Kindness with a touch of consideration.

The message is simple: kindness without a touch of consideration can lead to distress. 

Reported by Malavika Menon, the title captures this admonishment well: “Don’t post online about vulnerable folk, social workers urge.” I guess it is a matter of time before society realises that even an act of kindness can be carried too far. 

MSF minister Sun Xueling said: “When you put up a video or a photo, apart from the fact that you might be infringing on the privacy as well as confidentiality of the vulnerable person, sometimes you may be bringing unwanted attention to the vulnerable person.“

Another commentator, Ms Siti Rohana Hanson, manager of Social Service Office @ Bedok/Geylang Serai said: “To have quite personal information published, it brings them distress. They are out in the community and people may look at them differently.”

I think this message is important, because kindness is not an unqualified good, and there are risks to the ones we seek to help. Causing them distress is a very real outcome. That would defeat the purpose of the kindness being shown to them, even if it is one-off. 

Mr Brian Monteiro, manager of shelters and programmes at Catholic Welfare Services, who conducts regular night walks with other members of CWS in an outreach called Night Mission, said: “The lives if these vulnerable individuals do not become better after their information is shared online. Often, their faces are publicised, they are questioned and they move away from their familiar locations.”

He added: “They do not ask for money or pity, only that they are treated with dignity and respect. They are still human beings and fellow Singaporeans.”

Lesson? Just one. 

I guess we will be well-advised to lean our kind hearts to the wisdom of Matthew 6: -

“...But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”

That is why our kindness has to be tempered with consideration. At times, kindness done under the bliss of anonymity is an enduring reward for both parties, that is, the giver and the receiver alike. For the receiver, it is the benefit of privacy protected and the kindness extended. 

Here is a sobering reminder from a homeless man: “When people take photos or videos of us, posting them on social media with our faces shown, our families will know about us and be affected.”

For the giver, it is the simplicity of charity that deepens the soul onto the anchor of authenticity. Such act of anonymous kindness is unembellished, and its intention is unalloyed (pure). 

Imagine that, the giving hand is done without the other hand even knowing it. It is carried out in ceremonial secrecy. And it is of such anonymity that is devoid of any fanfare and the complicated emotions that come with it. Thus, the “reward” is a lighter conscience knowing you have made a small difference in a stranger’s life. 

At most times, publicity muddles the waters and blunts the motivation. In other words, it risks adulterating the initial agenda. Mind you, kindness does have its own KPI and we may unwittingly turn it into a competitive or performance sport because we secretly relish the attention we are getting from it, online and offline. 

So when kindness mutates into a hierarchy of conscious rankings, we would have turned it into a transactional act that swallows whole the soul that is initially seeking for a purpose undefiled by worldly benchmarks that rewards sensorially, and most superficially. 

Abraham Yeo, co-founder of Homeless Hearts, makes this honest observation: “Ultimately we draw the line at what’s the agenda behind posting photos or videos of these individuals - is it to raise awareness or for people’s own agendas?” 

Of course, there will be times when publicity with discretion and discernment is required, to raise public awareness, to raise funds, to right a wrong, and/or to push for legislative action for sustainable impact, but there has to be a balance in and consideration for the kindness offered to the recipient. 

In fact, MSF strongly encourages members of public to refer individuals who may need help to MSF and “our partners will coordinate and render support to ensure that they get the necessary assistance.”

I believe the article targets individual acts, most times done spontaneously, by people with a kind heart. And we must always give them a benefit of a doubt, because even in the soft terrain that a kind soul is treading on, there are uncharted minefields - like the lures of popularity in social media - that the unwitting may fall into. 

Alas, I like to think that our passion for kindness is like a calm river stream, which is refreshing to both our soul and the soul of the receiver. But when that passion develops a deep undertow running underneath, we risk being pulled into it and the outcome may be self-defeating.