Ok, let me get this right...Caucasians are playboys who cheat on women. Indians are predators, who prey on young girls. And having someone of another race as a son-in-law, in particular, would “dilute” the essence of a person’s identity, if not the purity of his race.
These are the remarks some of the Chinese wives/girlfriends got from complete strangers on the street whenever they went out with their Indian or Caucasian husbands. Some remarks can really be uncalled for and deeply hurtful.
Mind you, it is one thing for a child to be ignorant or naive, but it is another thing altogether for a grown man or woman, even highly educated ones, to be shallow and intolerant. Here’s one example...
Abraham Christopher, 32, was in a cab six years ago with his wife, Jacqueline, 30, and the cab driver asked her in Mandarin, “why she had to date an Indian man, and if Singapore had run out of Chinese boys for her to be with.”
Mm...I sometimes wonder, is there a magnifying and minimising effect when it comes to such interracial prejudices?
By that, I mean when it comes to your daughter’s marital prospect, is it by default (by virtue of one’s personality and/or upbringing) that no other race is better than your own? As such, you tend to minimise the flaws of your prospective son-in-law just because he belongs to your own race.
But when it comes to your daughter being romantically involved with someone of another race, in view of marriage, that’s where you put the magnifying glass on him, and every flaw is enlarged, not just by mere sight, but by entrenched cultural, colour-wise, and traditional preconceptions.
Let’s face it, marriage can sometimes be the luck of the draw, regardless of language, race or religion.
And whether your husband is Chinese, Indian or Caucasians, how enduring the union will be depends on what he and she bring to the marital home built over time by them - that is, it is about their character, personality and temperament, and how they as a couple overcome trials and obstacles together in their journey meant for a lifetime.
Have no disillusions and make no mistake about it, the colour of their partner’s skin or the unfamiliar accent in their speech doesn’t determine the strength of your children’s marriage. In fact, let me be straight up to say that the way you view the mixed-race marriage can indirectly affect your daughter’s long term happiness.
Marriage is tough enough when they have to confront the milestones together in their own unique journey, especially when the children come in. And you as their parents can really help a great deal if you resist putting on the magnifying or minimising glasses, and deal with the issue at hand; not compound it with color-tinted glasses.
For when all you do is to hold on to that magnifying glass to amplify every misstep your son-in-law does just because he is of another race, you have already condemned their union to be short-lived.
Alas, just because he is a Chinese doesn’t mean he doesn’t cheat on his spouse. Lust doesn’t come in hue of yellow, brown or white. Neither does abusive anger nor brazen irresponsibility come in those colours.
Let me confess that when my daughter marries, I want it to be a lifelong union for each other, that is, it is her well-being that her husband looks after, and she for him, and for fighting for the marriage and the family, and not each other.
And I know deep inside there is no race or colour to that. For you can put the reddest lipstick on a pig, or tie a cherry bow over the neck, yet it is still a pig - of course, that’s figure of speech.
In the end, what matters is that she marries someone who not just professes his love for her, and hers for him, but they both put that love into action, applying it to overcome all temptations and distractions, and to love unconditionally, to share and to hold on to, amidst all storms.
That transcends all races, because overcoming together is about changing what you can change, not what you can’t.
For when it comes to race or the colour of your skin, it is not what you can’t change that wrecks the union, but it’s what you can, yet refuse to, that ruins it. And what you can change is that part of your character and personality that stands in the way of your marriage.
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