This is an extract from the trial of City Harvest taken from the Straits Times today.
"My client is
in the dock and his life is in a mess. His instructions to me is that if you
had told him what was right and what was wrong, he would have followed your
advice...You are breaking his heart, the way you are denying things."
(Senior Counsel Sreenivasan for City Harvest Church).
Auditor Foong Daw
Ching rebutted, "They know very well they come to me on an ad hoc
basis...They are intelligent people. You paint (them) as though they are
21-year-olds."
There are actually
seven helpful lessons that I can learn here. And they are lessons about running
a multi-million-dollar, media-grabbing, magnum-cool, megachurch. Here are the lessons
for your digest.
1) Just like the
movie censorship RA(21) rating, running a megachurch has an age-restriction
too. You have got to be above 21 years old. This is a must because any age
below that would make you look unintelligent or unintelligible. This is the
all-important first lesson. If you are eighteen years old, eager to set up a
megachurch, and think the world of yourself, wait long long.
2) Related to the
first lesson is this second: you have got to be intelligent, and preferably be
surrounded by intelligent people. This is basic common sense because dumb
people would ruin the church's reputation by making dumb investments on
dumb-enough music videos and dance moves on the dumb premise that they are all
for the feet-tapping glory of god...oops, the whole pun is honestly unintended.
3) The third lesson
is instructive and it is culled from the quote above, "They are
intelligent people. You paint (them) as though they are 21-year-olds." The
catchword here is "paint". To run a megachurch, you must be an
artist, familiar with the art of handcrafting and better still painting. It's
actually all about painting the right picture for your devotees to see. Just
avoid any possible kaypoh-like scrutiny. As long as it is admired from afar,
from a distance, your art will shine like a shimmering mirage. This is another
basic common sense because the devil is often in the details. And for a
megachurch, the angels are often traipsing on stage.
4) Do not ever seek
help only on an ad hoc basis. This is the fourth lesson on running a
megachurch. Being intelligent and artistic is one thing, but seeking help only
on an ad hoc basis is like peeing once a month. It's bladder-ly ill-advised.
You have to bear this in mind because running a megachurch calls for continuous
commitment. And any discontinuity in seeking advice or doing so only at one's
convenience may be interpreted by the narrow-minded critics as if you have
something to hide. So, be consistent and not consistently inconsistent.
5) "His
instructions to me is that if you had told him what was right and what was
wrong, he would have followed your advice," so says City Harvest’s
counsel. The fifth lesson is hidden in this sentence and it is this: Never base
"what is right and what is wrong" on a man, especially if he is
someone who has admitted that he's not even good with numbers. As a megachurch
leader, what is right and what is wrong should always be premised on the Spirit
of Truth and not on a numerically-challenged bookkeeper who is now apparently
aloof.
6) The sixth lesson
is about breaking hearts and it is taken from this line, "you are breaking
his heart, the way you are denying things." In order to run a megachurch
successfully, always embrace or steel your heart for lots of disappointments.
These disappointments come in many forms and the most heartbreaking one is when
your member no longer accepts what you say as gospel truth because his version
happens to serve him better. But, let's not sidetrack. This lesson is of
crucial importance and you ignore it at your own peril. In a nutshell, it is
about keeping your heart pure and in this case, pure from those who only have
their own interest at heart and not yours.
7) Here comes a
practical seventh lesson and it is about airing public laundry. The cue here is
in this opening line, "My client is in the dock and his life is in a
mess." As the leader of a megachurch, this public confession is a big
no-no. Never get yourself in such a messed up situation if it can be avoided.
In fact, you are to avoid it at all cost. If it is possible, always resort to
scapegoating tactics like blaming the accountant - he is always an easy target,
since, in like manner that a cook can always whip up a storm, the book-keeper
can always cook up the books. Or, maybe, pick the weakest link in the chain and
smoke out the Judas character. He is not hard to find. He is usually the one
closest to the money trail like the business development manager.
Alternatively, and this should never be tried at home cell, you can always look
up to the heavens and expect an apology. That way, the church of sheep-like
members would always view you as one of them, that is, a poor, sacrificial lamb
offered to the "secular dogs" for a "god-ordained purpose".
Therein ends the
seven lessons I have learned from this City Harvest saga. I hope you had as
much fun learning them as I had writing them. Cheerz!
Disclaimer: All errors and omissions found in
this article belong exclusively to the author, that is, me, and all credit, if
any, goes to the leadership of a megachurch.
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