Sometimes, you can pack a lifetime of lessons in the overcoming struggles of one young life. Reported by Jolene Ang, the life of national wrestler Danielle Lim, is quite a ride. She is 22, yet she has gone through a lot.
First, it was her abusive father. He “had a fiery temper, inflamed by alcoholism, and was abusive towards his wife and three children.”
Danielle recalled once when she and her brother were squabbling “over some jelly they had dropped on the floor”. Their father flew into a rage and told them to “lick the jelly off the floor, and go downstairs to the basketball court and stand there as punishment, even though it was raining really heavily.”
In 2005, her father left them and her mother, a Filipino, on a long-term social visit pass, was left to be the sole breadwinner. She had to work at Dunkin’ Donuts to support the family.
Second, it’s about her brother. They were close. He is four years older. He had always protected her from their father, shielding her from the beatings. That relationship sadly also soured in 2015, when she had to report him to the police.
“He was constantly stealing from his family members, be it a cellphone, a laptop or even hard-earned savings, and then one day he brought drugs home.” That was the last straw. It took a lot of courage and conviction for Danielle to report him, because he was always her hero.
Third, it was her studies. It is about how she got to where she is today, a national wrestler.
In St. Anthony’s Canossian Secondary School, Danielle was “consistently bottom of her cohort, though she was an active student athlete who represented the school in sports, including track and field and handball.”
Her mother, Ms Claire Berani, 52, however said this about her: “This girl is very independent. When she wants to do something, she doesn’t stop until she gets it done. She always tells me, “Mum, don’t worry, I’ll give you a good life some day.”
Danielle’s life took a good turn at 16. Before that, she admitted that it was all about fun. “I had no aims or goals and I didn’t know what I wanted in life. Breaking the rules made me feel there was something in my life I could have control over.”
After that, she was determined to do well for her N levels. “Everyday, she arrived at school when it opened at 5:30 am and stayed until the gates closed.” Her hard work paid off and she got 18 points for N levels.
Despite being advised to go to ITE, saying it was “more suited” for her, Danielle chose to continue with Sec 5 to do her O levels. “I was stubborn. The more they said I couldn’t take the O levels, the more I wanted to do it. I told myself that if I put my heart and soul into it, I could succeed.”
And again she did it, She scored 12 points and went to Republic Polytechnic “where she studied sports coaching.” It was there that she discovered her passion for wrestling. She won her first medal soon after and went on “to represent Singapore at nine competitions in countries including China and Thailand. She has won six medals.”
Not just that, Danielle also garnered Singapore Olympic Foundation-Peter Lim Scholarship, and a SIT scholarship, amongst other scholarships. She is now studying at SIT, doing her first-year physiotherapy.
Lesson? Let’s face it, Danielle’s story is not our story. Ours is different; facing circumstances that are different. That much goes without saying.
In any event, Danielle still has a long way to go. She is only 22. But somehow I believe she has more in her to wrestle life for a win come what may, and in whatever form or substance they may come by.
They say when you wrestle a gorilla, you don’t give up when you are tired. You only give up when the gorilla is tired, or done. That mirrors life in general well, and borrowing Danielle’s words, “(my) life experiences have taught (me) to focus on the things (I) can control, as long as I don’t stop trying, I can succeed.”
Recall I said earlier that you can pack a lifetime of lessons in one young life and Danielle’s story (thus far) does not end there. Remember her abusive father? Well, he came back.
Danielle has made up with her father, who went through a colon cancer scare. Danielle said: “He thought he was going to die and he wanted to apologise to us before it happened.”
“There’s still a barrier between us, we don’t talk much. But I’ve forgiven him. After all, he’s the one who gave me this life.”
As for her brother, she has not spoken to him since she reported him to the police five years ago. She said that “they are in different places and we see the world differently.”
Alas, that about sums up a lifetime of lessons right? You may be 22 or 82, but in Danielle’s story, you can distill the essence of a life.
While it is often said that behind a successful man is his wife, but universally speaking, behind every life that never gives up is a relationship that never left.
When Danielle told her mother this, “Mum, don’t worry, I’ll give you a good life some day,” her mother said: “Keep going, I’m always behind you, never give up.” And that is what I mean about summing up life’s lessons, and yes, it is about a love that never let go and a heart that draws strength from it and never gives up.
Indeed, behind every successful life is a relationship that goes the distance, and bring you with her/him, come what may.
Ultimately, you are the richest person in this world when you have such relationship. Because, with such relationship, like a candle, you can rely and rest on it to light up other lives. You can also forgive those who have hurt you. You can trust that the brother you have lost will one day come back. And you can love life back to such extent that you want to go all the way, because love never gave up on you, so why should you then give up on yourself.
So believe it, you need just one relationship that believes in you, and you will know deep inside that you not only have a safe harbour to return to when you are broken and lost, but you also have a guiding star at night to light the way for you to be a blessing to others.
That is enduring wealth - a richness that can never be lost to this world.
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