On national
day, our prime minister will be giving his usual speech. You can expect a lot
of anecdotal accounts of how well and resilient we as a nation have been during
this uncertain economic climate. You can also expect his characteristic wit and
down-to-earth delivery to endear the listeners to his message.
Likewise,
I wonder, being the head of my family, whether I have a like-minded message for
my son (who is only 11). Of course, my message would
be tailored to provide him with general principles that are readily
available when he needs them. They would be more like guideposts to point
him in the right direction. One author in fact calls it the middle
axioms.
So, without the media-hype, my "national day message" to my son would go something like this.
Dear son,
when you are old enough to read this, I would like to start you off in life
with this question: What kind of
person do you want to be? This requires deep personal soul searching because
an unexamined life is not worth living. You see, in order to know what kind of
person you want to be, you will need to know the purpose of your life. Everyone
must find his own purpose in life. And you are no exception. So, give it
some thought, my son, because when you start your life right, you will
generally end well.
Of
course, your views of life will change as you mature, as you transit from being
a student to a young adult, as you embark upon your career and take that all
important step to marry, and as you start a family and manage all the challenges
that life as a father, husband, and citizen will bring. But in all these
changes, I expect that your core purpose will remain unchanged since you are
created by God and anointed for good works.
Now, to
help you get started on your path to self-discovery, let me introduce you to
some people who had led a purpose-driven life. They are a nurse, a civil
rights leader and a resilient couple. You can say that they knew their purpose
intimately (even without consciously articulating them) and they lived out their ordinary life with extraordinary courage. I
am sure their life will teach you some valuable lessons about living yours.
More importantly, I trust that they will inspire you to move forward with your
life.
The first
of them is a lady who died for what she believed in. And what was her belief? She believed in helping and saving people even
in the worst of times. She was trained as a nurse during the First World War
and ran a hospital as a matron with a cadre of nurses under her
supervision.
Her name
is Edith Cavell. She may not be as well known as our modern day superstars like
Lady gaga or David Beckham. But believe you me, Edith lived her life with uncompromising
principles. And for her passion and devotion, her contribution will forever
live in the memory of anyone who has read about her life.
As a
nurse, Edith's calling was not only to help the sick and afflicted. But during
the war, when the German army entered and occupied Brussels, where she
worked, her mission took an unexpected turn. She converted her hospital into a
refuge for fugitive soldiers.
The
former British prime minister, Gordon Brown, has this to say about Edith’s life
in his book Courage, "Edith Cavell's entire life was one of action
over inaction; leaving her work as a governess and turning to nursing; applying
repeatedly for more senior nursing positions, establishing a teaching hospital
- and a profession within a nation - from scratch, despite repeated setbacks;
not simply accepting fugitive soldiers under her shelter, but helping them
secure false documents, money, and guides to reach safety. Edith never seemed
to lack the courage to act, even when such action put her own life at risk."
Edith was
the Oscar Schindler of the Nazi era
in WWII; forsaking the comfort of a good life and risking everything to
shelter, nurse, protect, guide and transport prisoners of war to safety.
But when
the Germans realized what she had done, they arrested her and forced her to
sign a confession. She remained in prison for ten weeks thereafter and on 12 October 1915,
Edith faced the firing squad and was executed.
Before
she died, she wrote these words, "I
have no fear or shrinking. I have seen death so often that it is not strange or
fearful to me. I thank God for this ten weeks quiet before the end. Life has
always been hurried and full of difficulties. This time of rest has been a
great mystery. They have all been very kind to me. But this I would say,
standing as I do in view of God and eternity: I realize that patriotism is not
enough; I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone."
Son,
Edith is one of those rare personalities in history that you must never forget.
But her courage and generosity are not rare to those who live life with a
purpose. She knew who she wanted to be and stood steadfast by it. Guided by
unshakeable principles, a steely resolve and a heart of compassion, Edith
showed the world that one unassuming, lone nurse can make a difference, even in
a cruel and senseless world.
At this
point, I am reminded of these words by the philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche,
"He who has a Why to live for can
bear with almost any How".
My son,
please search with all your heart for this often overlooked but highly
relevant "Why to live". It
is the only way your life will glow with purpose, deepen with meaning, and
endure even during the worst of time. This “Why
to live” will keep you meaningfully busy and distract you from the pain of this world.
Let me
introduce you to the next person who understood this "Why to live". He was a Baptist minister, a civil rights activist, a Nobel prize winner and a man whose broken heart knew no hatred. He is Dr
Martin Luther King.
If you
are touched by the life of Edith Cavell for her heart of gold, this man should
do the same for you for his heart of forgiveness. The space in this short
letter will not do justice to his remarkable life. So, just a foretaste of it here
will do.
Dr King
was a victim of many things. He was cruelly discriminated for being an African American,
thwarted in every step of the way for his socioeconomic background, and even
despised and jailed repeatedly for standing firm on one of the bedrock
principles that America was founded upon, that is, freedom from discrimination
by the color of one’s skin. His five-year-old son once asked him, “Daddy, why do white people treat coloured
people so mean?”
For every
injustice he received, Dr King had every earthly-justified reason to fight back
and rage on against the power-that-be. But he nevertheless kept his heart from
the abyss of hatred and revenge. This is even so when he witnessed his mother being
shot while she was playing the organ in her church. The assassin shot his
mother because she was conveniently closer to him. The bullet was meant for his
father. Dr King himself was a target of many assassination attempts and he was finally
killed by one of them.
In the
face of his valley of the shadow of death, Dr King stood up to be counted and
penned these unforgettable lines, "I
will go on thanking God for what I have left. For the rest of my days, I will
not hate. I will not hate. I want to go on record that I will not hate."
He also wrote these words, "On some
positions, cowardice asks the question, "Is it safe?" Expediency asks
the question, "Is it polite?" And vanity comes along and asks the
question, " Is it popular?" But conscience asks the question,
"Is it right?""
Son,
there will come a time in your life where circumstances will test you, stretch
you, and even plot to fail you. Do you then run or stand up to be counted?
Do you cower and compromise or face the storm and ask, "Is it right?"
But
wait...you may ask: Aren't all these
idealistic talks reserved for legends of history and not ordinary folks like
me? I hope I had anticipated your reservation promptly, son. True, our
ideals may at times be construed as clumsy and airy-fairy. In this world
of pop moneyed culture, our ideals will only get in the way of transient fame
and quick fortune at any costs. Sadly, in the same way that words like "virginity" and "prude" are considered positively antediluvian
(outdated), our ideals suffer the same fate in the name of "progress", "post-modernity" and "enlightened thinking".
But son,
keep this in mind: Our ideals are not on
trial here; it is the lack of it that is. Many pay lip service to
these ideals because a life of "action
over inaction" costs too much. When Jesus admonished his disciples to
count the cost and carry the cross, he is not asking them to do a mental
calculation, but to offer a personal sacrifice. He is asking them to put the ideals into action, to be prepared to live them and even die for them. I think the greatest ideal is this, "God is love."
Dr King
often asked himself, "If a man
hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live."
The same sentiment was expressed by Edith Cavell, "...I have told you that devotion will give you real happiness,
and the thought that you have done, before God and yourselves, your whole duty
and with a good heart will be your greatest support in the hard moments of life
and in the face of death."
You see
son, your life ought to be a servant to what is right and a master over what is
wrong. This is the ultimate measure of keeping our ideals alive. Jesus, Edith
and Luther took those steps in complete subservient to Godly principles and
denied all evil that strive with equal vigor to defeat their resolute march to
their elected destiny. They made it victoriously not because they were too
idealistic. They made it because their words and their actions matched. Goethe
once said, "Knowing is not enough;
we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do."
Let me
end with a more down-to-earth, closer-to-home example of a life driven by
purpose or an unbreakable union. In the book titled Why Good Things Happen to Good People, authors Stephen Post and
Jill Neimark recounted the life of a couple named Chester and Mildred.
Unlike
Edith or Martin Luther, who lived in treacherous times, with one facing the
beast of war and the other the scourge of racism, the life of Chester and
Mildred is as ordinary as any couple of our time. But what distinguished
them is their unyielding devotion to one another. This august devotion is
inspiring because they have been happily married for seven decades!
Son, in
order to stay so happily married for so many years, your love will have to be
tested at one end and come forth shining
at the other. Their marriage was equally tested and some of the tests were
indeed heartbreaking.
They
courted each other during the Great Depression. But since Chester's family
moved frequently, they were often miles apart from each other. So, Chester had
to walk fifty-six miles during the weekends to go on a date with Mildred. He
would start his journey in the wee hours of Saturday morning just so that
he could spend more time with her.
But when
Chester's family moved again, this time even further, about a hundred miles
away, Chester had to give up walking to Mildred. Instead, he wrote letters to
her. His faithful writings touched Mildred deeply and they finally married in 1935.
After the
marriage, Chester worked for a dollar a day clearing forest. On one occasion,
he remembered he had five dollars in his pocket and he spent $4.98 of it to buy
his wife a wedding ring. Things then went smoothly with the arrival of their
children until world war two came.
When
Chester was called to serve in the marines, the couple's love was tested with
two years of separation. It was a difficult time for them. After the war,
Chester returned with injury and he spent the next four years in and out of
hospital. Further, Chester had to undergo a back operation and the family had
to sell off their farm to pay for it.
To make
ends meet, Mildred had to sew for a living and Chester, who was in a body cast,
managed to make leather goods and sell purses. Life was definitely hard for
them but their love was equally resilient. They loved their way out of the daily
trials of life and stayed true to each other. Not long after, with Mildred's
support, Chester sold his house and business and enrolled himself into
college.
While in
college, Chester held down two jobs and Mildred worked as a seamstress in a
private company. Soon, after graduating, Chester found a stable job as a design
engineer. So far, their marriage valiantly weathered all that was expected of a
marital triathlon: financial hardship, physical separation and illness.
But the
next trial pushed them to the edge.Their eleven year old daughter met with a
tragedy. She was ran over by a stranger riding a bicycle and the accident
severely damaged her lungs. She died three years later.
One
touching incident that Chester recalled was of Mildred crocheting some items
for her daughter before her last visit to the hospital. Along the way, her
daughter said, "Mom, I won't need
those. But don't cry." Chester remembered that Mildred did not cry in
front of her daughter. She waited until she passed away before she broke down in tears.
Despite
all that they had gone through, Chester and Mildred stayed happily married for
seventy loving years. Of their long marriage, the couple shared this, "one of our philosophies has been, don't let
the sun go down on your anger. Realize deep down in your heart your love for
one another, and that will give you the willingness to overlook inconsistencies
and flaws."
Son, this
is what our ideals look like when they are applied in a life. For it can be said that
there is nothing more idealistic than this quaint phrase, "Love conquers all!"
So, let's
recap. You cannot know what kind of person you want to be without knowing the
purpose of your life. And I hope that the above examples have given you an idea
of what living a purpose-driven life is about.
But
ultimately, it is a journey of self-discovery and it is a personal journey. It
is yours to discover and yours to bring to pass. I cannot tell you what they
are, your purpose in life, that is. You have yours and I have mine. Your mom
has hers too. Your sisters will have to find theirs when the time is ripe.
Let your
spirit bear out this next truth as I close, "Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right
answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for
each individual."
Have a great national day son. Love Daddy.
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