Calling the young to embrace the crucible of adversity.

Never say die. It’s not all gloom and doom. Group solidarity. Play our part. Don’t just rely on Government. And the best way to predict the future is to create it.

How about that? Minister Lawrence Wong has spoken. It was at the NTU’s student union forum. His theme? Embrace difficult times as crucibles that forge character. 

He borrowed the adage of “how one could deal with adversity by letting it define, destroy or strengthen one.” How do you argue with that? You know the good minister is right, right? Inspired? Well, you have to be there to soak in the esprit de corps. 

He also said: “The Goverment will do our part to support you, and partner you in this exciting journey ahead.” I think that has always been our nation’s philosophy, from independence to the 4G leadership. It’s about adversity, agency and autonomy. That is, you do your part, we do ours. 

Mind you, the gap is not bridged by one party at one extreme. It is bridged by two parties meeting somewhere in the middle, or center left/right. But still, you have to take that first step, and be consistent in spirit and mind about wanting to embrace adversity, making a positive change and making it count until you reach your goal.

And talking about agency and autonomy, I am reminded about the resource curse. Over the decades, stats have shown that those “blessed” with natural resources like oil and minerals are always struggling to stand on their own two feet as a society or nation. 

Their society is so pampered, they suffer the consequences of fragility and inflexibility. More insidious is complacency and the prevalence of internal strife, where what comes too easy from mother nature tends to corrupt what is inherent in our human nature.

So, adversity can define you. It can transform or destroy you. That is why it is only half truth when they say that you give a man a fish and you feed him a day. But you teach him how to fish, well, you feed him a lifetime. That much resonated with me, especially the second part. Yet, after you teach him (or her), the next step is to go out there to fish. Fish don’t come to you, or throw themselves onto dry ground for you. 

And when you do go out there, don’t expect calm waters all day long. At times, things are beyond your control; like storms, they can wreck your day or catch. What-chew gonna do then?

That is the greatest struggle for anyone, at any age, right? And to be consistent about it, pushing through it with grit and determination, well, that can’t exactly be taught. That was what Lawrence meant when he said: “the bottom line is that all Singaporeans have to play their part and not just rely on the government measures and policies.” Each doing their part. 

Yet, between giving someone a fish, teaching to catch fish and rowing out there to haul in the catch (you can see how the transition subtly makes the giver or tutor unnecessary over time), there are many seasonal gaps that the young have to bridge. And it can be a real struggle too.

Yes, those upper class families will have it easier, but not those languishing at the lower rungs of society. That is in fact the mother of all gaps, and for some societies, especially the developed ones, with very high wealth and social inequalities, it’s really never the twain shall meet. The struggle for them is even harder. 

That alone is a major factor contributing to our age of disillusionment, especially for the young.

Sometimes, when I do sit down at some of these conferences, when they do speak about positivity and encouraging pick-me-ups, I always feel something is missing. In other words, that gap between the speaker and the listeners is just visceral, raw and real. 

Well, I am not giving excuses for procrastination or not breaking the inertia when self-mastery and self-responsibility are called for, but the young today are facing very different existential challenges from the young of past generations before them.

In a timely article today, entitled “Young graduates: Could economic and political setbacks radicalise a generation?”, a group of writers came forward to spell out a very different zeitgeist our younger generation are living in (or confronting). 

Apart from the wealth gap, they are struggling with their disillusionment with politics, as in the division and often juvenile antics of various political parties and leaders. They essentially felt “abandoned” by politicians. And the jobless rate has changed too, not on the rosy side though. For those under-25s, it rose from 11.5% to 12.95% (between Feb last year and this June, according to OECD countries). 

“In Britain, people aged under 30 are now four times as likely to rent than they were two generations ago”. And a Cambridge University study in 2020 shows that “faith in the democratic system had already experienced its steepest fall even amongst those aged 18 to 34 in the eve of the pandemic”. 

In one of the litany of lamentations, a technical analyst Niharika Singh, who emigrated to the US from India at age two, said: “My parents have literally said that they don’t want me and my sister to settle down here with our families eventually. This country has not lived up to the expectations we had, which is so jarring.”

I know Niharika is talking about America, that is, the nation’s social safety net is too narrow, but in Singapore, there is some parallel when it comes to the high cost of living, the income and social gaps, the struggles of the poor, and the hidden merit-fueled society, which outwardly embraces those less credentialed, yet inwardly conveniently shifts one’s prejudices, but not jettison it all out of his/her system. 

Alas, discrimination still exists, whether it is by merit, by age and/or by class. I won’t be surprised if some Singaporean parents offer the same advice Niharika’s parents gave to her - “don’t settle down here”. 

Well, our ministers can sit in an air-conditioned hall to encourage, and that is no doubt necessary and timely. But, the reality for many can be too discouraging for a seasonal pat-on-the-back speech. Good intention aside, it is the bleak ground condition that drowns out the positive, celebratory cheers by the side. 

What’s more, with the decline in religious faith amongst the young, and the climate emergency and random flooding, akan datang to a flat land near you, well, you sometimes have to squint real hard to find the silver lining in the gathering storm. 

Let me nevertheless end with what one graduate of anthropology in London, Hannah Tasker, said. ““I’ve learnt that “political” doesn’t have to mean political parties”...It means whether there is justice, whether the country and economy and society are working for everyone.”” Hannah however said, “it is not.”

That’s true. It still leaves much to be desired. Imperfect, screwed-up, world right? And Hannah and the many voices of disillusionment have all got a point. 

But, after all’s said, and when the rubber of self-mastery meets the plain hard road, I can’t say Lawrence is wrong. 

For who can argue with saying that “it’s not all gloom and doom”? Or, who can dispute the adage that “one could deal with adversity by letting it define, destroy or strengthen one”? Isn’t it true that we have come so far because we have not allowed adversity to destroy us, but strengthen us? 

They say people who are experiencing sadness, see the world more realistically and clearly. I guess that is why it is said, “blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Truly, out of the ashes, one eventually rises. 

So, at every crossroad or intersection of one’s life, we have to challenge ourselves, and pick up the broken pieces to start all over. Every step counts, every step to our own recovery. 

And yes, the best way to predict the future is to create it. But you have to want to see or imagine it first. More importantly, there must be a future in the first place where all people of all races, classes and cultures can have a fair stake in it. No one wants to labour in vain, without hope. 

I guess, we will just have to work together, because what doesn’t kill us indeed makes us stronger. And we have to decide to persist to make it work for all, and for all our future generations, in one group solidarity, towards vision and hope.

 

Samuel Lim - the acid boy turned life warrior.

You have heard of China’s “Ice Boy”. He is Wang Fuman, only 8 then. He came from an ”ordinary, impoverished child living in Ludian county, in southwestern China’s Yunnan province.”

Wang was shot to Internet fame when he braved ”a freezing winter’s morning trek across the snowy 4.5km-walk to attend Zhuanshanbao Primary School.”

Well, in Singapore, we have “Acid Boy”. He is 20-year-old Samuel Lim. Jasmine Choong, ST photojournalist, reported and interviewed Samuel in the papers yesterday. 

Notwithstanding that Samuel is young “with prodigious talents in music and language,” holding “a Grade 9 with distinction in Chinese string instrument guzheng and a Grade 8 in both piano and music theory” and currently studying Linguistics in NTU, he said: "I am just a boring person with an interesting history.”

Now, if Ice Boy trekked 4.5km to school everyday, Samuel’s journey has many challenges too. And it is not just about the distance he has to cover in life, but the depth of his resolve to overcome. 

This is how Jasmine reported it. 

“On June 29, 1999, (Samuel) made the headlines as Singapore's "miracle acid attack baby" - a label he could not get rid of growing up.

When he was three months old, a maid poured sulphuric acid down his throat, burning his vocal tract. The incident left him with speech impairment.

He was at his grandmother's flat and the two maids the family hired did not get along with each other.One of them was jealous that the other seemed to be doing a better job than her at being a maid, so when she was alone with the baby, she attacked him.

The baby was rushed to the Paediatric Intensive Care Unit at the National University Hospital.”

Lesson? Just one. It is about definition. It is almost natural or second nature for us to allow what happens (or happened) outside of us to define who we are inside. 

After the acid attack, this is a list of what Samuel has to go through as reported: -

1) “The acid had burned his tongue, chin, upper airway and gastrointestinal tract.”

2) “To speak, he blocks the tube with his finger and out of his mouth comes a high-pitched, airy and sometimes squeaky voice.” As such, people have to strain to listen to him speak. 

3) Samuel “has had to endure about 10 operations - he has lost count - because of intestinal obstructions, which were a regular occurrence when he was a child, and to improve the quality of his life. The last operation he underwent was in 2017, after his A levels, to improve his ability to breathe. "It's just like a normal visit to the hospital, in and out of the ward,” he said. 

And,

4) He has “to feed himself eight packets of liquid formula a day by connecting a gastrostomy tube to a hole in his stomach and pouring the liquid - which he calls his "milk" - into it.“”

Despite all that, Samuel said: “I feel that neither my medical condition nor achievements alone are sufficient in defining 'me', as both aspects have paved and will continue to pave my life."

That’s definition, and it carries an urgent and important message. This message is best broken down by the philosopher Epictetus. 

Here it is in one go. 

“What disturbs men's minds is not events but their judgements on events: For instance, death is nothing dreadful, or else Socrates would have thought it so. No, the only dreadful thing about it is men's judgement that it is dreadful. And so when we are hindered, or disturbed, or distressed, let us never lay the blame on others, but on ourselves, that is, on our own judgements. To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education; to accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun; to accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.”

Samuel’s definition on what defines him captures the essence of Epictetus’ message. 

Indeed, neither his medical condition nor achievements alone are sufficient in defining him because for him both aspects have paved and will continue to pave his life.

This may be basic 101 of living, and trite in many ways, but the gap between the education of the mind and the education of the heart is, for some, unbridgeable because when it happens to you, when you are in the eye of the storm, going through the daily grind, what is basic 101 becomes tragic 101. And tragedy has a life of its own, it perpetuates self-misery. 

But Samuel would have none of it. 

Since the acid attack, he has scaled from one height to another. He refuses to be conditioned by what is external to him, particularly, that which he cannot change, that is, the speech impediment, the public stares, the difficulty in swallowing, and the ins-and-outs of the hospital ward. 

In fact, Samuel’s achievements are inspiring. He had “received the SPD Youth Aspiration Award in 2014” and he ”scored an L1R5 of nine points for his O-level exams in 2016.” He was also “invited to perform the guzheng and piano in televised charity fund-raisers in 2015 and 2017.” 

Yet, as he said, none of that (or his tragedy in the past) defines him. Both of them, in fact, work together in their season and own unique ways to redefine his life towards empowerment and personal fulfilment, regardless. 

As Epictetus puts it, “to accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete,” and Samuel at such a young age has (in my view) come full circle in life’s education. 

Of course, when reporting of such news, you don’t get to read about his private struggles and I trust they are many. Yet, when your life is being reported, when you come to that stage, others get to read the summation of your struggles and it is about an overcoming of net effect - that is, the innermost resolve to overcome out-matched the circumstantial struggles to assign blame and resign to one’s fate. 

That is what makes a life like Samuel so encouraging and uplifting. And let me end with his own words, the same way Jasmine ended the report:- 

"I feel that people talk about medical conditions and treat them as 'disabilities' instead of 'traits' or 'unique behaviours' I'm just a stereotypical boy with a twist, living in the present."”

Press on Samuel, your journey may be long, but your heart has enough mileage to cover it and more.

Generation Grit Winners.

We need hope in this day and age. We need to be inspired. We need to believe again. 

Leading the charge for hope, inspiration and resilience are 25 nominees under the ST Generation Grit Award 2018. 

What these nominees have in common is that they are young, they have gone through tough times, and they emerged from it stronger with hope undimmed. 

We have Jean Tan, 33. She is “a singer-songwriter who was born with a severe cleft palate and was told she would never be able to speak properly.” She has gone to produce several albums. 

We have Jun Xiang, 22, who “went from Normal stream to studying medicine at the National University of Singapore”.

We have Yong Jie, 23, who “had a stroke at the age of 19 and was retrenched from his job later. Now he is studying to be a social worker.”

We also have a childhood cancer survivor, “she is now a national archer” (Keller Chai, 21). 

How about Hairul, who “overcame a tough childhood to graduate with First Class Honours in law” and “a top student whose parents died suddenly. His mother committed suicide, and his dad died in his sleep”? 

The list goes on and on. They will be recognised and honoured on May 6 at the National Library. 

Kudos to ST Theresa Tan for finding these exceptional individuals fighting their own fight, standing firm against the storm of doubts, and overcoming all odds to be where they are today. 

Of course, their journey has not ended. For many it has just begun. It is still a long journey. But they have a template to follow. They once overcame. Their hope once guided them. They will thus not take things for granted. 

Theresa said: “In this age of disruptions, I feel we need to tell more stories of hope, of courage, of resilience.”

Lesson? One.

Einstein once said this, “There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

In similar vein, you can live your life two ways too, as though nothing is possible, or as though everything is possible.

Miracles and possibility are two sides of the same circumstantial coin. 

When life descends into chaos, when all seems lost, and hope dims into a blur, these generation gritters (for lack of a better term) took the road less travelled and created a way for themselves. 

They focused on that which gave them hope, enduring hope, like their family, their passion, their belief in themselves, the encouragements from loved ones, their faith, and even that small sterling voice from within amidst the loud clamour to give up without. 

Of course, they have every reason to give up. Life didn’t in the first place start for them on a paved path with bed of roses on its sides and a firm hand to hold on to and guide them along the way. 

Yet, they turned that reason (to give up) into purpose, and that purpose into determination, and with every determination, it bore fruits that opened doors for them. 

We have a teen who slept at the void deck with her siblings. Zulayqha now “worked her way out of poverty to be a social work associate.” She said: “I hope that through this nomination, I can motivate and continue to inspire more millennials to contribute more to society.”

Then, we have a teen gangster who became a top student and entrepreneur (Jasper Yap, 24). And we have a “blind SIM undergraduate who teaches other visually impaired people to use tech in their daily lives.” (Chia Hong Sen, 22). 

Yes, we can always say that their circumstances differ from ours and they are not us. We can say that everybody wears their own shoes and walk their own paths, and the steps each person takes and the road he or she walks on differ in personality, timing, in circumstances, and even in luck too. 

But, say what you want, their struggles are the same. They were once just as lost as us in our own circumstances. Timing and luck have never been kind to them. 

In fact, for many of them, their paths were often very lonely and dark, and all they had was just enough light to shine on the next 

uncertain step ahead; the rest is pitch darkness. 

Mind you, this is not just a metaphor, but a lived experience, painful and heart-wrenching. 

And their personality might differ, but like all of us, nobody is stripped of the freedom to make choices along the way. 

The problem is never about making bad choices. We are all guilty of it. It is however when we refuse to make good ones that our path remains as it is, a downward spiral. 

These 25 nominees however turned their life around when they turn their choices around. 

Sure, some of them have made bad choices. Some are born with bad genes. And others are thrown into bad circumstances from the get-go.

But, they are tough not just because they lived through tough times. It is because they make tough choices, that is, choices of never giving up, choices of believing in themselves, and choices to focus on hope and not disappointments, on life and not suicide, and on embracing and transforming fear and doubts, and not being consumed by them.

So, Einstein was right about the two ways of living our life. It is essentially about perspectives. 

And just because there is a mountain before you, it doesn’t mean that there is no horizon after it. It is merely block by it. 

And for the 25 nominees, they are undeterred by their own mountains. They scaled it, overcame their circumstances, and in their own ways, stood at the top to enjoy the glorious views before them. That’s what makes these ordinary young people extraordinary.

I have learned that no matter how bad things are...

I have learned that no matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse. 

If pain is inevitable, then misery is optional. Pain like suffering comes unbidden. 

But they often do not stay for long. Once the bad news is announced, or the bad event comes, they - like messengers - take their leave. 

They bid you farewell. They have done their part. Their work is complete. The rest is up to you. In their departure, what is often left behind is either misery or hope, helplessness or resilience, resignation or resolution. 

I believe a time is given for mourning. A time for reflection. A time for grieve. After that, it's time for recovery. You can either make it better or make it worse. 

You can ruminate until it hurts. You can sleep all day and refuse to move a muscle. You can mope and sulk to attract pity. You can play the victim and soak up the attention. You can make it worse by refusing to make it better. 

Your choice counts. Your response is invaluable. Your resolve matters.

When you have hit rock bottom, it is often said that the only way to go is up. But many are forgetting that rock bottom is a breeding ground for false comforts too. 

Many will seek solace in staying down instead of drawing hope in standing up. 

To many, wallowing in "rock bottom" is a form of negative rejuvenation where hopelessness and helplessness take turn to demoralize the victim down a vicious spiral of restless desolation. 

So, if the mother of invention is necessity, then the mother of overcoming is proactivity. We take control of the messiness in our life and set things right once again. 

It is a tough undertaking no doubt but every step forward is nevertheless a step that deeply empowers. Falling flat or falling forward is still our choice. 

What makes the crucial difference is a choice that is invested to change our life for the better. The changes may be small, seemingly insignificant, but the circumstantial forces rallied around that one act of proactivity contain the power to break down many walls that conspire to cage us in. 

Never underestimate the power of positive chain reaction. 

Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the Nazi occupation, in his bestseller "Man's Search for Meaning" made this observation:- 

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in numbers, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances - to choose one's own way." 

So, yes, times can indeed be bad, no sweat. You are there to make it better. 

Let me end with this reminder. 

There is a crack in everything that God has made. The crack is to allow His light to enter; or else, we would be in a very dark place. 

This light seeks to lead us to the rock that is "higher than I" where we can stand above the trouble waters. It is a place of hope, a place of faith, a place of blessed assurance. 

But the journey to the rock starts with a crack. It starts with our surrender. It starts with letting go and not holding on. It starts when we return to the innocence of a child and not become entrenched in the arrogance of a religious scribe.

As T.S Eliot puts it in "East Coker":-

"In order to arrive at what you do not know

You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.

In order to possess what you do not possess

You must go by the way of dispossession.

In order to arrive at what you are not

You must go through the way in which you are not.

And what you do not know is the only thing you know

And what you own is what you do not own

And where you are is where you are not."

To me, that is faith. Not arrived faith, but journey faith. Not righteousness declaring, but imperfection overcoming. And not riches in appearance, but riches in the eternal hope of His reappearance. Amen. Cheerz.

3 rules to live an almost adversity-free life (barring any unforseen accident).

Living a life free of adversity? That's impossible. But you can keep it to the minimum, an almost adversity-free life. In fact, so minimal that you would not be able to recall a day where you have a heartbreaking experience, I mean ever.

Here are 3 simple rules to follow slavishly to live such a life. And if you should find yourself straying from the rules, then a quick self-administered trouble-shooting exercise would point you to 
a violation of either one or all of the 3 rules. Once the violation is found, swiftly correct and quickly re-apply the rules back into your life. Here are the 3 rules.

1) AVOID friendships at all costs. Please bear this in mind at all times. Of course, you can make friends but keep them really superficial. Touch and go (figuratively speaking). Most of life's sufferings come from friendship betrayals, envy and disappointments. You really don't need 
such crippling and unhappy emotions poking holes into your blissful sail in calm waters. 

The point is that you want to die with a smile, and long-running, intimate friendship, which are marred by the disappointing highs and depressing lows, does nothing but wipe that smile off your mortician-beautified face. It is therefore safest to make as few friends as possible, preferably none. 

So, avoid club membership, church services, social gatherings, birthday parties, and even water-cooler chats. The latter may seem harmless but you might just meet your life-long buddy or BFF in one of those harmless chats and that will be the end of the road of a blissful life for you. Don’t get lure in by the fake smiles, the enticement of eternal life or the heartwarming sentiments of a social bond. You just can't afford the time, emotion and effort regardless of how rewarding it may turn out for you. 

Remember, encouragement, support and good company are all grossly overrated. And you should keep everyone on a don't-need-to-know basis, that is, I-really-don't-need-to-know-your-problem level. You will know that you have 
succeeded in this rule if everyone you know, even your family members and relatives, remain nothing more than mere acquaintances to you. This way, their problem is really not your problem. And needless to say, your conscience is crystal clear because you really don’t know them that well to show them a smidgen of concern. 

It is said that hell is other people. So heaven on earth for you is naturally an island of one.

2) Whatever you do, DON'T fall in love. This is the most important rule of the three. They don't call it Venus flytrap for nothing. Although unlike a black widow spider where the male gets eaten alive right after sex, falling in love is falling into a black-hole of the most muddled and frustrating complexity you will ever experience in your life. You don’t need all that emotional pull-me-downs. Trust me, there is no better way of maintaining a neat and ordered life where you are in control till your last breath than to avoid that dreary marital road. 

For this reason and this reason alone, you must run for your life when you feel that tingling urge to commit unconditionally to the opposite sex for a lifetime. And courtship is a taboo word in this rule because you are not courting love or happiness but a lifetime of misery, pain and disappointments. The relationship of one is already complicated enough; imagine a lifelong relationship of two! 

You will know that you have failed this rule miserably if you take that fatal and sorrowful walk down the aisle. It’s all downhill from there. A marriage is a harvest of irredeemable sadness (rather be eaten alive just after sex right?) They don’t call it tying the “dead” knot for nothing. And the false advertisement of marriage is the inimical offspring and that dastardly marital bliss. In fact, the only bliss you will encounter is to wave goodbye to it almost immediately after the honeymoon is over. And I won't even start with the offspring because there are some god-forsaken places that even fearless angels fear to tread. 

So avoid falling in love if you want to live a life of never getting your heart broken. You have been duly warned.

And last but not least...

3) Find a career with LITTLE OR NO responsibility. Once you satisfy the two rules above, this last rule is chicken feet. It in fact comes naturally (or inevitably). And jobs like that are not hard to find. Just check out the classified ads for low-paying, routine-9-to-5, hidden-under-the-clerical-desk kind of work. 

Of course, you can forget about promotion, recognition, and accolades. Just be satisfied with sheer mediocrity. Live a wallpaper life. Stay invisible to all. Mind you, I am not being sarcastic here. Success is really overrated. Recall the saying appropriately adapted here: "Rather a big fish in a puddle than a guppy in a thriving ocean?" 

So learn to be immune to delusionary self-talk like "Be your best", "Be proactive", "Sharpen the saw" and "Live to make a difference". Water off a duck’s back I say. They are all delusionary self-talk because in a rat-race, you still die a rat. And if Skinner’s strict behaviorism were right about us, then we are all Pavlov’s dogs conditioned by a heartless system that makes us salivate for all the wrong reasons. 

So, be proud to be an underachiever. Be proud to be nothing. Be proud to achieve nothing. Now don't worry about being influenced by others who may inspire you to soar or despise you for your mediocrity or be envious of their successes because rule 1 and 2 above will effectively ensure that you have little or no friends, wife or children to make you feel even an iota of guilt. Your conscience will be insulated by a moat of blissful ignorance all the time, for all time.

So, once you stick by these three rules as if your life depends on them, you will flourish in your own idiosyncratic way. People will find you weird but that's their problem – not yours. You will hardly have any friends but hey, that's the price worth paying for not getting hurt. And without a wife and those cumbersome offspring, you are only accountable to yourself 
and no one else. How can your life not be almost adversity-free then? This is what it means to be in absolute control of your life. Further, your job will demand nothing from you. Absolutely nothing. Neither will life as a whole. You will be free, carefree and worry-free!

I guess freedom to live is to be free from disappointments, hurts and pain. And an adversity-free life is to be born and then to die; and in the middle, to avoid living altogether. Cheerz.