Some struggles/overcoming just have to be shared. Shalom Lim (24 yrs old) is one of them. His story is reported by Theresa Tan, in the series on millennials called GenerationGrit.
At just three months old, Shalom was diagnosed with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. It is “a rare genetic disease in which muscles progressively weaken and waste away.”
At 16, during his O levels, Shalom nearly died of pnenumonia as a result of influenza. He blacked out at home and his father, Dr Joshua Lim, a general practitioner, resuscitated him.
According to Ms Judy Wee, executive director of the Muscular Dystrophy Association (Singapore), “most children with (the condition) did not live beyond their early 20s.” However, she said ”with excellent care, some may live into their 30s.”
Lesson? I have three, and it is from Shalom’s own words.
1) “I would like to help people, given all that I have been through. I had a good childhood, a good education, and I have been given many opportunities to learn and grow as a person. I have led a fulfilling life and I want to give back to society.”
It’s true. Whichever way you look at it, Shalom has been blessed with strong family support and friends, and “many opportunities to learn and grow.”
His mother, Grace, is a former lecturer and his sister, Jane, 31, is a lawyer. His father, Joshua, is a doctor. Family matters, especially when you have to struggle through a rare genetic condition.
“(Joshua) still feels that sense of gratitude, (that is, grateful to be alive), even though he had to start using a wheelchair at the age of seven and now needs help with the activities of daily living, such as going to the toilet, eating and dressing. He is also hooked up to a ventilator, which helps him breathe.”
At this point, I can’t help but think about the 5-year-old boy whose parents had locked him in a cage and threw hot water at him, which scalded him to his death. They were ordered to serve 26/27 years in jail. Alas, two different parentage, and two very different outcomes. One, the state had to bury, soon to be forgotten, and the other, excelled in life, to inspire many.
At every crossroad in life thus far, Shalom was held up by loved ones. His father resuscitated him when he blacked out. When he had skin infection “that caused his veins to become inflamed” and his “muscles in both his arms weakened” to the point where he couldn’t write, his friends “stepped up to help him take notes during lessons.”
Shalom said that his mother is his pillar of strength. “My mum is my rock. Without her, I would have never come this far.”
2) It is reported that “what has helped (Shalom) deal with the darkness is his Christian faith.” He says: “We will all die one day, whether you are in your 20s or 80s. So it’s up to you to make the most out of life as you will never know when your time is up. The day you realise you are going to die is the day you also start living.”
That’s great advice, and I thank Shalom for expressing it so powerfully. You must know that yesterday, I wrote about youth suicides. Those cases in the age range of 20 to 29 have risen (as they have been before) and it is indeed cause for concern.
For some of us, imminent death is an awakening. We fight on. But for others, it’s welcoming. We give up. Sadly, some feel that they have reached their perceived limit to “making the most out of life” and is looking for a way to put an end to it.
Ultimately, regardless of our age, we have to ask ourselves, what is holding us up? What can we look forward to? How do we go from wishing to end it all today to hoping to live another day with hope and gratitude?
Shalom said: “I wanted to study and I didn’t want to give up halfway. I had faith that things would turn out okay. And I had the support of my family and friends.”
And the peacemaker/builder (Shalom) did just that. He graduated with a grade point average of 3.81, receiving a diploma with merit.
Shalom was awarded the Ngee Ann Kongsi Most Outstanding Overcomer Award for his “strong perseverance in overcoming the odds or setbacks in life.” And he also won the Asia Pacific Breweries Foundation Scholarship for Persons with Disabilities. He will be studying criminology and security at Singapore Institute of Technology.
Indeed, we will all face our death one day. And along the corridor of our mortality, a few of us are forced by circumstances beyond our control to make that painful sharp turn early to face a door marked, “suicide”. But many however choose to walk on by and choose to persevere with faith and hope.
At this juncture, I am tempted to say that if Shalom did not have such strong support from loved ones and a community that cared, he may have turned out differently. For he himself admitted that much when he said “without (mum), I would have never come this far.”
But let’s hold that thought as I end with Shalom’s words.
3) “I used to feel sorry for myself, but I have gotten over it. I have had to adapt to losing a lot of my abilities and I have to make the most of my abilities. Like I can still speak, I can still think and I enjoy reading and learning.”
“Now, I see it as a special challenge I have been given. I think it’s God’s way of telling me I’m made of sterner stuff, to help me deal with this adversity.”
I guess for some of us, we have many reasons to give up. Trials are painful, and socially isolating. We rather become bitter, with fist-clenched, and be skeptical about everything. Misery also loves company. In a nutshell, it just takes too much from us to want to be changed for the better, even if time is prepared to be generous with us.
So, once we are down, well, we are down. And thereon, we see everything, even the good, from that lowly level.
But Shalom, notwithstanding the unconditional support, is indeed “made of sterner stuff.” His faith was the only constant in his life; that is, a faith nurtured by a love that never let go, or give up.
Realistically speaking, not everyone of us will experience such love, or born to a family that went all the way. Some will be left by the wayside - like a baby who was recently found in a rubbish chute, crying. Some will be denied many opportunities in life to learn and grow.
And suicide, I believe, are not just the reserve of the poor. They are also for the rich too. For the will to live cannot be bought. Money doesn’t solve all of life’s problem, and at times, it may just be the push to end it.
So, after all’s said, are we then made of sterner stuff?
Let me share with you a brother Shalom had. I kept this to the end. His older brother, Issac, also had duchenne muscular dystrophy. He died of heart failure last December. He was only 28. His death devastated Shalom, for his fragile peace was broken to pieces with the passing of a brother he loved so much.
“(Shalom) felt the loss keenly and recently began taking antidepressants to cope with the grief.” He said: “I was so used to seeing my brother, and I felt an emptiness (after his death).”
By way of faith, you just have to ask yourself, why does all these things happen to someone who has already gotten the short end of a mortal stick?
And let me remind you that no matter how bless you are from the outside, with support and all, the will to live is an intense, and at times, very lonely battle, inside. It is not a given, and you alone have to fight for it. At times, the fight seems endless.
But nevertheless, after reading his many overcoming, I think I have my answer to the question - “Will Shalom come this far without the support of his loved ones?”
I believe we give credit where it is due, but I also believe that the fight to live on (and thrive) is a personal choice, that is, the resolve to make the most out of life, given the circumstances. The alternative is the choice to give up, or worse, to make the least out of it and just get by. Mind you, the latter is a life forfeited, squandered, which differs little from a life abandoned.
Shalom at 24 has taught me to live and make the most of what I have. He said “I can still speak”, I can too. He said “I can still think”, well, I think I can too. And he said “I enjoy reading and learning”, and I love all that.
These things cost little, if nothing, but the difference they make is life enduring. For a heart that takes nothing for granted, saves itself. It is a life that never lacks, because he has everything he will ever need.
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