Oxley saga (What is love within the family?) Part 3

What is love within the family? 

What makes a mother sacrifice everything for her son? What makes siblings unite together against the corruption of pride, wealth and fame? What holds a family together regardless of the forces threatening to pull them apart?

Today's paper reports a lot of things. Yes, the Lee siblings saga is still very much alive and kicking even after the July 3 parliamentary debates. 

But what arrested my heart this morning is a simple yet elegant life of Mdm Ng Ah Chun, 89, and the love of her life, her special-needs son, Mr Tan. And he is not even her biological son.

Here's her heart-warming story. 

Mdm Ng lived a hardscrabble life doing back-breaking odd labor like washing dishes, cleaning and selling wild flowers as a prayer offerings in order to make ends meet throughout her life. 

From cradle to near grave, she had gotten the short end of the family and socio-economic stick. 

Her father, a well-to-do businessman, rejected her mother, and her and her sister at birth. His reason? 

He said girls are useless as they belonged to their husbands' families once they wed. He didn't want daughter.

Mdm Ng then left home at a young age as she could not stand living with his father and his mistress.

From there, she largely lived a vagabond life, living in the streets, sleeping on a table tennis table in school, looking for scraps in rubbish bins and depending on the kindness of strangers who offered her food and clothes.

Then, an elderly couple took her in at 10 years old and later asked her to marry their grandson, who was a sailor. 

But the marital bliss did not last. Her husband died of a stroke shortly after the wedding ceremony. 

After that, Mdm Ng did sewing and babysitting work to get by, and that was when she met her neighbor's kid, Mr Tan, in 1966. 

She cared for their infant son for a few months when his own parents suddenly left him. Mdm Ng then tried looking for them but they left without an address. 

She said friends asked her to dump the kid with the church since he is "not normal". He was observed to be slow in picking up speech. 

But Mdm Ng lamented, "Why is he like that? But what can I do? He is very obedient, very quiet and very pitiful." 

During that time, kids with intellectual disabilities were seen as shameful, but Mdm Ng decided to care for him and treated him as her own. 

Like Mdm Ng, her son did not received much education. He was dependent on Mdm Ng as she worked as a seamstress to provide for him. 

At one point, Mdm Ng said she had suitors, but she never remarried because she said, "I have a son and that is enough. I'm content."

Both mother and son stayed together regardless of the odds, shame and difficulty, and when Mdm Ng could no longer physically take care of him, Mr Tan was sent to Mindsville, a home run by Minds. 

Mdm Ng suffers from glaucoma and has problems walking due to her age. 

However, despite the physical separation, their bond is unbreakable. 

Mr Tan still visits his mother on weekends, who is now 89. He misses her dearly in Mindsville. He even cries when he has to go back to Mindsville after the visit. 

He said, "I love her very much. I want to go home." 

Lesson? Just one.

At some point in your life, you have to ask yourself as a son, a father, a brother, or a husband, what is the point of all this?

What is the point of working till you are dead tired when you return home? What is the point of pursuing more wealth, fame and influence and return to a home who hardly recognises you? 

What's the point of boasting to the world that you are a leader of impeccable qualities, yet you have to contend or struggle with a broken family at home or a torn-apart relationship with your loved ones? 

You can be the richest man outside but the poorest one inside. You can be known by all except your loved ones. And you can wield immense power and respect from people who know you, but not the people who live with you. 

When Lee Hsien Yang wrote in his most recent Facebook post that "he was not hitting out at the Singapore Government, but his brother, for failing to live up to the high standards of integrity that his father Mr Lee Kuan Yew had set for those in public service," he is forgetting one important thing: neither his father nor his brother is perfect. 

Ironically, he said his father's legacy was more than "bricks and mortar" (or Oxley home?), for he "made sure all government officials acted with justice and integrity. (LKY) accepted nothing less than incorruptibility, especially for the very top. Singaporean can yet live up to his legacy."

Again, LHY is forgetting that ideals are often made in heaven, like the marriage vows, but here on earth, they still have to be thrashed out and sorted out, and that's where things get much more complicated. 

As such, I am sure not going to whitewash history and say without a doubt that LKY himself has met each and every single standard or ideal he had set for his leadership and his government. 

But that is exactly what makes for a leader or hero in the eyes of the people. They are not voting in a perfect man (or woman). They are voting in someone who ultimately overcomes his flaws to the best of his ability within the unique circumstances he faces. 

If it is perfection that the people are looking for, it would not be called democracy right? Instead, it would be called "theocracy", and we all know how that would end. 

Sadly, LHY has proven ESM Goh right when the latter said that the siblings were not "whistle-blowing in a noble effort to save Singapore, rather they were waging a personal vendetta against their brother". 

Let's face it, his brother is not his father. Some may say "thank God". Others, the majority I believe, would say good for him. 

PM Lee may be born of his father's seed, but he is his own gardener. He plants his own seeds on the plot his father has prepared for him. But that's as far as it goes.

He does his own gardening, watering, tending, caring and nurturing. He meets the seasonal winds head on as they come. He has his bountiful harvests at times and his less-than-expected crop yields at other times. He is not doing this alone. He is supported by other trusted farmers and friends. 

Sure, he is going to miss some section/strips of the harvest field, slip a little along the way, and fall occasionally, but that's not the point. That is never the point in the history of our own human struggles. 

It is always how you pick yourself up, continue the good path, and end well that eventually counts. 

Mind you, LHL was voted in not because he is perfect. He is voted in because he can be trusted to work within his means, try his best, and most of all, lead the country as humanly possible as he can. 

Ironically I agree with LHY that the dispute between them ought to go beyond "bricks and mortar" because that's the legacy of the founding fathers. 

But more than that, it ought to go beyond Oxley, beyond what is naively interpreted as "incorruptibility", and beyond an easily professed ideal or two. 

Alas, the dispute should go beyond personal vendetta or wounded pride and ego. And if the dispute ever finds rest in a place of settlement, let it be in a place of understanding and forgiveness. 

There is therefore no need for LHY and his family to uproot and leave the country. But the greater and more urgent need is for him, his sister and his brother to return home and sit by the table they once shared as a family with the laughter and joy, and start the slow but steadfast process of healing and recovery with one another. 

If I have learnt anything from Mdm Ng and her son, who lived a simple life together, but love so deeply even till the end, I would dare say that nothing replaces family. Not money, not power, not fame, and surely not individual pride or jealousy. Those things are holes that cannot be filled because it has no bottom. 

But family can. It's like a plot of fertile land, and whatever good you plant in it, grows. Love grows in family. Understanding blossoms too. Forgiveness is easy when love and understanding take the lead. And joy is the harvest that awaits the family united as one. 

I therefore pray that as fallible as we are, whether as a leader, sibling, father or son, our eyes will always be on what is enduring, timeless and redeeming. 

Let's not mistake the frame for the whole picture, a pixel for the whole image, a molehill to be the mountain, the form for the substance, incorruptibility for humanity, and most relevantly, a house for a home. 

And if home is where the heart is, then, let's keep it that way and do all we can to leave the feud at the door and together mend the hearts over a warm meal in the living room. Cheerz.

Oxley Saga (July 3 Parliamentary debates) Part 2.

I am glad that the Oxley Parliamentary Debate is over. The conclusion is that there is no abuse or misuse of power. All MPs endorse their PM wholeheartedly.

Even the WP is prepared to give PM the benefit of a doubt, although they are more reserved about it considering that parliamentary debates are not as scrutinising as the court of law or a COI. 

ESM Goh believed that the feud goes back way longer even before this Oxley house demolition thing. 

He questioned the younger siblings' motive and put the blame on them for trying all ways and means to destroy their brother's unassailable integrity. He said the Oxley house issue is a ruse to bring PM Lee down.

And although PM Lee knows that this saga will not end after the 2-day parliamentary session, he and his government has arrived at a conclusion that they have started with, that is, there has never been (or will ever be) any abuse or misuse of power. 

Since PM Lee's side of the story has been stripped down and spread out for all to see, the matter is, in the government's mind, deemed resolved, final and concluded. That's not just parliamentary privilege, but governmental one too. 

And at this moment, due to the woefully lack of evidence of any abuse to start with, PM Lee is of the view that there is no basis to convene a select committee. But he is nevertheless prepared for one if the evidence adds up in the future. 

The whip is therefore safely put back in its happy place. 

Lesson? ...

Well, say what you want to say, but I can't say that I've learnt nothing from this parliamentary debate. It has really been an eye-opener for me as a citizen, father and a worker in this vast local economy. 

Here are some things I have learnt along the way. 

It is undeniable that PM Lee is conflicted. He is conflicted between country and family. He wears two hats and they are both weighing on his head and shoulders. 

He wanted to do what is best for the country while containing the family feud. He is therefore torn between his public duties and his private responsibilities. 

Personally, although the MPs are 100% rallying and standing behind him, I have to be honest and say that this whole embarrassing saga has revealed three lessons about his leadership and the family feud. 

First, as a leader, he has shown that he cannot bring himself to sue his own siblings. This is understandable because blood is always thicker than water. 

This is also revealing because if you were unfortunate enough to be any person other than his siblings or family members, he would have gone to the full extent of the law to bring you to justice with such grave and baseless accusations. You belong to the basket of "normal circumstances" category. 

And it is within his rights to do so in order to protect and preserve his unblemished record and impeccable reputation. 

However, his unenviable dilemma as a leader here is that by letting this go based on family ties, and knowing it will not go away so easily, he has left the job or the "burden" of (informal) adjudication to a jury of 5.1 million (FT included) as the social media war will persist with no end in the near future. 

As such, instead of placing it before a court judge or a panel of impartial arbiters (in a COI) the serious issues at hand, he is allowing the matter to drift in cyberspace in careless abandonment with impunity for any tom, dick and harry to piece them together in whatever slipshod and slapdash fashion they fancy to make up a self-serving narrative of even more incredulous proportions. 

(Alas, if his main concern is that he doesn't want to air even more dirty linens in court or in the COI, well, with such perceived-to-be self-arrived conclusion endorsed by his own perceived-to-be hand-picked subordinates, the dirty linens will not stop swaying in public with its fumes lingering for some time to come).

Now, I reiterate that I can understand fully why he cannot bring himself to take legal redress against his loved ones, but he cannot have his cake and eat it. 

Like what ESM Goh said, "if reason fails, I appeal to the emotions and sensibility of the Lees to stop trying to drag each other down and move on." 

Implied in that statement is that PM Lee also has an important part to play to "stop trying to drag each other down." 

So, he can't have his cake (declaring to Parliament as his own arbiter of facts that he is whiter than white) and then eat it (leave the matter as it is as if business is as usual without making the sincerest effort to make amends and reconciliation with his siblings). 

I am not so much calling for an independent inquiry as I am imploring for a reconciliation between the siblings as this is exactly what many in Parliament (and the nation) have always wanted. 

Second, as a brother, he has done things that are less than desirable. The most obvious one is to allow this matter to be blown out of hand, out of control and out of proportion. 

He is no doubt only human and his act of donating his whole share of the sale proceeds is deeply encouraging and admirable. 

But what he ought to have done is to respect more the roles/responsibilities/title that his father has entrusted to his younger siblings, that is, as joint executors of the estate. 

You see, the memorial things his wife took without going through proper channel, the SD's accusations (without recourse to court but has only prejudiced the mind of the ministerial committee) that has obviously driven a deep wedge between his brother (his wife) and him, the securing of the Deed of Gift (in his official capacity) without regards to the admitted fact that it is nevertheless still a legally binding private agreement despite its onerous terms, and the setting up of the ministerial committee without proper deference to the joint executors' authority and duties have all left much to be desired as a leader/brother of the nation. 

Now, it may not be an issue of misuse of power, but it is definitely an issue of keeping a level head, a compassionate heart and a humble stand when dealing with such seething sibling rivalry that ESM Goh had already said goes way back. 

Given a second chance, I am sure PM Lee would have wanted to do things differently in order to keep the peace, save the embarrassment and heal the wounds. 

And finally....

Third, as a son, I can't say his tears in Parliament has not moved me to some extent. 

PM Lee fought back his tears when he recounted that when he was 13, his father reminded him to take care of his mother, and younger sister and brother. 

At that time, his father's life was in danger due to a fierce fight between the central government and the communalists. 

He went further to lament that "little did I expect that after my parents died, these tensions would erupt with such grievous consequences and, after so many years, I would be unable to fulfil the role which my father had hoped I would." 

Well, it is never too late to stop the bleeding, and his hope that "one day, these passions will subside and we can begin to reconcile" is not beyond reach or beyond his ability (or capacity). 

I always believe that you can't control other people's choices, but you can always control yours. I also always believe that the first step forward to healing and reconciliation is your very own step. 

You can choose to close the gap, and be the first one to do so as the son your father has entrusted to be a bridge for both nation and family. 

Impropriety and integrity aside, the larger issue or picture here is to do the right thing and make both his father (and mother) and Singaporeans proud by being the first to extend a hand of hope, the soul of humility and the heart of love. 

Because when all is said and all is done, his father would have wanted it no other way than to see a nation heals through the healing of his own family. Cheerz.

Oxley Saga (Let dead dogs lie) Part 1.

If small states should act like small states, so say Kishore, then after reading the papers today about the parliamentary debate, I think a similar posture for us would be this, Singaporeans should just act like Singaporeans, that is, let dead dogs lie. Here is why.

PM Lee and DPM Teo have spoken and that should be the end of it. It's Parliament and the voices that care have been given a proper ventilation (which continues today). So, let dead dogs lie. 

PM Lee said that the real abuse of power would be to knock the house down without going through due process "just because it was what my father wanted." So, let dead dogs lie.

DPM Teo has denied that the ministerial committee had abused its power. He said PM Lee had recused himself and he alone chaired the committee. Notwithstanding that there is the SD issue on the validity of the will and the alleged stonewalling of the committee when LHY and LWL made inquiries of its composition, DPM Teo insisted that there is no secret to the committee as it was set up to be above board. So, let dead dogs lie.

Then, there is the Deed of Gift, which is strange to be called that since it seems more like a conditional gift with its onerous conditions. Yet, it was signed and Lawrence Wong admitted that it was legally binding. It was signed between the executors and the NHB. But as PM Lee was one of the beneficiaries of the will (private capacity), and considering its onerous conditions that denies Singaporeans what is fair (public consideration), he somehow managed to secure the legally-binding Deed in his official public capacity. If it was anyone else, in matters concerning a will dispute, they would have to bring the issue to court. But since the state's interest is concerned here, the government has to act over private citizen's rights. So, let dead dogs lie. 

Throw in the conflicts of interest point raised, and comes in SMS Indranee Rajah who insists that there is no basis for concern. She said all lawyers knows to recuse themselves when there is a conflict, "there is no basis for any concerns that A-G has not acted in a manner that is entirely proper." Well, there is the issue of the law minister's role in the committee and his role as an adviser to the late LKY's Will and siblings, and it's what bothered the younger siblings. I guess their allegation is ridiculous? So, let dead dogs lie. 

How about setting up a select parliamentary committee, an independent inquiry or the court of law as a further and proper forum to deal with the matter since it is of such urgency and priority that PM Lee was prepared to wrestle the issues in public, before all publicly elected officials, and even lifting the whip for such an occasion. And more importantly, in such other forums (courts or public inquiry), his accusers would at least be cross-examined to test the veracity of their allegations. However, that would be time consuming, draggy and extremely distracting - so says one MP. What's more "there is no specifics, there is no evidence, there is no substance to the allegation," so yes, let dead dogs lie. 

Here's another doggy issue. PM Lee could have considered taking his siblings to court for defamation? However, he admitted, "in normal circumstances, in fact, in any other imaginable circumstances, than this, I would surely sue (as the allegations are a "very grave attack")." He strongly believes he has a strong case. "But suing my own Brother and sister in court would further besmirch our parents' names...at the end of the day, we are brothers and sister, and we are all our parents' children." So, let dead dogs lie. 

(Pardon me, I can't help but feel that all the other defendants - mostly citizens - in the past defamation suits taken out by local politicians unfortunately fall either under "normal circumstances" or in the other imaginable circumstances).

And I will be leaving Ho Ching out of this when she took the things belonging to and under the purview of the joint executors without officially seeking approval from them as another dead dog that had already been put to deep sleep.

Lastly, PM Lee also reminded us that "when the dust has settled on this unhappy episode, people must know that the Government (under his leadership) operates transparently, impartially, and properly. That in Singapore, even Mr Lee's house and Mr Lee's wishes are subject to the rule of law." 

So, together now, LET DEAD DOGS LIE!

Lesson? Three.

Some may say that the Parliament session is a media circus. Some may say it is a place of ventilation. Others may say it is a whitewashing session. Still others may say it is where genuine debates get aired, examined and settled, and all parties go home with a clear conscience. 

The only issue here is that the dock is empty. His accusers, his brother and sister, were not invited or subpoenaed to defend themselves or be unravelled by fair scrutiny. 

But then, they are not elected officials. They represented no constituency, and therefore are not qualified. 

Alas, one way or another, yesterday's parliamentary session has admittedly gone some ways to clear the air. But in my view, it is that salted, heavy and humid air that we Singaporeans are all too familiar with since the airing started three weeks ago. Only the cloth pegs and lines have changed. The linens are still largely the same. 

Sadly, the speeches, arguments and fielded questions and answers all appeared "recycled" to me. 

And if there's one concern I have about such formal, media-frenzy parliamentary hearing, it is that it reminds me of three household machinery (as metaphors), and they will form my three lessons here. 

1) Washing machine. You can't deny that PM Lee has taken his family's dirty linens over to Parliament to wash and air them there. And the persil-white detergent are the touch-and-go questions and answers presented in pre-canned fashion in Parliament within a structured and stipulated time frame. 

One journalist said that sunlight is the best disinfectant and "the best antidote to the odour of suspicion is to open the windows wide and let the fresh air of facts in." 

Well, how I wish it is that simple. I have a feeling that the odour of suspicion is going to linger just a bit longer than one would have hoped.

2) Treadmill machine. This is the feeling you get when you walk for hours thinking you have made some good progress only to find out that you are back to where you first started. 

Personally, I fear that the Parliamentary debates have only deepened people's suspicion and prejudices. The divide between the siblings, the nation and international opinion is still there - gaping, wide and deep. 

Nothing short of an honest, direct and close-door mediation session would do to make some meaningful progress in the matter. If apology is required, so be it. 

The true Parliament in my book is not one amongst men and titles. It is amongst men who confront their own hearts. For you can't shake another person's hand in isolation or what's the use of saying sorry to a mirror.

And...

3) Refrigeration machine. If it ends here, after one or two parliamentary washing and airing, with lots of walking around in circles, I am concerned that the matter would be warehoused in cold storage. 

The younger siblings will still air theirs in social media and PM Lee will do so in other media platforms. After a while, the public gets tired, bored and annoyed, and they mentally and emotionally switch off. 

The polarisation will no doubt continue, but the interest of the majority - who have better things to do - would naturally wane. 

Thereafter, it becomes another cold case to be stored away. PM Lee and his cabinet would continue with business as usual as he leaves barking dogs alone. 

This will be a sorry state of affair as there would not be any resolution, closure or finality to the issue. It would be swept under the rug and buried to be forgotten. In the end, none would be the wiser.

That's my three lessons and here's my conclusion.

I think PM Lee should have the last say here as I end. I can't deny that he gave a good speech yesterday and it is reported in the papers today. 

The best part of it is not so much about parliament as the right forum, that we are all equal before the law, that he will serve the country with all his heart, that the government is still trustworthy and reliable, or that we are governed by the rule of law. All that is debatable to some extent. 

The best part of the speech is about family. He said, "When Mr Lee was asked what were the most important things to him in life, he said "my family and my country." 

PM Lee went further to say: "It pains me that this episode has put both under a cloud, and done damage to Singapore." 

And with that, this is to me the most hopeful and inspiring part of the speech:- 

"I hope one day I will be able to resolve the unhappiness within the family." 

This reminded me of Matthew 5:24 when Jesus said, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar (or Parliament) and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar (or Parliament). First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." 

That to me is the most sensible, wise and proper thing to do as the oldest brother, the beloved son, and the respected leader of a developed nation. Cheerz.