Raphael scored a good 220 for his PSLE yesterday. But he was not there to pick up his results. His parents, William Lee and Winnie Lee collected the results posthumously. Yes, sadly, Raphael passed away on 13 Nov, after he did his PSLE. Here’s the background.
At eight months old, in 2008, Raphael was “diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma in his left forearm.” 8 years later, in 2016, he was “diagnosed with osteosarcoma, or bone cancer. It started in his left arm again, and eventually spread to his right collarbone and both lungs.”
It was a muted and mixed celebration for the Lee family. Their son scored As for mathematics and science and Bs for English and mother tongue.
Lesson? Please go read his story. It captures the heart of what a parent-child relationship truly is.
I write this not so much because of a tragedy of this scale, but because it is a perfect narrative of what a child can teach us parents.
Alas, PSLE may be daunting, but Raphael faced a greater test in life, and it is life itself
Let me briefly narrate Raphael’s love for life (even if it was a short one) in his own words in the report today written by Jolene Ang.
“When Raphael was diagnosed with bone cancer in his left arm in 2016, he underwent cryotherapy, which involved using liquid nitrogen to destroy the cancer cells.”
“But the very next year, doctors found another swelling near his left wrist and said that amputation was inevitable.”
William said that Raphael was “devastated” when he heard that he was going to lose his arm. But “he took it in his stride”, and managed to always keep his countenance up. He smiled and cheered up family and friends who visited him after his operation.
There are two things you must know about Raphael.
First, his parents can’t talk him out of taking his PSLE this year. Despite the fact that had to go through “targeted therapy, or oral medication, when he was taking his papers”, his mother said: “But no matter how tired and sickly he was, he wanted to go back to school because he enjoyed it, and loved spending time with his friends,"
Second, tragedy struck again when his father William was in August diagnosed with Stage 2 colon cancer in the large intestine.
Worried that his dad may not be able to deal with the treatment, "(Raphael) told his mum, 'Why does Papa have to get cancer? Why not let me have it in his place, since I'm more experienced and have gone through chemotherapy before?'
Winnie said: "I was so touched by this. I told him not to be silly. ‘It's so easy to tell you to be brave and strong - now it is time for me to lead by example and show you I can do it too.'"
Truly, that about sums up the bond of love between parent and child.
I know this story, a true story, will move one to tears, but the point is that it should move hearts to see beyond what I have been writing this past three days - that is, beyond a lifetime of judgment based on grades to a lifetime of shared pain, overcoming and celebration based on love and hope.
Raphael may not be there for the results, but hands down, he has, for me, passed the greatest test in life, and that is, he has shown courage in the face of death, hope in the face of dread, and love in the face of devastation.
When you read his story, trust me, the last thing on your mind is the grades or the numbers. William and Winnie went to collect the results not because they want to know the grades so much as they want to fulfill their son’s last wish.
This is what William said to him: “We told him that our focus was not on his studies but on his health. We would tell him, 'Just do your best, there is no stress', but he wanted to prove himself."
Indeed, Raphael has done just that, he has proven himself; not so much with 220, or Express stream, but his love for life, his passion for learning, and his joy for living, all this in the midst of imminent mortality.
Yes, death where is thy sting? For Raphael broke it to pieces in his fight for the good race of life, and it is all truly about relationship. That may sound trite, and you as a parent may have heard it before, but until one “leads by example”, as Raphael did so courageously and consistently, it will only touch us the way a classroom textbook touches us - superficially, emotionally, and momentary.
For the true lesson in life comes outside of the classroom, that is, in the home, on the hospital bed, in the valley of death, in the broken hearts of loved ones, and in the celebration of love that is forever.
Raphael will be remembered by all who loved him deeply and dearly. RIP solider of and for life; for you have won not just the academic crown, but the overcoming crown of life.
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