Showing posts with label perseverance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perseverance. Show all posts

Thursday, 5 May 2016

Letter to my daughter: Don't give up.


Dearest daughter, don't give up. That is the one thing you need to know about life. Don't give up. It is encouraging how life opens doors for you if you don't give up.

Of course, you can't be doing everything and persist like a deluded mule. Your time and resources are limited. You have to choose your battles, pick your fights. Some things are just worth fighting for. Some things reward you beyond the immediate and material. They are priceless.

Relationship is one of them. Character is another. Controlling your carnal appetite is yet another. I can name others but you get the picture.

They are worth your time and effort because they transform you when you persevere. And the transformation is value added. You become better. You experience granular improvement. You move forward with every step taken. You are perfecting yourself, making the change towards completeness.

It is like spring cleaning where you remove the clutter from your soul piece by piece. You give yourself more room to grow, more breathing space to change. The process can be painstaking at times but the progress however small is deep and empowering.

Darling, you can always draw inspiration from never giving up because what you don't give up changes you. Let me explain.

I will not always be around to encourage you. Neither will your mom be. But let the progress you make - every little step forward - remind you that you have come too far to ever make giving up worth giving up. In other words, you draw strength from knowing that you are one step closer to your goal. You build hope from having closed the gap even if it is only by that tiny estate. You allow resilience to nudge you in the direction that you have set your heart and soul on.

Every step forward therefore counts and every great accomplishment cannot do without every one of those small steps. That is how you make never giving up a prize you can't afford to give up. That is how you strengthen your resolve to fight for what is worth fighting for.

At times, it is mainly mind over matter. But if you mind it, my dear, you make giving up matter. And it matters because it just costs too much.

Daughter, this doesn't just apply to your studies, job hunting, career and promotion. It also applies to finding love, hope, beauty, meaning, purpose, faith and trust in people and relationships - if not more so.

In life, people will disappoint you. They will. It's part and parcel of living. Even people you trust and love may let you down. You may let them down too. This is one of the basic rules of life: "You just can't control outcomes."

My dear, not every sincere effort expended is bound to go upstream for you. Sometimes they go downstream, and unexpectedly. You can't prevent it. And most times, it's not your fault.

But don't let a grade, a reprimand, a disappointment, a hope lost, a shame, a mistake,  a failure, a pain, even a betrayal cause you to give it all up. Don't let them derail you. Life is really much bigger than that and you are far stronger than you give yourself credit for.

And when any of that happens, the bad stuff, it is alright to feel the way you ought to feel. You will be affected. You will feel down. But while outcomes are beyond your control, your response to them is within your control. And this is where not giving up features most prominently. You therefore change what you can change and allow what you can change change what you can't.

That too is one of life's basic rules. It is also life's most empowering rule because when you respond to life's challenges with perseverance, you will be amazed at what you can overcome. You will also be amazed at how far you can go to make the difference in your life and the life of others through your example.

And when you choose to embrace love, hope, beauty, meaning, purpose, faith and trust as you advance forward, life pays you back in kind. She rewards you in ways most satisfying.

With love, you are richer. With hope, you see above the storms. With beauty, you live with such depth and awe. With meaning and purpose, you are never lost. With faith, you are fulfilled. And with trust, you become more human. All this, my child, are the fruits of perseverance, the harvest of your labor.

So, after all’s said, it still needs to be said with conviction, "Don't give up." Pass this down to your children the same way I have passed it down to you here. Better still, live it out in your life and let your offspring embrace it in their hearts. For life is what happens to you when you show up. Success is what happens to you when you stay the course. And never giving up is what living to the fullest is all about. Love daddy. Cheerz.

Saturday, 7 November 2015

Professor Michael Sandel and Yahoo! Jerry Yang.


Today’s paper showcased two noble men. One is a professor and the other a technology honcho. They spoke about things that money cannot buy. One gave a lecture in NUS’s Cultural Center and the other gave an interview about his life and success at Yahoo!

Professor Michael Sandel started the ball rolling when he said, “Today, there are very few things that money can’t buy. The greater the tendency to put a price on everything, the greater the risk that market thinking will erode or crowd out non-market values (that have) to do with community, family civil life. We need to have a public debate about where market values serve the public and where they do not.”

Next comes Jerry Yang. He spoke about his humble beginnings before he became the CEO of Yahoo! He took that name Yahoo! because he wanted to laugh at himself. “Yahoo” refers to someone who is “uncivilized and rude.” He recalled this quote: “Sit loosely in the saddle of life.” Mm…as an aside, maybe the issue with us is that we take ourselves too seriously and see every fall from the saddle of life as a personal failure (a personal indictment) instead of a lesson to be learned (where we swiftly hop back onto our saddle to continue our journey of discovery).

When Jerry (at 10 years old), his mother and brother came to America (from Taiwan), he admitted that he knew only one English word “shoe”. Over the years, he worked hard, aced an advanced English placement class, got his Bachelor and Masters from Stanford University, founded Yahoo! and became its CEO from 2007 to 2009. He attributed his success to what money cannot buy, that is, his mother’s support, hard work, and perseverance.

Lesson? Three simple ones.

1) Indeed, there are few things that money cannot buy. No doubt money talks. But at times, where it really matters, it remains mute, reserved and silent. What speaks louder (than money) when the rubber meets the road is to “stick to your guns” – as Jerry Yang puts it. “When I told my Mom that I was stepping out of my Ph.D. to start a company and basically sell “Internet advertising” for a living, she wasn’t too keen on the idea, but she supported me.” Now that is one “non-market value” that money cannot even hope to buy. It is the love, faith and trust of a loved one or two.

I guess the opposite of wealth is not poverty, it is the misguided belief that when you have money, everything will somehow fix itself, turn out good, and you will make it big. There is no greater poverty of thought than that mindset.

2) Professor Sandel was quizzed yesterday about monetary motivation. He doubted the benefits of paying children to get good grades or read more, which is akin to putting a price on curiosity, inspiration and education.

However, one member of the audience claimed that it works in Singapore. It reports that “one father pays his three-year-old and 18-month-old to read storybooks – and that it can be argued that a good salary and job are the “payment” for working hard in the school system.”

This was the good Professor’s rejoinder – not in a form of an answer – but one that opens up the horizon for more critical reflection: “Prof Sandel then brought up an American experiment where schoolchildren were paid $2 for each book they read. This had the pupils picking up more books, but also choosing shorter ones to read. This could indicate the failure of the experimental aim, which was to develop a love for reading. I question whether all values can be translated without loss into a single uniform value of money.”

I guess there are many reasons for success. The worse ones are those that sacrifice long term growth for short term gains (or those that miss the forest for the trees).

And…

3) Jerry Yang urges his listeners to be curious. “Don’t ever lose your enthusiasm and sense of wonder. Never stop learning.” This is a good lesson in life. We will do well to germinate it in our heart when adversity (self-doubts and discouragement) comes a knocking.

I guess what makes “non-market values” priceless is that it is not subject to the overriding economic principle of scarcity. You can’t put a price on mother’s love, her faith and trust in you, or a persevering spirit, or the compelling desire to learn from one’s mistakes and failure and to move forward in life. They simply exist in abundance (when tapped upon) and to put a price tag on them would just screw up the entire supply and demand system of pricing.

And what makes them truly beyond money (or pricing) is that these values account for the most enduring impact of one’s success in life. Nothing ever last if it is motivated by what is external to us like money, fame and power. It is that which is within us, the intangibles, the unseen faith and hope, and the unwavering, unconditional love, that makes the greatest difference in our life. Cheerz.

Thursday, 30 July 2015

Born Survivor


(Reader's discretion advised).
During my time in UK, three names inspired me deeply, Priska, Rachel and Anka. They were young women in their twenties who survived the Nazi death machine called Auschwitz. But that's not all. They were also pregnant when they were interned into the death camp (in mid-1944) and delivered their babies in the most inconceivable of places in April 1945. Their stories just had to be told and it was deftly narrated in the book "Born Survivor" by author Wendy Holden.
I was in London when I bought the book and I read it from cover to cover. When I finished the book, my first thought was that life's indeed a journey and for some people, the journey is to hell and back.
In Auschwitz, the three young pregnant women were completely dehumanized in assembly-line fashion. First they were stripped to their bare flesh for disinfection. Enduring the nudity in front of complete strangers, the women were made to shorn off all body hair. Most cried in disbelief as their beautiful locks and luxuriant curls came off. The locks and curls were used by the guards to make clothes, netting and watertight padding for the German war machines.
Next came the humiliating orifices checks. They were led into a small room and each were subjected to finger examination. The Jews hid everything from the guards for fear of losing them. They arranged with their dentists to hide diamonds in their teeth and even inserted jewels into their vaginas. But the checks were so demeaning that nothing was kept from sight. Everything was unraveled.
After that, the naked women had to cover themselves from the mismatched heap of clothes and shoes cast to one side. It was in fact a matter of life and death which clothes the prisoners were given because it would be theirs for the duration of their imprisonment (or enslavement). If the clothes were insufficient to cover their body or the shoes were too worn out, then the biting cold and killer wind would conspire to hasten their death.
For the three pregnant women, the greatest fear was the growing life in their womb. They knew they had to keep it from the guards. No death camp would tolerate another Jewish baby born into the world when their gas and incinerating chambers were already stretched to breaking point trying to exterminate them. The inspection of the women was carried out by the extremely cruel Dr Josef Mengele. He did the inspection with a cavalier squeeze of their breasts for secreted milk. That was one foolproof way of testing for pregnancy.
If any of them were found pregnant, the guards would conduct forced abortions. These abortions were carried out in the most ill equipped and unhygienic environment and the mothers and fetuses would often perish together. Those who dared to conceal their birth and were subsequently found out would be forced to hand over their babies to Mengele to be experimented on. Delivered to a special block called "The Zoo", Mengele would conduct unspeakable operation on twins, babies, dwarves and adults, most times without anesthetic.
Here is an account in the book of how a woman was treated when Mengele discovered her pregnancy. He said to her, "First you will deliver your baby, and then we'll see." After the baby was born, the "Angel of Death" sadistically told her that "he wanted to see how long a baby could survive without food." Mengele then ordered that "the mother's breast be tightly bandaged to stop her feeding her child. For eight days, feverish and with breasts swollen with milk, she and her baby lay helplessly together as Mengele visited daily. Only when the little girl was half-dead did her mother inject her with morphine given to her by a prisoner-doctor. Her child's death saved her life and she was sent to the other labor camp, eventually to survive."
Then came hunger and thirst. Thirst was the no. 1 killer. Even if they could beat dehydration, the women prisoners were perpetually hungry. There was hardly anything to eat in the camp. Not even a blade of grass. Many starved to death. At best, they lived on liquids that looked like "dishwater" made "from marsh water and burned wheat", which the Germans called coffee. There was also soup made from rotten vegetables and a "small square of black sawdust bread."
The condition of their barracks was dreadfully uninhabitable. Due to starvation, they often suffered from stomach spasms and diarrhea. Dysentery was widespread with inflammation of the intestines, abdominal pain and bleeding. However, they were not allowed to relieve themselves as and when they wanted to. So, most of them had to do it in one discreet corner. You can imagine the awful stench coming from the barracks.
Even when the prisoners were allowed to visit the toilet, not everyone had access to the limited "communal concrete holes". Those who could not wait would have to relieve themselves in public. This was where the Nazi guards often played a humiliating sport on them by "poking women in the backside as they defecated." One of the pregnant mothers complained, "Just for fun, not even letting you do your business in peace...a group of them said we will make fun of the Jews when they do whatever they do...it was so degrading." The women prisoners were treated like "circus animals" or pariah dogs, enduring unrelenting inhumane treatments. Forced into a meaningless and unbearable existence, many women either went mad or committed suicide.
Despite this, Priska, Rachel and Anka pressed on for their unborn child. They learned the ropes to survive in Auschwitz by blending in and remaining invisible, compliant and hopeful.
Sometime towards the end of 1944, they were assigned to a munitions factory in Freiberg, a town in Saxony. The train ride took two nights and three days and the only consolation as compared to Auschwitz was that they were made to work 14-hour shift instead of waiting to die.
The food was still unspeakable and the condition deplorable. They were given "bitter black water in the morning with a piece of bread, then some suspicious smelling soup made of beets, root vegetables or pumpkin." One of the pregnant women found a "moldy cabbage half-buried in wet mud" and she risked her life picking it up to eat. However, the cabbage stank and was so decomposed that it went straight through her fingers.
The work was not only mindless, but the long walk to the factory under the mercilessly cold wind of below zero degrees was especially torturous. One prisoner recounted, "It was a long walk through the town where they kept spitting at us and calling us God knows what. And we had to walk all that without coats...or stocking or something...it was awful."
The irony was that as they walked to the factory, they saw children making snowmen and could smell the aromatic dinner prepared by families. The community was completely oblivious to their hellish plight. One prisoner said, "It broke your heart to see families sitting around happily in the warmth of their homes, eating and laughing and leading normal lives...no one showed us any kindness. Not a soul. We were just ghosts."
However, the women kept the spirit up by inventing "imaginary feasts" and reciting new recipes amongst themselves. Each took turns to invite the rest to an elaborate meal and talked through the preparation of it. Another distraction was to share with each other what they would like to eat when the war ends. However, it was a "self-defeating torture" when the nostalgia only deepens the agony for the longing for their loved ones and their comfortable lives before the war. One prisoner said, "All of a sudden, we'd say, "Stop! We won't speak about it. Then half an hour later, we'd start again."
Priska gave birth in Freiberg. Her baby was born on 12 April 1945. She was laid on a wooden plank in the factory floor and she delivered her baby "without drugs or any remotely sterile equipment." In her agony, some of the spectators placed bets on the sex of the baby. If it was a girl, the war would be over and a boy meant that it would go on even longer. As the baby emerged, one of the guards cried out, "It's a devil!" Priska gave birth to a baby girl and she named her Hana. She was the most beautiful face Priska had set her eyes on.
As the Allied forces advanced into Germany, the factory in Freiberg was abandoned and all prisoners were quickly transported into the heart of Germany. Priska, with her newborn, Rachel and Anka were put on a train to Mauthausen. It was on the train ride that Rachel gave birth on 20 April 1945 (Hitler's birthday). Amidst the air raids and bombing, Rachel's water broke and she went into labor. She recalled, "Can you imagine lying in an open coal train giving birth with women all around?" Baby Mark weighed less than three pounds when he was born and one of the guards shouted, "Another Jew for the Fuhrer!"
Of all the births, Anka's was to be the most depressing - as if a comparison was ever a comfort. She went into labor when the train arrived at Mauthausen. A ghost of a figure, Anka endured the physical torment when she and others who survived were throw onto an open cart used to transport coals. It was beyond filthy. As she was carted off, she had to control her scream so as not to attract attention. In complete apathy, one guard pulling the cart said to her, "You can keep screaming". Anka never knew whether he was being compassionate or sarcastic. Eva was born on 29 April 1945 and Anka exclaimed, "I was the happiest person in the world."
About one week later on 7 May 1945, Germany under Hitler unconditionally surrendered. Before that, the Fuhrer cowardly took his own life by biting down a vial of cyanide and shooting himself in the right temple. Heinrich Himmler - the architect of the Final Solution and the gas chamber - was arrested but he went the way of his master by biting on a cyanide pill. And the evil Dr Mengele was arrested, mistakenly released, changed his name and remained on the run for all his life. His wife divorced him and his children denounced him. He died unrepentant by drowning in Brazil in 1979.
All mothers and their child survived the brutality. They lived to a ripe old age. Priska died peacefully in her sleep on 12 October 2006 in her eighties. Rachel died on 19 February 2003 also in her eighties. And Anka died at 95 on 17 July 2013 with Eva by her side.
After reading the book, and learning about the incredible struggles for their life and the life of their unborn in the worst of circumstances, I thought about my own life and family. I quietly counted my blessing.
But more importantly, I salute the triumph of the human spirit. Indeed, even in a world where evil reigned with impunity, three mothers (and countless others) never gave up. Completely stripped of their humanity and abandoned to die, they fought back and overcame all odds. And "if the human spirit is an open window through which pours the sunlight of enduring resilience and overcoming," then I will always draw my strength and inspiration from the Light that never fails to shine through into the shadows of my own circumstances. Amen.