When you come to read this, you should be sixteen. It
would be 11 years from now. By then, you’ll know intimately what I mean when I
say "I love you." To be
honest, I can't forget your look to me now when I say those words. Being only
5, your response is as varied as the stars.
Sometimes, you would smile at me when I say "I love you". I really don't know
what is going on in that little tiny brain of yours when you throw me that most
disarming smile. Other times, you would be too preoccupied with your playtime
to pay daddy any attention. That's perfectly fine with me because you were just
being your adorable self and I’d have it no other way.
Still at other times, you would pause and
look at me after my affectionate declaration and give me an unexpected embrace.
The latter response always melts my heart. It’s a moment of depth and high all
at one go for me. And it is also magical because that brief embrace seems to
bring time to a halt. In that defining moment, I lose myself in your little
tiny body of contact. I feel safe, validated, worthy, whole, complete, and
fulfilled in your squeeze. That's how reassuring your hug is to me.
You see, I can be the busiest father on earth where
everything is spinning out of control, but that pause, that look and that
embrace would freeze everything in its place - in suspended animation - while I savor the moment and experience a
paradigm shift in perspective and thought. Somehow the values I hold dear in
this world take a relativistic spin and I am instantly reminded of what is
truly important, enduringly valued, and intimately treasured.
My dear, that's the spellbinding hold you have on me.
That's our unbreakable connection, our spirited bond that cannot be exchanged for
gold, silver or bitcoin. It’s just priceless. And I want you to know that. I
want you to know the impact you have on me, your smitten dad. But I guess at 5,
my wish may just be a tad too ambitious. Instead, I would be contented if you
just squeeze me a little longer and then return to your playtime. The result would be equally magical for me.
Having said that, I still harbor this hope that when you
grow older, say 16, you’ll be able to read this love note and appreciate what an enduring transformation you have been in my life. It is a life that couldn’t be any fuller
with your presence in it.
My dear Joy, you may be my daughter and I your father, but
when it comes to growth and maturity, I want you to know that the effect is
mutual. It's a two-way street, that is, I grow just as much as when I watch you
grow under my care, love and nurture; if not more. I cannot help but grow in my
humanity as I watch you grow in yours.
Our relationship is special not just because we are
genetically linked but we are also kindred spirits. Our souls are connected and
your joy is mine and your pain is even more so for me. I feel everything you feel even if
you do not fully appreciate those feelings you are having now. Your laughter
goes deep into my soul. You tears burn long in my heart. Your playfulness winds
up my spirit. Even your anger - in its
own childish ways - leaves an endearing aftermath.
If Achilles’ heel is his weakness, then you are mine. My
heart has a secret chamber for you that is shared with none other. And I am forever changed because
you have come into my life. My world is kinder, brighter, deeper, bigger and
livelier because of you. So happy birthday Joy, daddy's hope, love, resilience
and endless joy. Cheerz.
