When do you judge a life?

When do we judge a man? When he falls? When he succeeds? When he lives to a ripe old age? Or when he is dying on his bed? Because if success is not the end and failure is not final, then when should a man’s deeds be tallied, weighed or measured?

Here, I am bursting at the philosophical seams with these questions: What if it takes a lifetime to know yourself? What if it takes a lifetime to acknowledge your flaws? What if that which one calls true change or transformation is something that happens only after what seems like a lifetime of mistakes and regrets?
 


Here's more of the akin reflection: What if one's maturation is pre-maturation and he strives in all sincerity - but in the mistaken belief - that he is fully mature when his actions could have been more enduring and authentic had he experienced the right maturation that generally comes with time and age? Aren't the triumphs of experience (that which is gained only by age) more redeeming than the experience of triumphs (that which is gained at any point in life, mostly early in life)?
 


If "no man ever steps in the same river twice; for it is not the same river, and he is not the same man," can it be plausible that our fate/destiny is never determined by one or two events, celebrated or otherwise, but a lifelong convergence of inconspicuous and no less momentous ones?
 

So, I always wonder how do you judge a life? Where do you even start? How do you even know that it is reliable? Is success really success? Or failure really failure? Or maybe, it is better not to see success as success and failure as failure per se. Maybe, stripped of all the pre-canned labels, every event that happens to us is a test of our response to it. And every response from us brings about its own events and the mutuality of influences goes on and on. And we only get to peek at the report card at the close of our life's journey.

I know the scriptures forewarned us about judging others; especially not when we are no less blameworthy. But maybe what I am trying to say is that we should constantly judge ourselves on the aspect of judging others. Here, a touching quote comes to mind, "We must give a person what we give a painting: the advantage of a good light."
 


Here is another quote in French that deserves a pause for reflection: "Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose". Translation: "People change, but they also stay the same. And the other way round." I guess the verdict is still out there. As uncertain as a life is, so too is its many twists and turns.
 


In any event, the irony of life is too multifaceted for enumeration. For example, many of us are more of an accidental hero than one of exclusive design. Being in the right place at the right time and knowing the right people always make social celebrities out of ordinary folks. Some mistakes are in fact eureka successes! Some screw ups are in fact heads up to later victories. And what about random luck changing one's fortune completely, even from good to bad? How do you even judge all that?

Recently, one 84 year old Florida widow struck gold at the powerball lottery and won $740 million. No plan, no sweat; just like that. She bought the destined winning ticket when a customer gave up the queue for her. Lesson? Don't ever give up your queue for another? This case only goes to show that there is no such thing as random luck by design. And for those lucky enough to strike a generational fortune, wouldn't it be very tempting to retire into the oasis of self-indulgence for the rest of their life?
 


But then, I am not giving excuses for a life of social passivity, self indulgence or indifference. I am just trying to give a life a little more latitude to prove or redeem itself; because given time, many things can pleasantly surprise us.

If you think about it, most of us, at some point in our life, are more a victim of our circumstances than a creator of it, and whether we stay that way depends very much on how we respond to it. So, the rule of thumb here is this: you only tally up the scores when all is said and done. And when all is said and done, you will then know with confidence that a life and its destiny are truly one.
 


So, let me end with what Mark Twain once said: "The two most important days of your life is the day you were born and the day you find out why." The first condition is a given. We can only talk about lives born and lived and not those unborn and missed. It is only the second condition that, for some, has yet to be realized.

But as long as one is still alive and searching, it is never too late to come to full realization - even if it takes a little longer than we would like. Because, if for any reason and any reason at all, it is in this quote: “Desires make slave out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.” (Iman Al Ghazali) And it is this royal patience that is required of us to see another life through to its rightful, fitful and fruitful end. Cheerz.