I recall a time when an undergrad
came to my office. He told me he fought it as hard as he could but he could not
resist the urges. Being a Christian, he never stopped praying against it but it
came back nevertheless. It has now become worse, he said. You see, my client
was caught for stealing ladies’ undies. He would keep them in his secret place
so that he could whiff them to satisfy his addiction. He is what one author
would call a panty
bandit. He faced a few charges of theft and he seemed more
eager to get rid of the urges than to fight the charges. He was one lost soul
in a world of sexual temptation that he could not fight back.
This brings me to why I write this
letter. I always find the world of sexual perversion strange and even bizarre.
Why would seemingly smart, proper, respected, religious, admired, decent,
happy, normal, and controlled men and women
become putty in the wily hands of
lust when the latter takes hold? What is it about lust and sexual perversion that make animals out of us and cause us to throw caution to the wind to trade
one night of orgasmic delight for a lifetime of regrets and pain?
Is the American writer and theologian
Frederick Buechner hinting to something when he wrote, “Lust is the ape that
gibbers in our loins. Tame him as we will by day, he rages all the wilder in
our dreams by night.
Just when we think we’re safe from him, he raises up his
ugly head and smirks, and there’s no river in the world flows cold and strong
enough to strike him down. Almighty God, why dost thou deck men out with such a
loathsome toy?” I know sex within marriage is to be celebrated. It is the
reason for our existence. But why can’t we keep it within the marriage? Why
can’t it be strictly limited to marital acts of procreation and nothing else?
Why must we succumb to the wildest of urges
and turn the same into a feverish
addiction that makes us lose both our head and heart?
I have another client who came into
my office with bloodshot eyes last year. He told me that he could not sleep for
days after the police caught him. He was another undergrad. He came from a
well-to-do family. Intelligent and even good looking, he told me that he was
caught with dozens of up-skirt videos in his possession. He knew it was wrong
and regretted it deeply. He
feared for his future and he could not face his
family for what he had done.
While I could empathize with his
guilt, and how he was tormented by it, I could not really understand what made
him do what he did. He had everything going for him, that is, a degree, good
looks and family support, and yet he threw it all away for moving pictures of
what in my view is a blurry vertigo of undergarment motion? I guess my client
could not understand it
too. Indeed, lust is a sort of mental fog for most of
us.
This led me to nosedive into the
world of sexual perversions. And this is the part of my writings that will turn
a little graphic. So, please pardon me as I try my best to keep it all at arm’s
length. But before I start, I humbly plead for us as Christians to suspend the
urge to judge these people just because they are different from the majority of
the population. Most of them have their own stories to tell and their
struggles
are usually not reducible to just praying against it and expecting the
addiction to go away for good.
For some of them, the condition is
far more serious than that. They do need more than a few scriptures hurled in
their direction to keep the urges at bay. Some of them need immediate medical
attention and treatment like my clients. And others need to be rehabilitated
for months or years to keep themselves free from the mental addiction
and
affliction. I myself am not an expert in this area but I am curious enough
and prepared to take a gander at this culturally despised beast of sexual lusts
that has so deftly enslaved many lives in a mental cage of inexplicable torture
and anguish with no relief in sight.
I believe sexual perversions come in
many forms. In the context of a church, we usually deal with cases that are
more predictable and manageable. I have heard of some serial
adulterers who
claimed that they could not help themselves. They love their wives and family
deeply but they have urges during the week that they could not contain.
Then, there are the compulsive
masturbators. These are usually young adolescents who are exploring their own
sexuality and the mind-blinding pleasures that come with it. For some of them,
it is a form of escape from the stresses of studies and the neglect of their
parents. For others, it is an addiction that they
cannot resist. Many will tell
you that they get helplessly aroused by the many visual cues that grab their
attention on a daily basis.
I always believe that the most effective
and exclusive pornographic exposure does not come so much from the internet,
the triple X-rated DVDs, or the sexually suggestive console games.
They of course play a part. But when it comes to sexual addiction,
nothing beats our mind. Our mind itself is
a potent pornographic factory and
when seemingly innocent visual cues in the form of an alluring female part come
into our mental focus like the breast, the cleavage, the swaying of the
buttocks, the hem of the mini-skirt, and the exposed thighs (and the list is
non-exhaustive), the image gets lodged in our mind to be feasted on by us via
what I'd call repetitive recalling and fantasizing.
These images become our constant
companion and they
pop in or out whenever it is convenient for our exclusive
and private viewing and twisting. Every internal fantasizing increase the
secretion of neurotransmitter in our brain and this process is self-feeding and
self-reinforcing. This is where the addiction gradually takes hold and makes us
into pliable and unwitting automaton. Of course, the pastoral advice here would
be to stay away from the visual cues or exposure as best as possible.
For those who have a problem
with
lust and self-control, the church would start a strict regimen of abstinence,
fasting and praying to fight the addiction. There would be regular counseling,
support and scriptural encouragement to help the churchgoer with the struggle.
We are actually quite fortunate that we do not live during the time of Dr John
Harvey Kellogg (1852 to 1943). The good doctor actually considered masturbation
as a scourge of society and recommended the following emergency medical
intervention
for the out-of-control masturbator:-
“Circumcision should be performed by
a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the
operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be
connected with the idea of punishment, as it may well be in some cases. The
soreness which continues for several weeks interrupts the practice of
masturbation, and if it had not previously become too firmly
fixed, it may be
forgotten and not resumed.”
But what if the problem is far deeper
than that? What if it is a condition that requires more than what the church as
a body can offer to help or even understand? I have heard of some members who
had left the church in disillusionment because the church's sincerest efforts
to help only dealt with the symptoms of the addiction and not the underlying
cause(s). The church usually diagnoses the problem
as a spiritual one and this
can’t be faulted if you believe that what we as Christians wrestle against in
this world is more than what the eyes can see. But what if it is truly more
than meets the eye and this hiddenness (or opacity) of causes have more to do
with a broken brain than a broken or unredeemed spirit?
In the strange world of sexual
addiction, the clinical psychiatrists’ bible of mental illness known as DSM-5
has listed at least 8 specific forms of
what is called paraphilias. They
include exhibitionism, fetishism, frotteurism (rubbing one’s genitals against
another in crowded places), pedophilia, masochism, sadism, voyeurism and
transvestic fetishism. There is even a catchall category just to cover strange
and bizarre cases under the heading of PNOS or “paraphilia not otherwise
specified.” Over the years, these medical illnesses are known by the following
names: hypersexuality, erotomania, urethromania, oversexuality,
compulsive
promiscuity, pathologic multipartnerism, satyriasis, and nymphomania.
In the book Perv: the sexual deviant in all of us, the former Professor of the
University of Arkansas Jesse Bering documented an extreme case of nymphomania
in a little girl who can’t stop masturbating. Here is a look at what such a
condition looks like as described by the author: “In 1894, an overwrought
mother brought her nine-year-old daughter to the New Orleans
physician A.J.
Block after discovering the little girl masturbating. Block propped up the
child on his examining room table and began inspecting her genitals with his
fingers. There was no reaction upon touching her labia. But “as soon as I
reached the clitoris,” the doctor later recounted without any emotion, “the
legs were thrown widely open, the face became pale, the breathing short and
rapid, the body twitched from excitement, slight groans came from the
patient.”
There are also other cases of sexual
deviation that would make most of us cringe and squirm in our seat. Have you
heard of amputee fetish? Yes, there are people who get a sexual high when
making love to an amputee, preferably one with a wooden leg. They are called
acrotomophiles. Then, there is the apotemnophile who sexually fantasizes about
having their own limbs being cut off. Somehow such twisted and cruel amputation
done on themselves gives them an
eroticism of indescribable pleasure. Here is
another really strange case called melissaphile. No, this has nothing to do
with having a crush on a girl named Melissa. It is actually a sexual attraction
to bees (I wonder how they get pass the deadly sting). There are also those who
are sexually aroused by nooks, crannies and crevices literally and they are
called chasmophilacs.
Stranger still, there is a rare group
of people who are sexually
excited by what is known to them as the divine stream,
which is a euphemistic term for getting aroused by the image of an upright,
urinating woman. Other sexual deviations include teratophiles, which describes
those who are attracted to the congenitally deformed, autoplushphiles, which is
reserved for those who enjoy masturbating to their own image as cartoon-like
stuffed animals, and pteronophilia, which is for the kinky types who
derive intense gratification from being
trickled with feathers. And while most
of us are familiar with necrophilia, referring to the act of making love to
cadavers or corpses, do we know about partialism?
Recently I had my first encounter
with a partialist when I read in the papers about a man in his thirties who
approached a 17 year old student near Raffles Place MRT station. He asked her
if he could pay her S$200 so that he could smell her bottom. When the teen
rebuked him, he persisted and
told her that he was prepared to increase the
offer to S$300 in return for licking her rear. He was subsequently sentenced to
one month imprisonment.
A partialist is sexually obsessed
with a part of the body. It could be the toes, the belly buttons or the mouth.
And most of the time, love really has nothing to do with it. It is a form of
carnal craving that requires immediate satisfying. They are basically not
looking for a long term
relationship. They just need to find an outlet to
release their uncontrollable urges even when such acts amount to an indictable
offence.
Lastly, we have the special and
exclusive one percent of our population who are the genuine zoophiles. That’s
quite a huge number considering that our current population is about 6.9
billion. These people have a peculiar sexual orientation towards animals (I
guess the prefix “zoo” was a dead
giveaway). I recently read about an admission
by a bona fide zoophile, who happens to be a physician, that he could only
consummate his marriage with his wife only when he closes his eyes and imagine
he is making love to a horse. Unfortunately the marriage did not last long. In
1642, a man by the name of Thomas Granger was in fact indicted for this same
perversion and the list of his
sexual partners ran like an animal farmhouse,
which included “a mare, a cow, two goats, five sheep, two calves and a turkey.”
(A turkey? So much for thanksgiving).
Another case in the same year had a man by the name of George Spencer executed
for having sex with his master’s pig. I guess people like that should be
strictly banned from Singapore Zoo.
I wonder in such situations, how does
the church approach them? Does the church send them away
with a prayer, a
biblical word of empowerment, and a handbook on how to overcome temptation in
five simple steps? Does the church diagnose its member as struggling with sins
of a spiritual nature and then remind them to invoke the name of Jesus every
time the temptation creepily emerges from their tormented soul?
Of course, there are numerous
testimonies of men and even women who have collectively overcame these
temptations and
have stayed clean for years. The community of faith and support
has done a great service in bringing these troubled souls onto the right path.
But there are still others who struggle with the condition despite the
consistent care and attention given by the church. Most of them experienced
temporary relief. But after some time, the temptation came back with a
vengeance. What can we do for them? How do we offer our help? Or are such cases
really beyond the church and it would be better to refer
them to professionals?
Personally, I suspect there are some
cases of sexual deviation that involve more than just a spiritual condition. Of
course, as a Christian, we look to the fall of man as the primary cause of all
our social, physical and mental maladies. But sometimes, telling someone who is
struggling with a peculiar sexual addiction that it is by its nature spiritual
would invite a blank stare. Somehow, such diagnosis has this one-size-fit-all
feel and it does not
specifically deal with the cause at hand. I think at times
we need to understand more about the condition before we perform what I would
call a Procrustes’ diagnosis.
Procrustes is actually a cruel estate
owner of Corydalus in Attica. He had this twisted sense of hospitality of
abducting travelers, inviting them to a sumptuous dinner, and then enticing
them to spend the night in his special bed. According to the Greek mythology,
Procrustes
wanted more than anything for the travellers to fit into his
precious bed. So, he would perform the macabre by either chopping off the legs
of the travellers if they were too long or stretching their limbs to ensure a
perfect fit. Applying this weird logic to our discussion here, I am concern
that the church may be guilty of chopping and stretching the cause of its
members’ sexual addiction, discarding or dismissing those other causes that may
be relevant, so that they could fit it all into the Procrustes’
bed of
spiritual cause and spiritual cause alone.
In the end, I think we should take
the person who is struggling with such addiction for who he is and try to understand
the underlying cause(s) of his condition. And telling him that it is a
spiritual problem may no doubt be true from a Christian perspective but it
risks sounding less than sincere, helpful and precise about his condition.
Here I do not discount the fact that
a large number of these sexual deviation acts arose
largely from personal
choices. In other word, they are not as involuntary as they claim to be. We
should therefore call a spade a spade or an apple an apple when we see it as
nothing more. But at those rare times, what we initially see as a spade or
apple may, upon closer scrutiny, reveal to us a whole work-shed or fruit basket
of causes more complicated than first expected.
Some cases have causes that act as a
trigger to kick-start the descent into this often dark
sexual episode of their
life. One of these causes is an abusive childhood or a violent past. Take Grace
Quek aka Annabel Chong for example. She came from good parentage and schools.
She was in fact sent to King's College London on a scholarship to study law
when she was 21. But having dropped out of law school, she became infamous in
1995 in the pornographic industry for allowing herself to be filmed while
engaging in sexual intercourse with 70 men (with a record of 251 penetrations).
The
whole event took about 10 hours. At that time, even the adult industry
performers disapproved of such a mind-boggling undertaking. One recent article
described that 1995 gangbang film (as it was then known) as having "all the sex
appeal of a National Geographic film of frogs spawning in a mud puddle."
(LA Weekly, Feb 2011).
Behind this shockingly heartbreaking
act is a story; an even more heartbreaking one. When Grace was 22, she was
gang
raped while travelling in the London tube. It is suspected that her life's
trajectory could have changed forever after that. Of course this is not to
excuse her for what she had done. But it definitely gives us a better understanding of
why she did what she did. In an interview on a film about her life,
Grace explained why she did it with a hint of past grievance unresolved: “We’re
not wilting violets, we’re not victims for Christ’s sake. Female sexuality is
as aggressive as male sexuality. I wanted to take
on the role of the stud. The
more (partners), the better.” Thankfully, she retired from the adult industry
completely in 2003 and openly declared that "Annabel is dead".
Another possible cause is the onset
of a brain injury that could change the neurochemistry of the victim to be more
hypersexual than before. In 1939, a group of epilepsy researchers surgically
removed chunks of the brain of the rhesus monkey, in particular, the medial
temporal lobe. What
they discovered to their surprise was that the monkey
became more sexually agitated and performed what seemed to be sexually
suggestive acts like gyrating on the operating table. Further, there is now a
discernible trend that if one suffers from a frontal lobe damage, he may become
more sexually promiscuous due to a deficiency in self-control.
Here is another cause for your
consideration. In India, a 28-year-old housewife suddenly
discovered that
she was helplessly aroused for no apparent reason and she was having multiple
orgasms for two days. Concerned, she went to a gynecologist for immediate
examination. However the physician could not detect the cause until an
epidemiologist solved the mystery. A few months ago she was playing with a
puppy and it bit her. What was not known then was that the puppy had rabies. And
the bite had infected her. The life-threatening infection ravaged her
brain and
caused her to have orgasms that she could not control. Sadly, she passed away
on the fourth day of her hospitalization.
Finally, although not exhaustive,
most of these so-called sexual deviants were diagnosed with having extreme
libidos. And this is normally associated with patients with Tourette's
syndrome, multiple sclerosis, Huntington's disease, and a cocktail mix of
infections of herpes encephalitis and oxygen
deprivation. The medical name for
the latter is Kluver-Bucy syndrome. I guess these multivariate causes are food
for thought for the church?
At this juncture, I am reminded of a
secular definition of hyper-sexuality as an excessive expression of culturally
tolerated heterosexual (or homosexual behavior). The Bible also has a similar
warning about excessive behavior, albeit in a different context, in
Ecclesiastes 7:16: "Do not be excessively righteous and
do not be overly
wise. Why should you ruin yourself?" I guess everything under God's heaven
is beneficial if taken with moderation or with a circumspect perspective. But
the truth is, it is harder to imagine a world without sex than to imagine a
world with sex and its diverse perverse manifestations. I trust that what is
generally good and beneficent would inevitably suffer the distorted fate of
extremism (or excessiveness in this case).
Sex can be corrupted just like a form
of righteousness and human knowledge. And this correspondence that Screwtape
wrote to his protégé demon about God illustrates this point well, "(God)
is a hedonist at heart. All those fasts and vigils and stakes and crosses are
only a facade. Or only like foam on the sea shore. Out at sea, out in His sea,
there is pleasure, and more pleasure. He makes no secret of it; at His right
hand are "pleasures for evermore"...He has filled His world full of
pleasures. There are
things for humans to do all day long without His minding
in the least - sleeping, washing, eating, drinking, making love, playing, praying,
working. Everything has to be twisted before it's any use to us."
And the key word here is
"twisted". Twisting sleep to the extreme would result in indolence or
laziness and engaging in "eating and drinking" with no end in sight
would result in a life of self-indulgence and even debauchery. As for making
love,
the extreme of it is what I have written here so far.
Let me end by asking this question: How many of us are closet sexual deviants?
In a survey done in the late 1940s by Alfred Kinsey, which involved carefully
collecting data and questionnaires of thousands of randomly sampled
participants, the results showed that 75% of adult Americans satisfied the
mental health criteria of being a sexual deviant. The criteria is based on what
was then termed
as TSO, that is, Total Sexual Outlet. TSO is defined as “a
man’s cumulative total number of orgasms achieved per week by any single sex
act or by some combination of sex acts.”
According to the standard average
then, you were considered a sexual deviant if you clock up a TSO (eg. seminal fluid
expulsion) of more than three times a week for a studied period of time.
There are cases where some men, about 8 percent of those sampled, had a
TSO
scores of 7 or more for 5 consecutive years. Translated on a weekly basis, it
is about one release every day (and this includes sex within marriage).
So, taking that TSO scores into
account, and bearing in mind that this was the benchmark during the more
conservative era of our time before the internet and the sexplosive period of
the sixties and seventies, how many of us would be deemed as a sexual deviant
by that standard today? And if sexual perversion is mainly a
cultural thingy, what
can we say about the Aka couples? They are a foraging tribe in central Africa.
Accordingly to anthropological records, the Aka couples actually have sex four
to five times in a single night! Imagine that. Over a period of time, these
tribal people’s sexual hyperactivity would make them not just sexual deviants
but sexual monsters by the TSO's criteria.
Here is another tribe of Papua New
Guinea known as Sambia which would knock most of us off
our cultural pedestal
for their most peculiar semen-ingesting ritual. At the tender age of 11, they
are already expert and aggressive fellators, that is, oral sex partakers. And
they perform the acts of fellatio on adult males of their tribe. They believe
that semen has a magical component that makes the youth militantly strong and
powerful. This is of course considered seriously warped for people like us on the other so-called
normal side of the divide. But the people of Sambia in fact turned out well
despite this
inexplicable sexual taboo. They grow up to be well-adjusted and
they continue this time-tested ritual with the youth in their tribe. So, are
they sexual deviants of the most convoluted sort?
Indeed, this is a strange world of
sexual perversions. We have people who are plagued by sexual lusts beyond their
control. We have people who are prosecuted for criminal sexual acts. We have
people who do strange and unspeakable things to satisfy their unquenchable
lust.
We even have seemingly normal people being aroused by animals, stuffed
toys, and bees. And then, we have what appears to be a large group of people who
satisfy the criteria of being a sexual deviant. I guess the American writer
Edward Abbey was on to something when he wrote, “Modern men and women are
obsessed with the sexual; it is the only realm of primordial adventure still
left to most of us. Like apes in a zoo, we spend our energies on the one field
of play remaining; human lives
otherwise are pretty well caged in by the walls,
bars, chains and locked gates of our industrial culture.”
Alas, the church indeed has her hands full; if not
overflowing. Cheerz.
* Image from "ibibleverses.christianpost.com."
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