Success.
Definitions and guides have filled pages after pages of books about what it is
and how to achieve it. The really blatant ones will tell you that wealth is
success. The logic is almost flawless. How
can you be successful and still be swarmed with worries about money matters?
So success is acquired wealth. But most books will be more discreet. They are
mostly how-to books and they start with the author's
memoir. He or
she is usually fabulously wealthy or eminently well-off and has scores of
accolades and awards to boot. It is often a rags-to-riches
story with a happy-ever-after ending.
These books will wax lyrical about the generic principles of success with supporting
personal anecdotes to fill up the pages. Others will give you a step-by-step,
almost formulaic account
of how to make it big or have your own breakthroughs in life. Of course
these authors are highly acclaimed and are an inspiration to many. Testimonies
abound from readers whose life have been transformed by their books and inspiring
life.
My point here is not so much about the
effectiveness of the principles spelt out in the books. I have
no qualms about them. My point is about ”lowering"
the bar for
success (for lack of a better word). I desire for success to be more context-sensitive or more grass-root to the particularity. Here is
what I mean.
Success is usually
defined as cultivating the right attitude towards life. This would require an
examined life. This is foundational. Change always starts with ourselves. Here
is where catchphrases like vision, wisdom, relationship, community, charity and
contentment come into play, in varying mix and substance.
Again I have no issue
with writing about how planning and vision are the essential steps to success.
Neither are my feathers ruffled by chapters on building relationships and being
contented as the touchstone of success. And of course, giving of yourself and
your time and resources to a good cause is another theme of success that most
authors are diligently advocating (because there is no better emblem of true
success than someone who is giving back to society).
But I am more thinking about success for the
common folks. That is, success unplugged and separated from the highly celebrated
and visible successes of people we know who get to write about it.
I trust that the
majority may not get to see the much-celebrated summit of fame and wealth or
fruits of one’s labor in their lifetime. Scores of books can be written about
this kind of world-recognized success and the silent majority would be chugging
along life’s rough terrains unnoticed and unknown. In other words, the success
I have in mind is a kind that is more context-specific and layered.
Imagine a middle-income husband trying to make
ends meet with three young children, one of whom is severely autistic or a
retiree who
is living in a 3-room HDB flat with children all married off and is struggling
to take care of his terminally-ill wife. Or a student whose parents are
divorced being bullied and taunted in school for it. Or lastly, a single mother
working two shifts to take care of her young daughter because her husband decided
to walk out on them to be with his younger secretary. I wonder what does success mean to them?
Most of them will not be
wealthy, famous, or
immortalized in books for all to read. They will most likely die unknown, be struggling
to make out a decent living, and be hoping that society would show them some
leeway and mercy along the way. What is
success to them then? Is success about having a vision and a master plan when
the furthest they can see is tomorrow and maybe to the financial worry lurking
at end of the week? Is success a peace of
mind when every day is a struggle to keep up with
payments, worry about their
children's well-being, and hope for a better tomorrow? Is success about
giving back to society when they have nothing much leftover and they are
currently giving their life and everything for their loved ones leaving nothing
for themselves (does all that count)?
I would like to believe that they are
successful too; albeit not in the way the world would like to define it. I
would like to believe that success for them is more nuanced and rewarding in
the
little precious moments of victory they feel in their daily struggles.
Here’s what I mean.
Imagine again the same husband returning home
to play with his autistic child and discover that he could respond positively
and in return, throw himself at his father in a tight embrace. Imagine further
the retiree, who is taking care of his fatally ill wife, sharing a romantic
moment with her in a home-cooked candlelight dinner and they couldn't stop
giggling as they walk down
memory lane. Imagine with me the bullied boy finding
a close buddy whom he can share many playground adventures with. And the wife,
whom her husband had abandoned, shedding tears of joy as her daughter whispers
into her ears that she had finally secured the scholarship.
These are personally enriching moments of life
for them and there can be no greater feeling of success.
Now let's be clear
that these moments are not publicly celebrated ones like a Grammy event or a
Miss Universe contest. Neither are they events akin to scoring a killing in the
stock market or having your foot and hand cemented on the Hollywood walk of
fame.
And yet, for all their struggles to make ends
meet, these moments mean much more. Despite the struggles they all have to go
through daily, they nevertheless persevered. And these moments are like little
blessings that angels faithfully plant for them. I know the naysayers may argue
that such is not exactly success as success is normally understood. They may
say, "Where is the wealth and
worldwide influence?", "Where
is the accolades?", "Where
is the rags-to-riches story?" Well, while I can't
fault them on this,
my point here is to highlight the extraordinariness in an ordinary life. There
may never be a rags-to-riches story for them but there is surely a rags-to-resilience one.
You see, most of them will not have an ivory
league school education or receive a series of fast-track promotions to run big
corporations or win an internationally coveted prize or be wealthy and engage
in worldwide philanthropy. That's their unembellished reality, unglamorous and
all.
Nevertheless, I see it differently. Although
most will die largely anonymous with only their loved ones and friends to
commemorate a life well-lived, they are still successful in my book because
they have led a consistent, faithful and fruitful life. Their struggle in their
own way is a struggle no different from those successful people whom we
get to read about.
But the essence of their spirit is no less admirable and I
stand in
awe of their overcoming struggles to stand firm against all odds till
the very end. And as a tribute here, I want to celebrate their silent but enduring
successes as I see it and I believe the world is better off and brighter
because of their collective intrepid lives to confront failure in the face and
walk through it in quiet resolve and hope. In fact there is no greater success story than the success of an ordinary life overcoming extraordinary odds. That's
radical living. That's success with an
attitude. The right attitude. Cheerz.
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