Ash Dykes - Crossing the Yangtze River.

We all have our journey. The toughest one is no doubt life, where we take centrestage, where we are judged by our performance. 

In Life section of ST, adventurer Ash Dykes, 29, shares his journey of trekking the entire length of China’s Yangtze River. It is has been made into a two-part documentary that airs tonight at 9 pm on National Geographic.

This journey is daunting. It took Ash 353 days to complete a distance of 6,437km last year. It was a Guinness World Record feat no less. 

Ash said: “The river cuts through immense diversity - it would take me through 11 provinces, show me both the wild and urban sides of China, and lots of traditions, cultures, dialects, wildlife and weather systems along the way.”

Ash shared that it took him and his team two years to plan the route. The logistics was equally daunting, and the intense preparation was essential due to the political sensitivity. 

He said: “The source of the Yangtze is close to Tibet and you need special permits that are difficult even for locals to get.”

“Then one has to contend with landslides, bears, wolves and the altitude, which is about the same height as Mount Everest base camp, so just over 5,400m.”

He added: “In winter, it can drop to minus 40 deg C and you get blizzards. And it’s just so wild.”

Ash said that what he had learned is perseverance. And it was perseverance in the smallest task, even the most mundance ones. And this is how he broke them down. 

“On day one, when I had so many struggles even getting there and I still had 352 days left, it was important not to look at the end goal and let that overwhelm me, but to focus on breaking it down into lots of little sections to make it more achievable and make sure I’m managing my expectations.”

That is the avalanche of a life plunging all at once on us - turning a daunting moment into a lifetime’s burden. 

I recall a friend who once told me that when you climb a mountain, there is no point looking either up or down. When there is still a long way to go, and when you have come so far up, he said just focus on every grip you have on the rocks. 

Look for the crevices for support. Focus on how to scale each small step that takes you forward. It is the daily task that adds up. They are the anonymous (seemingly inconsequential) steps that bring you up to the summit.

I also recall a saying that God is gracious with us by creating time. One that is spread out over a lifetime. Each second carries a moment and no more. And each minute carries sixty of those moments. 

Our life is thus not designed to pack every pain, sorrow, shock or trial into one moment and turn that moment into a boulder we carry for a major part of our journey. When we make that happen, that moment becomes unforgettable, and it also becomes overwhelming. 

Soon, it also becomes a dead weight, which sinks us deep like an anchor that drowns our resolve to move forward, and to savour what the other moments in life have in store for us. 

And soon, it also becomes a point of reference, an emotional benchmark, where we see all things through it; thereby turning even hope into a dreaded dead end. 

They say you take the color of your surrounding, and becomes the hue of the choice you make. That applies to a weighted moment too, where we compact it with the shock of a trauma or trial at that moment it happened. We too become that moment as it defines our present and discolourises our future. 

Alas, one defining moment, especially the bad, and it controls all other moments in our life and make them either invisible or truly inconsequential. 

So, I return to Ash, the adventurer, who practically took one step at a time to surmount the challenges he had to confront. His was the Yangtze River, the journey of great endurance and perseverance. 

Ours may be an event that happened to us in the past or a sorrow that has stopped us in our track or trek. Such moment of pain or fear is never meant or designed to stop time. For in time, God has given us a lifetime to spread the event however daunting (or crushing) it may be. 

Let the burden be shared (or spread) as we take each step affirming our healing and towards restoring our faith and hope in this journey that is given unto us for a season. That is, a season meant for overcoming, and a season meant for rejoicing as we finally reach the summit to savour the empowering view, including the view of what we had once overcome below, that is, those moments that once threatened to halt our journey, but we moved forward nevertheless, one moment at a time. 

Indeed, at that vantage point, those moments become exceedingly small and truly inconsequential in the larger scheme of life itself.

 

Two worlds, but worlds apart - Kelvin, Debbie and Sulli.

Two worlds, but worlds apart. 

Recent suicide of K-pop star, Sulli, tells of a toxic world where there is “never-ending competition and comparison among fans and groups” and that means “idols live with negativity and intense pressure every day.” 

Jan Lee reports that “everything in K-pop is a competition. YouTube views, award show wins, music show wins, Instagram followers, Twitter topics, unofficial polls on which idol has the most beautiful eyes - K-pop fans can and will vie over everything, in part because of how crowded the industry has become.”

Basically, as a K-pop star or idol, you sign your life away, or at least, your youth away, and you live life on others’ terms. 

But, here is another world. It’s much quieter world. No noise. No competition. No comparison. 

And, instead of projecting on social media the most beautiful eyes, or striving to be the fairest of them all, this other world is about seeing the most beautiful side of nature, and of human friendship and communities. 

This world is what the young couple Kelvin Cai and Debbie Lim, both 34, are embarking on.

Zaihan Mohamed Yusof reports that “for the next four to six years, they will be seeing the world while riding Honda motorcycles across six continents over a distance of between 120,000 km and 180,000 km.”

Kelvin and Debbie, both tutors, will be renting out their sparsely renovated four-room HDB flat in Boon Lay for a life of unpredictable adventure. 

Married in 2013, in a simple wedding ceremony at the Singapore Flyer, the couple hope to spend less than US$100 each day by cooking their own meals. 

They said, “if not for this trip, we won’t be learning how to cook.”

Lesson? I have three actually, and it’s from their candid sharing that I pluck these lessons out.

First, Kelvin said that “some friends say we will be missing out on our careers, but it is precisely the worry of “missing out” that we’re going on this great adventure.” 

Being tutors, they noticed that “some of their students’ parents seem to have a lot of money but have no time.”

“We feel it’s important to live life to the fullest. Plan enough for retirement needs but don’t get so lost in the pursuit of money.”

Let me clarify that I contrast these two worlds not because I strongly recommend one over the other - yet, I admit the urge is irresistible. 

Although one is glamorous and enriching materially, the cost is high. Sadly, that which doesn’t kill you in such a toxic world can mentally or emotionally change you for a long time to come. 

But the world that Kelvin and Debbie are going for is not a life for everyone either. Not all can pack up and go off just like that. We can go for a quick getaway, or a long holiday, but to leave for years on a motorbike is not everyone’s cup of tea. 

The point of the contrast is to bring out the balance we have to find in our own life. It is often futile to pursue happiness when we don’t even know what makes us happy, or what value those things that we pursue will bring to our life. Self introspection has to come first before achieving personal fulfilment and contentment. 

For this season, Kelvin and Debbie have found theirs in their station of life. We have to find ours in our own season. My takeaway in both worlds is that we must live our life on our own terms. 

Yes, we have obligations to fulfill and roles to play as a worker, parent or spouse, but ultimately, we have to be able to look at the mirror and tell ourselves this, “you are making progress mike, even if they are micro-stumbling steps, to becoming the best that you can be.”

Second, Kelvin and Debbie said that they “hope to meet kind souls on their travels who are able to share with them riding routes or even somewhere to stay.” 

Kelvin said, “We want to use this trip to inspire other Singaporeans and overseas Facebook followers, and tell them that people are inherently kind and compassionate.” 

To be honest, compare to a world where there are endless competition and comparison, their world would definitely be kinder and more compassionate. It is a world lived to see the beauty of humanity without worrying about how you will be judged, how you measure up, and how you can win even more followers and adulation. It is an endless competition remember?

One is a world of insecurity where today’s novelty is tomorrow’s monotony. But the other is a world of discovery where you feel no shame embracing and accepting yourself for who you are without constantly needing to reinvent yourself to be who others expect or want you to be. 

So, wherever we are, it is still about living a life on our own terms, that is, in a way that our conscience is always clear, our self-worth is always anchored, and our soul is always contented. 

And, 

Thirdly, Yusof posed this question to Kelvin and Debbie, “What if something unexpected happens to (you guys) while on the road?”

Debbie said that they will savour their adventure “one moment at a time.” 

“The plan itself is not important because we would have to react to whatever happens to us on our journey.”

This is true. For can anyone ever plan for everything? 

Plans are like maps, like signposts. They only point you in one direction at a time in general. But living one moment at a time is where plans become planning or living it out, even when unplanned things happen. And they often do. 

If we take life as an adventure, if we are determine to savour every moment as they present themselves to us, whether good or bad ones, then what matters most is not when the unexpected or unplanned happens, but how we overcome them together and come out of it even stronger. 

The objective therefore is not about meeting the plan (as planned). But it is about what becomes of us when we take this (most times, unplanned) adventure called life as a couple, and what our loved ones would eventually remember us for at the end of our life journey. And that is what makes a life worth living, and living to the fullest.