If love is a battlefield and marriage
is a foxhole dodging live rounds, these are the 5 checklists or rules to
survive it all.
1)
A happy wife is a happy marriage. This is the overriding ground rule. When
all else fails, when it's that time of the month, when she's touchy or edgy or
scratchy or just creepy, hold this rule close to your clueless heart. Don't let
go. Husbands are there to make wives happy and Pharrell Williams got the
finger
on the button or the tug on the heart string with his awesomely simplistic
song "Happy". Every husbands ought to memorize the chorus in order to
dodge all that heat-seeking marital bullets. Here is me giving you a head
start.
(Chorus)
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like a head
without a clue.
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like
happiness' just for her.
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you know that happiness
for you is her.
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like that's
what you gotta do.
Got it? Still clapping? Now repeat
the chorus again and again until it plays in your mind like a splitting
migraine and is the only thing you hear when she's in one of those
hell-has-no-fury moods. "Check".
2) Say sorry even if you don't entirely mean it. Doesn't that
make me
half a hypocrite you say? Erm...there's a context to that actually. You see, I
have discovered that saying sorry may seem to be the hardest word, but not
saying it only makes it worse. By holding on to your ego, which unsurprisingly
is the cause of all our marital downfall, you're not doing your marriage a
favor, not at all. Let's face it, you marry her because you love her. The vows,
the crowd of witnesses, and the unrelenting consummation pleasure all adds up
to authenticate your love for her. So,
you would be a full-blooded
"hypocrite" if you deny all that. Logical? That is why being half a
hypocrite (apologize) is infinitely better than being a full hypocrite (deny
you love her by refusing to apologize). Get it? It's simply relative in a
tweaked way. If you want to be true to yourself, at least as close to the truth
as possible, then just say sorry because not saying it will bring you a
lifetime of unwitting hardship. How about sincerity, you ask? Well, I believe
if you say it (long enough), they will come (sincerity that is). Don't even
try
to dissect that. Say it and you will be magically surprised that many
(trap)doors will be opened for you to escape from a potentially explosive
situation. "Check".
3) Saying "I love you" can save your life. If sorry doesn't
quite help, then follow that up with "I love you". Whether you
mean it or not at that moment is secondary to the unintended consequences that
flow from those three words. Biblically, love covers over a multitude of sins.
In your case, it covers a universe
full of it. Even when you think you have a
point, or that you are right in some ways, forget about bulldozing your way
through. The larger picture is always more mutually beneficial. Defer your
point to a later date when you are safely out of the eye of her storm. Because
when in the storm, all she is dying to hear is how sorry you are and how much
you love her. So go ahead and say them, say them in its proper sequence, and I assure you,
immediate peace and a quartet of chirpy birds will descend upon you. And if
you
strain a little, you may even hear a chorus of Pharrell's happy song
playing in your head and experience a feet-tapping elevation of your mood.
"Check".
4) Silence is golden when you are pissed off. This is the part that is
the hardest. In order to keep it all together, I've learned that you have to
keep it shut, tight. I know this is counterintuitive. But it is only temporary.
Just for that gut- bursting moment, silence beats a shouting match anytime. It
is said that the fool is silent
because he has nothing to say but the wise is
silent because he has many things to say. And although wise husbands are hard to come
by, they are not ignorant of the fact that when they are pissed off, trying
to say anything so laden with their inflammatory mood is as effective as trying
to drown a fish in water. The fish will not be drowned and your boat will not
float with her. So, somebody has to take a deep breath, give in and endeavor to
close the gap. If men are the head of the household, so says the scriptures,
then
husbands are to take the lead on this. It's our sacred duty. "Check".
5) Time is the coveted fruit of a resilient marriage. This is my final
point and the most serious one. This point is a tad cryptic. Time here refers
to passing time and passing time eases all hurts and misunderstanding in a
marriage and graciously deepens the marital ties. If we fight for our marriage,
especially the husbands, treasure it, and strive to develop it, the
foundational roots will invariably grow. With
deeper roots, and with passing
time, the marriage will be resilient and strong enough to face all kinds of
weather. While my four mischievous points above relate to in-the-moment,
situational scenarios, this last point is about taking the long Len’s view of
things. It is looking beyond the here-and-now and into our marital future, the
horizon of growth and understanding. Everything has a future if we take the
time and put in the effort. A plant, a puppy, an education, a child, and our
marriage, you
name it, they all have a future. We end it when we give it all
up. But should we persist, against the odds, putting aside our personal ego and
selfish desires, our marriage surely has a rewarding future. This is not plain
idealism but it is realizable reality via a passion that never say die. So,
give it time, don't give up, give of your best, and watch this gift of love
blooms into a future that may very well be a truly HAPPY one for both of
you. Cheerz.
No comments:
Post a Comment