Dad knows best. Sometimes they really do. They see a need in their child, they become their rescuers. A father’s heart indeed beats with unconditional love.
ST celebrates Father’s Day today with that theme. We have a father who gave up everything in 2014 for his son, Nathanael (Nat). Chris’ son was diagnosed with global developmental delay with low muscles tone. He researched about it and it was suggested that “living in a cool, temperate climate would be better” for Nat.
So, Chris, who has a PhD in biology, uprooted to New Zealand with family, left a well paying job and sold his company, to care for his son full time.
Chris said: “I made a choice: Should I be a millionaire and my son is bedridden, or should I be a poor man and my son can be perfectly fine? So I took the second option.”
Well, all that paid rich dividends for Chris. Nat is doing well. At 11 today, he has obtained a diploma in written music theory from Trinity College London’s music exam board and scored distinctions for some GCSE subjects.
Another dad became a stay-home father for his children. He has been playing that role since 2008. He said it was the most rewarding time of his life; watching his children grow, bonding with them, as he ferried them to school in his bicycle.
Nor Nizar Mohamed was in fact questioned for a such a move. One day, he recalled that he brought his son to play badminton. His friend asked, why he bring him over. “If you take care of him, what is your wife doing?” That was something he as a stay home dad has to deal with.
Another dad was inspired by his own father to step up. Albert Lim’s father died when he was 33. He recalled his father fondly. Though a stoic man, he had a high sense of responsibility and was caring. “I miss his quiet caring touch unto my family.”
Albert is a volunteer with Families for Life, and a Life council member and board director at the Centre For Fathering. His own children are married and he has a granddaughter. It was a long journey of fatherhood for Albert and it is ongoing until you heave your last breath.
Lesson? One.
I recall E.M. Forster once said, "How do I know who I am until I see what I do?" That’s wise.
We are defined by our actions, and I believe as fathers, we are also redeemed by them. Fatherhood is a redeeming journey. We take the first step by seeing ourselves in our child.
We may think their struggles to crawl, to walk, and to talk differ from ours. We may think they are just beginning to live, while we are at a much later stage of that development.
Yet, the reality is that their struggles are no different from ours. One is the birth of a life, the other, the birth of being a father. There is distinct newness on both sides as we cradle our child in our arms. We are both fragile in our own ways. The baby being nurtured and the father’s soul reformed through offering nurturance.
And the redemption part comes when we gradually form our own identity with every step (or misstep) taken along the way.
For that reason, both of us are learning. Both of us are growing. And both of us are adapting. That’s fatherhood, a mutually influencing and reinforcing journey from father to child, and from child to father.
Let me end with the words of a Roman emperor, which for me describes fatherhood well.
"Some people, when they do someone a favor, are always looking for a chance to call it in. And some aren't, but they're still aware of it - still regard it as a debt. But others don't even do that. They're like a vine that produces grapes without looking for anything in return...after helping others...They just go on to something else...We should be like that." (Marcus Aurelius).
Fathers are like vines, and their labour of love asks for nothing in return; just the well-being of his child. And grapes when they are not ripe are sour, and father and child go through that journey a lot. There will surely be disappointments, stumbles and falls, even rebellion.
That’s where the true testing comes, in line with what EM Foster said, “"How do I know who I am until I see what I do?" For when father and child overcome, one battle of growth after another, your vision of fatherhood comes into greater clarity; your identity as a father emerges from the overcoming.
Before long, you will know who you really are, especially during such time when your child comes to you and says, “I love you, Dad.”
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