Son, resolve never to fight life. Or go head
first against it. Some things are unbeatable. Life has it all decked up for
you. The alignment is as epic as the planetary position of our solar system.
There are things you cannot fight against and expect to win; no matter how
determined or persistent you are. So you’ll have to learn to walk the other way
when you are confronted with them. You have to choose your battles, select your
fights.
I guess living with reality is living with
limitations. What is important is
to admit to them and move on with life the
best way you know how. Let me give you a whiff of what I mean. Here is one
unbeatable life's truth: You cannot change
everybody.
This is one truth you cannot not accept.
And the earlier you come round to accept this my son, the more at peace you’ll
be in your life. Of course, I am not asking that you give him or her up. There
are still soft power, timely nudges and gentle persuasions. You can still be a
positive influence.
But
there is only so much you can do. Your
time, affection and commitment are all limited. You can only plant the seeds
and pray that the birds or the wind will not take them away. The rest is really
out of your hand. Sometimes, for some people, the handful in your life, the
agents of change rest in factors beyond you. For the stick in the mud and the frozen
hearts, time and happenstances are better teachers than you. And there will be
the rare few who will take their unchanged self to the graves;
leaving a trail
of painful irreconcilables.
On your part, you must learn to let go. You
must work to change yourself rather than persist in changing some people. It is
trite to say this but here goes: Always
know that you must be the change you wish to see in others. Only when you
have achieved that can you say with buoyancy of spirit that you have done the
utmost in your life.
And son, never underestimate how such personal
change can change others. Somehow the testimony of a transformed life
impacts
more lives, far deeper and more enduringly, than mere words of advice.
Here is another truth that is unbeatable, and
please do not fight it. Here it is: There
will be some people out there who will excel in their life, that is, becoming
rich and famous, and most of the time, it has nothing to do with hard work or
honesty.
I know this sounds petty. I should be asking
you to mind your own business. That would seem to be a better advice. But this
is my point. We are people who can't
resist the urge to compare, especially
when they are people we know. Most of them will inspire us with their
achievements. We will want to walk in their shoes and go the distance to
emulate them. This however does not apply to everyone. There will inevitably be
some people, in the minority, who will achieve success by chance or otherwise.
They will either gain it without any effort like an inheritance or a lucky dip
at the lottery or through dishonest and corrupt means.
Of
course, we should share in the joy of those
who come to a windfall. It is not called random fortune for nothing my dear.
You see my son, you can't choose your birth parents (although I am so blessed
to have you). Neither can you kelong a
lottery strike. They just happened. And they will happen anyway to whomever
lady luck chooses to unsparingly favor. This is the way life, in all her ironic
variety, indiscreetly surprises us.
At such time, petty or otherwise, I will
hazard a
guess that you may feel a pinch of longing for that kind of luck or
feel a little sore over your current station in life. This is normal, even
expected. I will in fact expect nothing less. Welcome to living the raw reality
of everydayness my son. But I am sure such feelings will soon pass for you.
During such time, I want you to never forget that the greatest privilege of
life is to be you. And I want you to live it up because true enduring success
is mostly about what money cannot
buy like my love for you (and your sisters). That
is definitely not a cliché, trust me.
Then, there is the other class of success.
This is where gains are secured through illegal means. They may be your friends
or people you respect like your bosses. They may flaunt their wealth and boast
about it. Or they may keep it under wraps. Either ways you know that their
success in the material sense is highly questionable or things just do not add
up.
Here again, I need you to know that everybody
live their life in the best way they know how. I
have come across a man who
loves his wife dearly but cannot live without his mistress. I know of another who
profits from his office via questionable means so that he could share the
spoils with others, leaving the larger share for himself of course. Then there
are religious leaders who commit heinous crimes behind closed doors and yet
pray for others for redemption and repentance. And high profile people like
politicians, celebrities and business leaders who walk a morally fuzzy line.
At
times, the currency of success is more about lying your way through rather
than telling the truth at all costs. You will one day know what I mean when you
encounter your own moral crossroad.
So, my son, the real world is generally clean
and habitable except for those hard-to-reach corners where sludge and slime
like to gather in troves. There is actually little that you can do about it
because in the very same way that the wheels of the bus go round and round,
some lubricating grease is needed to make this world spin round and round too. And
to say that people as a whole are uncorrupt is as accurate as saying that
gravity takes a day off on Sunday.
Now I do not want you to sweat too much over
this.
Some things are just the way they are because this is an imperfect world.
The excuse of course is not so much in the imperfection but in what is clearly
unavoidable. Let me explain this as I bring this love letter to a close.
My son, people will fail you. They really
will. I will too. There are times when I overreacted. Other times, I regretted
what I did or say. If imperfection ever needed a poster child, I would fit the
role even before the poster ink dries. As you grow up, you must never forget
that to err is indeed
human and to be human is to err. No one is spared making mistakes.
Unlike random luck, mistakes will happen with unrandom certainty.
But the beauty of it all is that a mistake is
not final. It is in fact a beginning, and for a special class of mistakes, the
beginning unfortunately claws back a long long way. There is a price for everything I guess.
Nevertheless, it is still a new beginning and most people do change after that.
Underscore "most".
So, my son, in this life, I want you to always
watch out for
the hopeful and not the hopeless, always expect the corrigible
and not the incorrigible, and always believe the best in people and not the
worst. This is a lesson that even this uber-skeptical dad of yours is still
learning.
Now, going back full circle, in a larger
scheme of things, many dubious acts committed are just part and parcel of how
humanity as a whole live their life. It is at times unavoidable because greed,
lust and pride are the demons that all of us will have to grapple with in our
own life. Some overcome
them. Others succumb to them. Some have family support
and make amends. Others are alienated and seek revenge.
But whatever it is, everybody has a story to tell. On this, let me quote what a Siberian elder once said, "If you don't know the trees, you may be lost in the forest. If you don't know the stories, you may be lost in life." And the problem with these individual stories are that their endings have yet to be written. Even its author has yet to complete the final chapter. And every unfinished story must be given the chance to finish because only the finished story gives you the whole picture.
But whatever it is, everybody has a story to tell. On this, let me quote what a Siberian elder once said, "If you don't know the trees, you may be lost in the forest. If you don't know the stories, you may be lost in life." And the problem with these individual stories are that their endings have yet to be written. Even its author has yet to complete the final chapter. And every unfinished story must be given the chance to finish because only the finished story gives you the whole picture.
My son, we have to learn to give
a life the
time and space it needs to grow, to make mistakes, to fall, to rise, to make
amends, to pay the price, to overcome, to emerge, to earn the trust, to achieve
success, to taste failure, to grow up, to come to terms, to reconcile, and most
of all, to live and to learn at its own pace and time. Because given enough
time, and given the needed space, many lives will pleasantly surprise you. And
don't be surprised if they inspire you too. Cheerz.
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