Can you still aspire to be Miss Universe if you are a child bride?

It has become an advocacy platform. The ladies with looks are parading for a cause. This year's theme is: The Beauty of Empowerment. 

The stage will be clear for all 15 finalists to shine on 31 August at One Farrer Hotel. It's the annual Miss Universe Singapore (MUS) and it's organized by The New Paper and MUS.

Amongst them is a bodybuilder, Miss Tyen Rasif. The 22-year-old said: "It is obvious I don't look like a conventional beauty queen. But I want to use this platform to show that there is beauty in strength and there is beauty in having a fit and strong body."

She added: "Beauty is not just about physical appearance; fitness can also help people to improve their mental well-being."

There you have it, Miss Rasif is an advocate for brawn and beauty and mental well being too.

Next comes Miss Sharin Keong. She is 26, a pre-school teacher. She is an advocate for education. 

This is what she has to say: "Growing up, my parents could speak only Mandarin and that limited the kind of jobs they could do."

She added: "If I go on to win, I would want to fight for education to be made available for anyone regardless of their financial background."

Mm...Minister Ong, seems like you have a worthy partner in education?

Lastly, and this cuts closest to my topic for this post, we have Miss Zahra Khanum, 23. She had travelled from Pakistan to China to work with charity organizations to improve lives. 

She said: "Growing up and being raised single-handedly by my mother, I know first-hand the difficulties that she had to go through. I hope to be an example to others in a similar situation, showing that with hard work, we can overcome any adversity."

Now, here comes the next part of my post. It's a far less optimistic picture of developments in some parts of the world. It's about child bride. And if Miss Universe Singapore is about hope, beauty and brains, then the fate of a child bride is about hopelessness, ugliness and pain. 

It is the ugliness of what we human beings are capable of doing to another human being. What makes it even more repulsive to good sense is that the victim is a child who is looking for nothing more than protection and love. 

This brings me to the title of my post: "Can you still hope to be Miss Universe if you were a child bride?" 

Now, that question appears flawed because if you are a child bride, you are immediately disqualified. You can't participate in MUS by default of your marital status.

But we must not forget that such marriages are never considered valid in the first place. They are in fact deemed null and void in majority of the legal jurisdictions in the world.

And with that sufficiently addressed, we return to the question: Can you still aspire to be Miss Universe if you are a child bride?

Well, maybe this report by Wong Chun Wai in yesterday's papers (Berita Harian Online) may go some length in answering that question. 

Wong reports about a 41-year-old religious teacher from Kelantan who had married an 11-year-old child. He married her in Thailand on June 18.

He even confessed proudly that he would have married her at 7 if he had thought only about his own interest, and insisted that such intention has nothing to do with lust. 

He said: "I knew Ayu since she was little because we were neighbours, and I taught her Al-Quran lessons. It was then I told myself that one day, I would take this girl as my wife, and I did so four years later."

Mind you, when he married the child, he was already married with two wives and children of his own. His children are in fact older than the child bride and they have to call her stepmom. 

So what was his punishment? 

Well, it reports that the hands of the religious authorities were tied and can do little except to impose a fine of $$600 as a "penalty for marrying a minor without prior consent from the court and for engaging in polygamy without permission from his spouse."

In another case, a father in Indonesia even encouraged his daughter to get married at 17. He said: "There's no coercion. It was my child who wanted to get married. Moreover, it is unusual to reject a proposal. It would humiliate the other family and "burn bridges"". 

One villager who supported the marriage said: If there's a 17-year-old girl who has not married, she's an old virgin. The parents feel humiliated if their daughter is labelled old virgin - unwanted. It's a shame."

Alas, I guess that while there is a prevalent rape culture in some parts of the world where rape is perceived as the fault of both the victim and the rapist (as it takes two hands to clap), there is likewise a culture that encourages child bride for the most urgent of reasons, that is, to escape abject poverty, or for the most expedient and convenient of reasons, that is, to honour the family, build bridges and save face.

Now, going back to my question, if one were married at 11 to a man four times her age, and who already have two wives and his own children, it is hard to imagine what kind of life she will have. 

Surely, all hopes of a normal childhood will be dashed - what's more harbouring any hope of participating in a beauty contest. 

Most of these child brides are forced to quit schools, take up added responsibility at home, risk early pregnancy (with all the health complications for both mother and child) and face a prospect that is no different from being a modern day slave.

Another journalist, Abdullah Shibli, from Daily Star, Bangladesh, wrote this:-

"For the average underaged bride, in fact for the vast majority of them, life is anything but as carefree as depicted in romantic stories. Economic hardship or social norms limit their freedom, liberty and education. Conservative societies or families often condemn these young newlyweds, mostly females, to many years of toil, parenthood, and servitude."

Many of them either commit suicide or get beaten to death by their in-laws. For those who survived, it is not much of a life thereafter. The story of Shanta Bai tells of such a tale. 

She was married when she was 5 years old. Her uncle who married her off got Rs. 300 (no more than S$6) for the match. Her husband was 36 years old but he died four years later. Bai was 9 years old then. 

Now, at 85, she is making a living holding a broken begging bowl and confessed daily that she hopes to end her life. 

So, after all said, I admit that the question (in my title) was a non-starter to start with. Some may even say that it is a foolish question. What kind of answer do I expect? 

However, my point in posing the question is to show the ironic juxtaposition between the ladies all spruce up for the coming MUS and the girls in another part of the world all dressed up for their marriages. 

Although both are going for something celebrative or festive, the fate of one is worlds apart from the fate of another. And while the theme for MUS is about the beauty of empowerment, the fate of child bride is about complete helplessness and disempowerment. 

The question posed is no doubt rhetorical to make this point that in a contest of physical beauty in this world, what runs parallel with it is the glaring ugliness within that we cannot hide or escape from. 

There is however no contest here (in the contest of the inhumanity of mankind). It is plain for all to see. 

A man who takes a child as his wife and uses religion to justify it is despicable, even inhumane. A father who offers his underaged daughter in marriage to a much older man because he doesn't want to burn bridges is an egregious act of betrayal. And a culture that perpetuates such a practice and protects the offender makes all who allowed it equally guilty.

Let me end this post about an amazing woman. She was the first follower of one of the largest monotheistic religions in the world. She was in fact its supporter financially, emotionally and spiritually. 

She was inseparable from the man who led this religion to what it is today. Their marriage was strictly monogamous for 25 long years. 

Her husband adored her and she was his trusted adviser, companion and I dare say equal. She financially funded his work because she was at that time a wealthy merchant, inheriting the business from her father. She was also tireless in helping the poor and supporting her community.

When she met her future husband, he was one of her workers and was so poor that he could not even support a wife. When they married, he was only in his twenties, and she was older. 

This amazing woman is Khadījah bint Khuwaylid and her husband is none other than Prophet Muhammad. 

Alas, indeed, behind every successful man is a woman; and in this case, a woman of substance, a woman of power, a woman of character, one of immeasurable worth.

I sincerely believe that if we want to see a truly transformed world of enduring peace and empowerment, forget about improving trade relations, going for denuclearization, fighting against inequality, or building up wealth for the future generation. It is not that they are not important; it is however that they are never so urgent as our fight against misogyny, against the suppression of women, against hidden prejudices and hypocrisy, and against the male ego and superiority. 

There will never be lasting changes in this world if we still treat our daughters and wives and women in general as second class, dispensable, and as secondary or accessory to our insecure and broken self esteem. And there is nothing uglier in this world than to use them as a bargaining chattel for our betterment or a means to satisfy our interest, pride and lust. 

If there are countless of great women in the history of mankind, and Khadījah is a sterling example that comes to mind, then it is time to give them the credit that they deserve, which is long overdue. Cheerz.