So, in a marital betrayal as biting as Andy’s, the world’s advice to Sammi would be to walk away and find a better, more perfect companion. There is surely one waiting for her out there. Why continue on in a broken marriage? Your heart can’t take another blow from an unfaithful spouse. Protect your heart from now on, at all costs.

At this juncture, with biting irony, the words of CS Lewis come to mind. 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Thankfully, Sammi saw it differently. She said “marriage consists not only of the happiness and warmth they give each other, but also embraces "each other's mistakes" and includes "mutual forgiveness"”. 

Undeniably, that is an apt Easter Sunday message for believers. Although I can’t imagine the pain she has to go through, I can nevertheless learn from her how she had relied on Corinthians for hope, direction and forgiveness. As a Christian, she walked her talk.

She called the incident "an important lesson in our marriage", and said they “need to face up to each other's flaws and not give up on themselves or the other party.”

Alas, if you go into a marriage expecting your the-other-half to be the infallible other-half, then consider CS Lewis’ advice to seal yourself from harm for good, that is, “Lock (your heart) up safe in the casket or coffin...in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable...” 

Of course, there are no free lunches. It takes two to clap in a marriage, and if one is unrepentant, the other party has to make a choice; a painful one no doubt. This is definitely not a case of locking your heart in a casket or coffin. For if you love boldly and freely in this fallen world, you are bound to be hurt deeply too.

On the contrary, this is a case of taking the courage to confront, forgive, and if one continues unrepentant, walk away in peace and hope. Mind you, I am not so delusional to believe that every betrayal in a marriage ends up stronger than before.  

But where the fallen spouse is prepared to do what it takes to make the marriage work, or return broken like the prodigal son did, the other spouse has to make a choice too. Whatever it is, it is still hers or his to make, and duly respected. 

If one makes it the same way Sammi made hers, it brings out a glimpse of this important Easter Sunday message this morning. It is the message of the Cross, and it is about a love that forgives unconditionally even if he has to bear the worst that his persecutors have set up for him. 

This is true freedom. That is, the freedom to set your own self free from hate, a hate that robs your soul from healing, restoration and redemption. Lewis B Swedes once said: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you.”

If you bring the Calvary message into the centre of your marriage, it is truly about second chances; the same gift Sammi offers to Andy. And it is hope that Andy will take it seriously this time. Alas, while the world withdraws from fallen humanity, considering them beyond redemption, Jesus drew them all unto Him - no questions asked - for His love redeems all.

Let me leave you with this thought by Dr Robert Thurman. He said: “It’s impossible to love humanity in general; you can only love humanity in particular.” 

Fyodor Dostoevsky, in The Brothers Karamazov, puts the same truth this way: - 

“The more I love humanity in general the less I love man in particular. In my dreams, I often make plans for the service of humanity, and perhaps I might actually face crucifixion if it were suddenly necessary. Yet I am incapable of living in the same room with anyone for two days together. I know from experience. As soon as anyone is near me, his personality disturbs me and restricts my freedom. In twenty-four hours I begin to hate the best of men: one because he’s too long over his dinner, another because he has a cold and keeps on blowing his nose. I become hostile to people the moment they come close to me. But it has always happened that the more I hate men individually the more I love humanity.”

But in a marriage, that is one luxury the couple have to abandon at the step of the altar. Love is no longer an ideal, that is, a concept about loving in general. 

In a journey where the two shall become one, you can expect more than just tolerating with his nose blowing or her taking too long over her dinner. 

Along the way, your altar profession will be tested, and for some transgressions, you will be tested to the very core of your being. 

From a love that is professed in general, that is, an ideal you are prepared in your dreams to die for, you have to love in particular, in particular, the one you have sworn to love under all circumstances. Are you up to it then? Is your passion strong and real enough for it? 

I believe as a Christian Sammi drew her strength from Corinthians because that was a love that walked with us all the way, from the day of his baptism to the day he breathed his last. 

That was a love that gave Himself for us and joined us with Him forever. It was a love that offered atonement; a word that author Phil  Cousineau wrote can be broken into two, “at” and “onement”, that is, “at one with, in harmony.” That's His love for humanity, particularised for each of us, and offered not as a concept, but a living sacrifice. Amen.

Postscript: -

After the leaked video, Sammi wrote this in her Instagram: “Happiness doesn’t mean everything has to be smooth, there will be tests. I believe this experience will help us get back on the right track and that our lives will be reborn.”

I wish them the very best. Whatever happens, I pray that the message of forgiveness will be restored to the central place of humanity, and in homes and marriages. And in a world of intense anger, distrust and hatred, we need more than ever a forgiveness that is beyond this world. That is, a forgiveness that is timeless, enduring and unconditional. 

Merry Christmas: The Ordinary Christ.

I have been reading the papers for the longest time every morning, and I realised this morning that every page is about a life, a story, a fight, a surrender, a choice and a promise fulfilled.

So, the paper in your hand is an anthology of personal narratives about every person's life for that season in time, and it is a story each of them had lived through and is still living through as I flip the pages to the end.

It is thus for real, that is, the tears are real, the joy is genuine, the struggle is painful, the passing time unforgiving, and the hope is pressing.

There is no other way of capturing these stories except to put them on paper (photo or video), confined to a number of words depending on the narration, limited to a column or half a page, with photos inserted to complete the personal touch.

If you do a quick scan of The Sunday Times, for example, the front page captioned a lawyer Josephus Tan, who is a target of online flak for defending a couple who had tortured a vulnerable youth, Annie Ee, to death, and just below it is a corruption scandal whereby our very own Keppel Corporation (offshore and marine unit) was fined a record sum of US$422m for bribery. You can be sure that executive heads are going to roll.

Then, if you browse through the pages, you will find interesting stories like a cleric in Malaysia censuring fans for attending a candlelight vigil for the late Korean pop star Kim Jong Hyun.

The cleric warned Muslims with these words: "Cannot. You are forbidden from doing that...If it's a non-Muslim, why would we pray heaven for him instead? What's more, he committed suicide, why would we follow the culture of infidel?"

What is even more interesting is a summary of the events that shook 2017, that is, the good, the bad and the ugly under Insight.

Here you will find the nominees of the Singaporean of the Year award leading the charge forward to 2018.

These fighters have a full plethora of struggles and victories to tell with laudable depth from cartoonist Sonny Liew who beat the odds to win three Will Eisner awards for his book "The Art of Charlie Chan Hock Chye to a lawyer Satwant Singh, who will be spending Christmas building his 17th school in Ratokke with 20 volunteers, and to the Para-Olympian gold medalist Jason Chee, his life is just amazing.

One must not forget that riding the waves of these life's champions are the less-inspiring tales of the transport woes under Khaw Boon Wan's leadership, the controversial and bitter-sweet taste of the recent Presidential election, the radicalisation of our youths here, and the one event that took the cake last June/July was the Lee Family Saga.

The latter practically woke Parliament up with unprecedented urgency for a two-day personal triumphalist vindication.

These were the unforgettable words of our PM when he was asked about healing the rift: "Perhaps one day when emotions have subsided, some movements will be possible. These things take time."

Lesson? Indeed, these things take time.

The corruption, the bribery takes time. The beliefs of a lawyer on justice to and for all, regardless of how egregious their crime as perceived by some take time.

The religious underpinning of the cleric's rebuke takes time. The perseverance of the nominees for the Singaporean of the Year takes time. And the transport woes, the radicalisation process, and the healing of the family ties all take time.

My point is that every story I read about in the papers on a daily basis concerns the life of people and corporations thus far. It is the stories of their struggles, stumbles and falls, and overcoming up to the time the press goes to print.

In other words, they, and for that matter, we are not done yet. Unless of course, it involves a suicide or a death, then one can argue that his/her story has technically ended there and then.

But even for a termination of a life, it does not necessarily bring the story to an end. Mind you, the stories of the many valiant deaths, and the many ignominious ones, have regaled us, inspired us, awaken us, shocked us, relieved us, and empowered us.

Even in death, some legacies survive and pulsate in the continuum line of past and future histories, and others have left us scratching our heads wondering: "What just happened?"

Death therefore does not put an end to a life's story. It just creates more stories about it as lives in the living years ride on the lessons learnt in that life that went before it to cause an enduring inflection point in their own life's trajectory.

You can say that a life in living and in dying is always sending ripples of changes across his/her own circle of influence, which may be within close-knit relationships or on a global scale, and they are never forgotten because these ripple effects often cause a chain-reaction of forward-moving transformation.

This Christmas, one of the oldest stories I know has and is still sending ripples in the course of time, that is, past, present, and I believe, in the future. It is the ageless story of a man who gave up all for all.

At the lowest point in Calvary, there is nothing supernatural about his sacrifice. It is the most uneventful in fact. He died together with common thieves. You can't get any more pedestrian than that.

Jesus is many things to me, that is, a miracle worker, the great sage, the weather changer, and the death defeater. But what moves me most about his life story is not the supernatural, but the natural.

He defeated all odds, overcame life's obstacles and completed the race not with supernatural powers, that is, by wondrously bending time and warping space. On the contrary, he overcame all with the most natural, that is, a surrendered heart, an obedient will, and a crucified flesh.

When it matters most for him to dispense his supernatural powers to create a ripple effect of wows! and awe!, Jesus chose instead the bitter cup of obedience, forgiveness and love at Calvary to make the enduring difference.

It is therefore the ordinary Christ that moved me most, and most intimately, because it is his ordinariness that I can relate to most deeply when I face my own trials in life.

Let me end with the words of a great late historian, Will Durant, who had won many awards, including the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and spent 50 years writing the eleven-volume series, The Story of Civilisation.

In his end-of-his-life book entitled "Fallen Leaves", he concluded one of the chapters "Our Gods" with this pervading sentiment:-

"If I could live another life, endowed with my present mind and mood, I would not write history or philosophy, but would devote myself to establishing an association of men and women free to have any tolerant theology or no theology at all, but pledge to follow as far as possible the ethics of Christ, including chastity before marriage, fidelity within it, extensive charity, and peaceful opposition to any but the most clearly defensive war. I can imagine what fun the wits of the world could have with this paragraph, and I know how unpopular and precarious my proposed fellowship of semi-saints would be; but I would rather contribute a microscopic mite to improving the conduct of men and statesmen than write the one hundred best books."

That is in fact the timeless story of the Ordinary Christ, the Lover of my Soul.

Merry Christmas to all, and have a Blessed New Year. Cheerz.