Faith & Modesty Part 1.

 

“Can I make a special appeal to the girls?

Let’s help our brothers by not dressing in a revealing or provocative way.

Of course you do not have control over their lustful thoughts, and it may not be a sin to wear that skintight dress or post that bikini photo, but if we can help our brothers why not?

Avoid it not because we must do it, but because we love each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.”

That was the appeal of a youth pastor, published in Thir.st, and it was aimed to help our brothers fight against sexual temptation.

Well, it may not be a sin to wear or post skintight dress or bikini, but there are three precautionary note regarding that post and its spillover aftermath. 

First, it was made public. I trust it was meant for the benefit of a Christian youth audience. It may even be spoken in a closed-door session like the time CCS’s closed-door candid session about the supply of masks, which was somehow leaked to the public. 

So, you can expect the talk to have more context and meant to be heart-to-heart, open and candid; thus less mincing of words. Or, at least should have been intended that way.

Second, it is spoken by a pastor, a religious leader. 

In the public eye, especially after so many leaders have fallen, religious leaders may just be the last person on earth at this time to talk about sin, temptation and revealing dressing. And to compound the issue, it is most unfortunate that it is made public for all and sundry. 

And third, the subject matter fell short or is of insufficient clarity - that is, helping our brothers fight against sexual temptation by dressing less revealing. Good intention definitely not doubted, but more understanding is needed. Also, discretion would be helpful here when one is phrasing it in that way. 

You see, we as parents want our sons to keep their lust under control. We want to warn them that they can turn something meant for pleasure within boundaries into pleasures without boundaries. And we want our sons (and daughters) to enjoy sex in the appropriate context where commitment, love, devotion and trust are the four defining bedposts in a relationship. 

Yet, it is not so much about clothings, or how one dresses, but it is more about preserving one’s modesty as a virtue in this world that has swung to embracing brash immodesty, with disturbing unintended cultural effect on our youth, grown men, and even men of the collar. 

Personally, I do not think it is naive to advise another to dress less provocatively, or to think twice when posting bikini photos, in our largely conservative society. But it cannot be an unqualified and context-lacking advice, because in this era of the woke generation, where one is highly militant against men in sanctimonious garb, you can expect to be target for open criticisms. 

And it is not naive because I trust those who issue out the advice are aware that men are more easily triggered than women when to comes to sexual temptation. This is not to excuse them, or their actions, not in any way, but it is to understand them. 

This understanding is necessary so as to let those - who are struggling with sexual desires - know that they are not alone in this struggle. For even the best or most restraint amongst us are confronting this issue too, to varying degree of course. 

Mind you, sexual desires are much more complicated than just about dressing well, covering those so-called trigger points or arousing signals. It is not so much about conservative dressing because that is also a matter of culture. By this, I mean that what is revealing in one culture can be normal, or generally acceptable, in another culture.

And even if one is fully dressed, covered in the most non-flirtatious way, a man obsessed with lust can very well undress his victim with just his eye and mind. And it can be something he brings back home to replay in the darkness of his mind, turning it into a nurturance of carnal desires carried out in the absence of any provocative or revealing dressing. 

So, never underestimate the power of the mind to grow a seed of thought into a fortress of sexual addiction. As such, this is what I meant by the subject fell short or is of insufficient clarity, when we just tell them about dressing less revealing and nothing more.

Let me end by going back to the virtue of modesty. Havelock Ellis wrote this in 1899: “Without modesty, we could not have, nor rightly value at its true worth, that bold and pure candor which is at once the final revelation of love and the seal of its sincerity.” 

Another view in agreement states as follows: “All peoples require a sense of shame in youngsters, especially in young girls and shame suits youth and protects the growth of sexual maturity.” (Kurt Riezler). 

For me, such shame sets the boundary for us in speech and conduct, especially on how one dresses, how one ought to treat another, and how mutual respect ought to be extended. 

This kind of shame closely co-partners with modesty as a virtue to restrain one from acting/dressing out of line. And that line is drawn by modesty’s sentry guard, that is, self-respect and self-reproach.