Walking with you for life.

In collaboration with Centre for Fathering, I’ve crafted this heartfelt note below to my daughter, and to share with everyone my experiences and feelings as I watch her grow up with every step we take together.

Hopefully, this will inspire and encourage all you fathers reading this to find your own special ways to bond with your child in the coming new year.


"My dear, you hold a special place in my heart. It is a place reserved just for you, and Daddy will protect it with his life for the rest of his life.

Daddy also wants you to know that it is not going to be a neat place because his heart is fragile at times. It has cracks from the mistakes he had collected over the years before you came into his life.

But since you came, you changed all that.

You see, every step Daddy takes with you in every journey of life, from your first step to your uncharted runs, from your first day in school to the year's end, and from your first tear to the drying of your last, Daddy's heart grows with yours from strength to strength.

Now, as the new year unfolds, Daddy wants to start every day right with you. He wants to walk with you to school. He wants to know you more. He wants to go the distance, feel assured in the silence, and learn with you along the way.

My girl, this will be more than just a father-daughter time we share. It will be a defining bond built over the years. And this bond will endure beyond your school and graduation.

In fact, it will be a walk for life, a journey with your heart in mine. And one day, this walk will lead to Daddy walking with you down the aisle before he gives you away.

But Daddy knows that it will not be the end of our journey. It will just be the beginning of another. By then, you will have your own family, and you will walk your own children to school.

And when you do, you will remember our walk together. You will remember our special bond as you build yours with your children. And this bond will always have a special place in Daddy's heart as your children will have in yours.

Love always,

Daddy."

Walking my girl to school, walking with her for life

Every morning, I will bring my daughter to school. It is just before sunrise. She is in primary three. It is about a 15-minute walk. She is actually quite talkative. She will talk to me about her friends, teachers and homework. Now this is the part that is relevant. I will walk her to the side-gate leading to her school and say my goodbye. The next time I see her again will be when I return from work in the evening.

My point is that I will wait by the side-gate to watch 
her as she disappears into the corner, behind the adjoining wall. That short span of time before I see her no more is about 12 seconds. During this brief moment, I will lookout for her with her back facing me. While I stood still, she will be walking away from me. But I am still present, within reach, nearby. And my gut-feel tells me that she knows that.

My goodbye is therefore just dispensing with formalities. It is not really goodbye in that sense. It is actually telling her that I will be
watching her from where I am standing. And here is the emotional sweetener for me. My deliberate wait is purposive. It is in fact a sublime form of father-and-daughter's connection.

Eagerly, I will be waiting for that endearing response from her. Somehow, my hunch tells me not to blink. My paternal instinct whispers to me that it is coming. And right on the tugging of the heartstring, it comes on cue. She turns back to look for me, trying to sort me out from the crowd of parents seeing off their kids by 
the side-gate. Without fail, she will find me. It is like we never parted. Our eyes would meet for a split second or two and the icing on the cake would be her returning smile.

That smile would be visibly strained no doubt - because she is with her classmates - but it is enough for me. Just for that second, just for that smile, I felt my heart skipped a beat. That is my defining moment and it somehow condenses that 15-minute walk and 12-second wait into an inflection point in my life.

Of course, she doesn't always turn back and smile as she walks away. But when she does, I could feel that familiar seismic flutter in my heart, much like the butterfly effect of deep enduring changes. And these are actually building-block moments for our relationship. However routine this father-and-daughter exchange seems to bystanders, to me, it is a metaphor for something rather meaningful. It is teaching me the sacred responsibility of being the gatekeeper in her life. It is telling
 me to be her watchtower. Not in a Big-Brother sort of way but in a quiet, unobtrusive and protective I-will-be-there-for-you kind of emotional anchorage.

She can always count on me to unsparingly give her my time, my support, and my unconditional love. I will always be there to celebrate her little milestones in life. And I will never shirk or cringe or hesitate when the occasion calls for me to be a little haven for her when the storms of life come rushing in. Being imperfect myself, I will 
shield her from the storm and if I can't, we will weather it together. She will therefore not be alone. For this reason, she should never doubt even for a moment that I share her heartbreak and her pain. We are connected the day she was born and this bond endures even after I am gone. 

So, this brings me back to our morning walk and her returning smile. These are the moments that I am always grateful for and will treasure them whenever I myself need a little haven to ride out my own storm.

Alas, the day 
will come when I take her by the hand and walk her down another journey. It will be a traditional walk with ceremonial pomp and fanfare. It will last a little lesser than 15 minutes I estimate. It will be the most heartbreaking walk of my life. And when I let go and give her away, I will be counting down the seconds. Old habits die hard. It may take a little more than 12 seconds. But I will patiently wait. Because I know my hunch well, and I know her even better. And when she turns back to find me, I will be there for
 her. We will then smile at each other and reaffirm our connection. It is a connection that is unbreakable. It is the personal bond between a father and his daughter. It is our bond of love. Cheerz.