I dreamt that I came to visit myself.

I dreamt that I came to visit myself last night. The me that came to visit was much older than the me that is now. 

Honestly, I didn’t think I changed that much but he told me that he is the me twenty years later. He said that he can’t be with me for long. But for the brief moments he had with me, he wanted to share some things he felt I needed to know. 

The first thing he said to me was not to take things too seriously. He said I am given the room to ventilate and even mope about things, but once done leave it behind. 

He reminded me not to carry the pain or bitterness with me. He said that anything that I could not let go becomes a part of me. This part of me seeks to take over me. It seeks to change me for the worse. 

As he went on with this, I detected a hint of desperation in his voice. His tense face betrayed his calmness as he shared. But I realised he was serious about me not taking things too seriously because it dawned on me that whatever happens to me now happens to the me twenty years later. 

He reminded me that too. He said that like a long rod, by lifting one end, I lift the other end too. That is how connected we are, that is, my now and my future. 

He said that it is just a matter of time before he becomes the receiving end of whatever I think, do and even not do, now. He said we are deeply connected by the unbroken passage or affinity of time. 

It is like the universal principle of sowing one end and harvesting it the other end. He said the principle is simple but often forgotten by me, common but made uncommon by my living on autopilot, and as such, I often take things for granted.

It was at this point that he looked at me in the eye and muttered these words: “Mike, trust me, I know what I am talking about. You do not want to live the way you are living now and regret it deeply twenty years later. By then bro, it is too late.”

Then, he calmed down a little and told me about the next thing that was on his mind. He said that he is living my future and the one thing I often pass down to him over time is a heart of discontentment. 

He said that I was not like that in the early years when I graduated, started my career and family, and have children. He said I was happy then, living in a modest house, sharing the bed with my kids and going for walks with my wife. He said the ability to enjoy the simple things in life is the key to living a contented and joyous life. 

At this point, he put his hands firmly on my shoulder and shook me a little as if to tell me to never forget about that. He felt it was important to lay emphasis on the importance of being contented in life. 

But then, as he continued, he said he noticed that I changed almost overnight when I hit my forties. Suddenly, he said that I started to compare with others, with my neighbours, and I became envious, superficial and less authentic. 

He said quite sternly that I became less authentic when I pretended to be someone I am not. He said that from that day onwards, I lived in subtle deception, being ashamed of my past and hiding my present from people who enquired.

He said I was ashamed of my status quo, ashamed of what Iittle I possessed in titles, names and credentials because I can’t stop thinking about what life could have been if I had been different, if I had chosen differently. 

But he said that that is not the problem, that is, the choices I have made to get to where I am - it is however the heart of envy that robbed me of the life I deserved, and inevitably, robbed him of the future he craved after. Recall the lifting of one end of the rod or stick?

He also reminded me firmly that they are choices that resulted in marriage, that is, marrying the first girl I ever kissed who had never despised or regretted that day she walked down the aisle with me, and the family I have, that is, three lovely, healthy kids who have brought me untold joy, comfort and assurances. 

Somehow, at that part of the dream, I experienced REM and it nearly jolted me up from my slumber. But, he said he was not finished. He said he had one more thing to share with me before his time is up and that he has to return back to the future. 

He promised to make this one short. He said that what he was about to say can be captured in a nutshell, and it is this: “Don’t cry over spilled milk”. 

He said this was quite similar to his first point but he added this part in my dream that made a lot of sense to me. 

He said, and he quoted: “If men could regard the events of their own lives with more open minds they would frequently discover that they did not really desire the things they failed to obtain.”

He repeated that quote thrice to me as if to tell me that I should never forget to remind me to remind myself about it. 

And with that, the me who was twenty years older left just as suddenly as he came into my dream.

Well, I can’t say that I am not grateful for his sudden intrusion into my slumber and his planting of a seed of chain-reaction in my heart. 

That morning I promised myself to make the conscious effort to nurture that seed to fruition. And when the time comes, when we meet again, I hope that by that time, he will be proud of me. Cheerz.